When things fall apart...

The front door opened making the same old sound i've been hearing for the past 18 years of my life.It was my mother,she came back from the hospital.My mom,my sweet mom,the person who was there for me when i couldn't breathe on my own.The person who believed i could make it when machines were keeping me alive.She prayed for me every day and every night,not even stopping for a second.Yes,once again,my mother was home.

As i was laying down i ran a hand through the window railing,which was the spot where i always left my phone,since it was the nearest one from my bed.Searching and searching,my phone was nowhere to be found without looking at where exactly i was searching at,so the best choice i could make was get up and search for it not only by touching the railing,but also by seeing it,by feeling my soft palm touch the cold surface of the railing,which made my senses wake up from all the sleep i got last night. It wasn't there.How was my phone not in the spot where i always left it?

- Agh! My coat!

I was pretty sure i left it in my coat,exactly in its right pocket.As lazy as i was at that moment,i got up and ran downstairs to look for my phone. I got distracted by looking at my mother who was now sitting on the couch staring at the coffee table.I wasn't sure at what exactly she was staring so i tip-toed and went near her,quickly sitting beside her in the couch.My hand automatically started rubbing her back as i was trying to calm her down.

On the coffee table there it was a family photo, made on my 5th birthday.My eyes started to fill with tears as i was looking at my mother's face.She was pale white,like a corpse.I could feel she was hurting,and so was I.Loosing her husbant and also my dear dad was hard.Hard for her,but also hard for me.

- M..Mom...I...

- He was found dead under a bridge.A homeless man found him.We're making his funeral tomorrow,as they bring your father home from morgue.

Her voice was so shaky it made my throat ache and my eyes fill even more with tears at the point where they ran through my cold cheeks again.

- I know it's hard,i know it hurts,but you're strong,i know we both can go through this.

I said to encourage my mother when deep inside i knew she was half buried down.And so was I.This was not easy for me,but nor was it for my mother. She took a deep breath and continued to talk still staring at the family photo.

- He was shot.Two bullets found in the crime scene.Neither for revenge or debt,he didn't deserve it.

Then she faced me,her eyes locked with mine,dark circles under her eyes,and teardrop signs running all the way down to her chin.Her black eyes had no emotion filling them.It was almost like she was dead,inside and outside.I hugged her,not letting any space for her following words,and we both froze like that for some good 5 minutes.

I pulled back and got up leaving her sit in the couch for some more time.My phone,i forgot to search for it in my coat.I headed for the front door where we left our coats and jackets.It wasn't in my black coat as well.But where could it be? I really was not in the mood to lose anything right now.I searched for my phone in so many places exept the two spots i always left it but it was nowhere!Did it just vanish in thin air?Wait! The man last night! The stranger that 'saved' me from falling into the ground! Agh what an idiot i am! How did i let a pickpocket fool me like that! 

I guess after loosing my phone now,i didn't have any other choice but to sit down and comfort my mother,as i buckle up my humour a bit.So that's what i did until my mother fell asleep in my arms.I laid her down in the couch and covered her with a blanket.

I thought of laying down for myself as well,after all it wasn't a bad idea,but not the best as well.Thoughts,thoughts,so many thoughts! 

- The black figure,those wide shoulders,his hard breath...

I started whispering to myself.

- No,no,NO! I can't think of those stuff now! Not for a pickpocket!Ugh!

I was ashamed of myself i even recalled what happened last night.I just couldn't help thinking about him,even though,i knew i shouldn't.

-Two bullets huh? Why? Why dad? Why did you leave us like this? Why couldn't you enjoy yourself more and stay with us? Whoever did this to you it's not going away easily with that!

So so many thoughts i felt like my head would explode.I let my emptiness take possession of my body,and in a second or two,i found myself staring at the ceiling,my head empty.It's funny how you can be suffering to get thoughts and voices out of your mind,and in a flash,you're empty like all of those were vaccumed out of your body.That happened to me,and it was not the very first time...