No, please don't... That bottle and that pacifier are very expensive... You can't take them! They're mine!
LA SIGNORA
Shut up! These things are for poor children, not for you.
BRIGHELLA
(to PEDROLINO)
Oh look, baby Pedrolino is crying. Ha ha...
PANTALONE
(to PEDROLINO & BRIGHELLA)
Hey, knock it off, La Signora! And you two, stay focused! Tell me which one of you is the thief now!
BRIGHELLA
I told you we had no idea, Sir... Maybe someone...
LA SIGNORA
Oh finally I found it, Pantalone! I found the second letter!
(LA SIGNORA holds the letter in her hand, and runs to PANTALONE.)
PANTALONE
Really?! Give it to me!
LA SIGNORA
It was in Pedrolino's suitcase. Read it to see if it's yours.
PANTALONE
(PANTALONE looks at the letter.)
It is mine, indeed.
PANTALONE (Cont.)
(to PEDROLINO)
Pedrolino, how do you explain this?
PEDROLINO
Sir... Someone put it in my suitcase. I don't know anything about this. I swear to God I didn't steal your letter...
LA SIGNORA
(LA SIGNORA slaps in PEDROLINO's face.)
Shut your filthy mouth! We don't want to hear any excuses. I'm so disappointed in you, Pedrolino.
BRIGHELLA
(to PEDROLINO)
Serves you right, thief.
PANTALONE
(to PEDROLINO)
I can't believe this is true. Where's my money? Where is my money, you thief?!
PEDROLINO
Hold on a minute, I don't see the connection between the letter and your money. Why do you accuse me of stealing money after you found the letter in my suitcase?
PANTALONE
Stop pretending like you know nothing. Give my money back! Now!
LA SIGNORA
(to PEDROLINO)
Give his money back now or get slapped in the face again!
PEDROLINO
(to PANTALONE)
Sir, I don't know the exact story, but you've got to believe me. I bet somebody did this to put the blame on me just like they did to your Lady. Please, you have to believe me!
BRIGHELLA
(to PEDROLINO)
Stop making excuses, Pedrolino. You're totally doomed now.
PANTALONE
(to BRIGHELLA)
Hit him, Brighella. Hit him while we're looking for the money.
(LA SIGNORA and PANTALONE starts searching for the money.)
BRIGHELLA
Oh, I would be honoured to do that, Sir.
PEDROLINO
(to PANTALONE)
No, you can't do this to me, Sir! Sir!
(BRIGHELLA punches PANTALONE in the face, then wrestles him to the ground.)
No, no, no, stop it! Aaahh...
BRIGHELLA
(to PEDROLINO)
Tell the Master where you hid the money now or I'll strangle you to death!
PEDROLINO
How the heck should I know where his money is?! I'm not the thief!
BRIGHELLA
Then you have to die.
(BRIGHELLA starts to squeeze PEDROLINO's neck.)
PEDROLINO
No! Get off of me, you rapist!
(PEDROLINO chokes.)
PANTALONE
(to BRIGHELLA)
Hey, hey, hey! What are you doing, Brighella?! Stop strangling him!
BRIGHELLA
No, he has to die!
PANTALONE
Let go of him now! We can't kill him until we know where our money is.
(BRIGHELLA stops strangling PEDROLINO.)
Go somewhere else. We don't need you anymore.
BRIGHELLA
I'm sorry, Sir.
(BRIGHELLA leaves the room.)
LA SIGNORA
(to PEDROLINO)
Pedrolino, we will now give you two choices. One, you can tell us where you hid the money, and we will forgive you and let you stay here. Two, you can say nothing, but you'll be kicked out of our house, and we'll never see you again.
PANTALONE
(to LA SIGNORA)
But darling, we can't let him get away that easy.
LA SIGNORA
(LA SIGNORA whispers in PANTALONE's ear.)
Don't worry, I'm sure he still keeps your money somewhere in our house. If he continues refusing to tell us the exact location, we can just kick him out the house and search for the money later.
PANTALONE
Oh yes, good idea, darling. We can't just let a thief live in our home, can we?
LA SIGNORA
(to PEDROLINO)
You done thinking yet?
PEDROLINO
Yes, Madam. I choose to say nothing and be kicked out of the house. But the truth is, I am not the thief.
PANTALONE
(to PEDROLINO)
Fine, then pack up your bags and leave our house now. You are fired.
LA SIGNORA
(to PEDROLINO)
I'm sorry, Pedrolino, but there's nothing I can do for you. You disappoint us.
(PEDROLINO says nothing. He packs his bags then leaves the house.)
LA SIGNORA (Cont.)
(to PANTALONE)
Okay, Pantalone. Let's find your money.
(LA SIGNORA & PANTALONE leave the room.)
(BLACKOUT)
(END OF SCENE)
YOU ARE READING
The Schemer (Play Script)
RandomA Venetian merchant has a fight with his wife. His servants plan to bring them back together, but then something weird happens. "The Schemer" is a Commedia tell'arte play written by Joseph Kingston and Malcolm Onduna.
Scene 5
Start from the beginning
