Detecting Falsehood

22

i can't string anything together when this is what myreality is. taking a breath is justtoodifficult now. why would i needtobreathe without a family to livefor? it all seems painfullypointless, and-

"Taehyung, please wake up!"

Jungkook's voice breaks into the descending spiral of thoughts, shattering that dangerous staircase of emotions like it's made of glass. "Taehyung, please, you're scaring me!"

My eyes snap open with a gasp, and I look down at myself, take in the slightly blue nature of my hands and arms. "W-What? What just-"

"You started crying and screaming in your sleep," Jungkook explains quietly, "so I ran down here to try and get you out of whatever was in your head, and by the time I got here I realised you weren't breathing properly. I guess it frightened me quite a bit when I saw that you were slowly suffocating yourself in your sleep."

I nod in understanding. "I bet, that sounds terrifying to watch, even if that person isn't necessarily your friend. I'm sorry about that, I don't know why that happened. I'm sure it wasn't fun to have to come all this way just for that."

He tilts his head at me. "You really think so lowly of me?" he says quietly. "I came to help because I wanted to. I came because I can't stand to bear seeing you hurt, not because it was weird to watch. I don't know if I would do the same for other hostages, but you do matter to me. As a person, not a commodity."

He lowers his gaze to the floor, and a sense of guilt rises uncomfortably within me as he does so. "I also thought that by now you'd realise that I'm not exactly normal. You know more about me than anyone else, and you've accepted that. I've also helped you more than once now. If an equal exchange of assistance doesn't show friendship, then I've been doing this all wrong."

"Jungkook-" I start, and he shakes his head at me.
"I genuinely thought we were friends. I wouldn't have told you the truth by now if we weren't. Guess I was wrong, though."

"No, that's not what I meant," I say quickly, before he can interrupt me again, and he frowns in confusion, not understanding what I'm on about.
"Then what did you mean?" he asks, baffled, and I shrug. I have no idea how to fix the situation, and I've only just woken up from an extremely unpleasant nightmare. I don't need an argument right now, so I've got to diffuse the situation before it gets to that point. 

"I'm not entirely sure, but I know that I didn't want to offend you. The whole point of what I was saying was that I didn't want to be a burden on you or make your life more difficult. With your father, and everything else, it must already be pretty bad. It's not my place to make it even worse, with my stupid-"

I freeze, eyes widening in panic as I realise what I could have said. For a moment, I can't move, as I think of what could happen to the rest of my family if anyone finds out about us. All of my friends. 21. Myself.

This is not something I should talk about. Especially now. It's nowhere near safe, and nobody would ever believe me anyway. There would be absolutely no point.

Jungkook places a hand on my shoulder, snapping me out of my mind once more. "Hey, it's okay," he whispers gently, "I get it. I'm not mad." I force myself to take a deep breath, allowing my eyes to slide closed. "Just listen to my voice, and try and focus on that. Whatever your mind is stressing over, try and let it go."

I nod, tears leaking out of my eyes, left ignored by the both of us. They aren't important right now. His voice is melodic, more soothing than normal, and I find myself calming down surprisingly easily.  "Thank you," I mumble uselessly, opening my eyes again, and the pressure increases ever so slightly for a second before retracting again, an inaudible reply to my words.

He might not say anything about it, but I know what he means.

"Anyway, what was that nightmare about? Do you want to talk about it?" he asks gently, cautiously. I take a deep breath.

"Yeah, I do," I say after a few seconds, surprising us both.
"You don't have to, it was just-"
"No, I want to. Maybe it will help."
"Are you sure?"
"Certain."

He nods in understanding, and I lean into him, somehow finding that to be comforting. He doesn't react, other than to wrap his arm more assuredly around me, and looking down at his knees so that he can't see my face as I tell him what it was about.

I explain the nightmare hesitantly, stumbling over my words every so often despite myself, but he doesn't try to rush me, which is oddly helpful. It's nice to just have someone listen to you and only you.

Is this how Jungkook and 21 both felt when they opened up to me?

Because, if so, I understand why they decided to do so. It all makes a lot more sense now.

Once I've told him everything, he frowns, clearly concerned. "That sounds horrifying," he comments simply. "I don't know your sister, at all, but from what you say, she's not like that. I may not truly understand how you feel, but I know what it's like to be betrayed by someone that is that important to you."

I nod, seeing his point. "Yeah, you do," I return quietly, thinking of the whole situation he had to face with Junghoon. "You've had the worst of it all, in my opinion." He smiles sadly, shaking his head at me.
"I doubt that. The world sucks, Taehyung. You can't forget that."

I shrug, nodding in agreement, my mind automatically going to the sheer amount of liars in the world. The different types of lies. The different reasons for lies. It's a messed up universe. But it's the only one we have, so I can't complain too much, I guess.

Even if I've been shown the darkest parts of the shadows.