The Schemer (Play Script)

SETTING

The servants' room.

AT RISE

While BRIGHELLA and PEDROLINO are working, PANTALONE and LA SIGNORA rushes into the room.

PANTALONE

(to BRIGHELLA & PEDROLINO)

Where's my money, idiots?!

PEDROLINO

Sir, what are you talking about?

BRIGHELLA

Yeah, what's happened, Sir?

PANTALONE

Don't pretend like you don't know anything. One of you schemed to steal my money last night, and tried to put the blame on my wife. Who was it?!

LA SIGNORA

(to PANTALONE)

They probably teamed up to do those things. I'm going to check their room to see where they hid the money.

(LA SIGNORA starts checking suitcases of the two servants.)

PANTALONE

Oh, that's very nice of you. Thank you, darling.

PANTALONE (Cont.)

(to BRIGHELLA & PEDROLINO)

Now, let me ask again. Which one of you stole my money?! Admit it before it's too late!

BRIGHELLA

None of us took your money, Sir.

PEDROLINO

Brighella is right. We're not thieves, Sir.

PANTALONE

Lying! You're both lying to me! It's clear that one of you is the thief! Admit it or both of you will be kicked out of my house!

LA SIGNORA

(to PEDROLINO)

Pedrolino, can I ask you something? What is this?

(LA SIGNORA takes a teddy bear out of PEDROLINO's suitcase.)

Why is there a teddy bear in your suitcase?

PEDROLINO

Madam, please don't touch "him".

LA SIGNORA

You call it "him"? Ha, what a laugh. And what about this?

(LA SIGNORA takes a baby bottle out.)

A baby bottle?

PEDROLINO

Um... That's for my kid.

LA SIGNORA

You don't have any children, Pedrolino. Don't lie to me.

PEDROLINO

Uh... I will. Someday.

LA SIGNORA

Ha ha, what a joke. Oh, and what about this pacifier?

(LA SIGNORA takes a pacifier out.)

Really? Why do you keep so many baby things in your suitcase? I bet these things aren't for your baby, Pedrolino.

(LA SIGNORA chuckles.)

Anyway, these things are mine now.

PEDROLINO