Where It All Began

The bright glow of the moon is the only light I'm given as we walk down the beach. The ocean breeze cools the sweat beading down my face, and the crashing of the waves keeps my heartbeat at ease; kind of. I've never been able to show my feelings to a person I care about.

Isabelle is special. In these past seven months, she's made me feel things I was scared to feel. If it wasn't for her, I'd be more fucked up than I already am. She's taught me to care about other people and not just myself. She's helped me feel actual feelings and not be ashamed to show them instead of hiding them.

"Hayden!" she yelps as I hug my arm around her legs. "Don't you dare! I know what you're trying to do," she says with the biggest smile on her face, as she backs away.

"Oh, do you?" I reply, smirking at her.

"Mhm," she hums. "But you'll have to catch me first!" she says, sprinting down the beach.

I run after her. I try to ignore how my feet fall into the sand, making me stumble. My long legs allow me to easily catch up to her. Suddenly, I see a dim light in the distance. I stand in the sand, dumbfounded, as reality sets in on what's about to happen.

I've never been able to tell someone I love them; not even my mother. I've really been only able to say it to myself, but even that was a lie. That will change after today, though. The sweat accumulates faster, causing the ends of my hair to be soaked. The sweat on my palms quickly gathers and my heart pounds in my chest, when the dim light only a few feet away. Shit.

As I walk closer, Izzy stands and stares at me, laughing. "Come on, slow poke!" she calls to me and I take off in a sprint, only to stand next to her in under a minute. Her dark hair falls around her face. She looks like a younger version of herself. Her striped crop top and dark skinny jeans hug her body perfectly. She's perfect. She's mine.

"Close your eyes," I say cupping her face in my hands.

"Why?"

"I have something to show you." I smile, taking my hands away from her face.

As her eyes flutter closed, I take her hand and slowly guide her to the light. Knots in my stomach get tighter and tighter as the light came into view. Holy shit, this is really happening. My mind races with different possibilities on how this night will go. Will she enjoy the surprise? Will she feel the same way I do? The flow of questions caused the walk to go faster than intended. Dimly lit candles stood in a circle in front of us.

"Can I open my eyes now?" she asks standing next to me.

"Sure," I chuckle.

Her face lights up immediately at the sight. With a gasp falling from her delicate lips, she starts to walk closer to the candles. Within the circle are the words, 'I love you, Isabelle' written in the sand. My hands are shoved into my pockets to hide the fact that they're aggressively shaking. My stomach has knotted itself over and over, making me feel nauseous. I know it may not seem like much, but this is the most romantic thing I've ever done in my life. When I look at her, her hands are over her mouth. Her blue-grey eyes turn into a crystal blue, as tears start to spill over. I move behind her and wrap my arms around her waist and my chin rests on her shoulder.

"I love you, Izzy." I whisper in her ear.
She turns around in my grasp and leans her forehead against mine. Her arms wrap around my neck and play with the curls on the nape of my neck. Say something, please.

"Hayden, I love you too."

***

I continue to stare at the picture of that night as the roar of the waves crashes in the distance. Grey clouds roll through the sky, heading straight towards me. Maybe they'll take me away from here. I shove the picture back into my pocket and stare into the ocean. Why do I keep torturing myself with her? I've been coming to this spot everyday, remembering that day. I grab the bottle of Jack Daniels that sits next to me and take a big gulp. The brown liquid burns my throat as I swallow. The sensation remains in my throat, giving me the pain I deserve. If I drink more, I'll forget everything.

She was so good to me, too good even. She went out of her way to make sure that I became a happy person. She broke down the wall I've built up for myself. She taught the troubled boy how to love. She cured all my fears about love and relationships and was always there when I needed her. She's gone now. I can no longer call her mine. Now, I'm just an ex to her. I deserve to be alone. I always end up screwing something up. Izzy treated me like gold, I treated her like dirt. She didn't deserve that. She was too good for me to begin with, but I chased her away. I loved her; truly, truly loved her. And you still do.

The annoying hum of the voices from the TV drains out the silence throughout my apartment. Izzy is lying on top of me, blankly staring at the TV as I scroll through my phone.

"Hayden?" she asks quietly.

"Hmmm?" I hum back to engrossed in my phone to actually say something.

"Do you even care about me?"

I manage to tear my eyes away from the little screen to look at her. Her eyes are filled with sadness. I stare right into her eyes and say, "Yeah" and immediately go back to my phone. She moves off my lap, grabs my phone and throws it across the room.

"What the hell are you doing?!" I yell, my voice to echoing through my little apartment.

"You obviously don't care!" she screams. "You haven't paid attention to me in weeks. What's going on with you?!"

Anger courses through my veins as I stare at my girl in front of me. I stand from the couch and start pacing throughout the room, tugging at my hair in frustration.

"What are you even talking about? I pay attention to you," I say, baffled.

"No you don't! You're on your phone the entire time or ignore me completely when you're not. I'm sick of it, Hayden!"

"I'm sorry. You knew from the start how I am."

"Don't start that bullshit with me! I've taken my time and energy to love you, but I guess it was just a waste of my time," she says poking my chest at every word.

"You're right," I say and look straight into her eyes.

"You can't fix me. I'm broken. Always have been, and always will be."

"I've managed to see a different side of you. There's hope, Hayden." Is she fucking crazy?

"Never." I say through gritted teeth.

Her eyes widen as she backs away from me. It's like she's seen a monster. That's when I notice, my fists are clenched at my sides, my breathing is rapid. My fists unfold, whatever hard expression I held is now filled with regret and sadness as I stare at the sobbing girl in front of me. Am I becoming my father?

"You know, Hayden, I had hope for you. Watching you transform before my eyes brought me to my happiest. I'd actually thought you changed. Now, I know the truth," she says as tears flow down her face, now paler than usual.

"Izzy," I say quietly heading towards her.

"Stop," she begs putting her hand between us.

When she heads for the door, I collapsed to my knees. I tug at my roots of my hair and look into my lap. My worst nightmare is coming true right before my eyes.

"Please, don't leave me." I plead looking into her lifeless eyes.

"Goodbye, Hayden. I'll always love you." she says and walks out the door.

What have I done.

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Authors note: hey guys! I hope you enjoyed this short story! I know with the title I've gone back and forth with putting it up on 抖阴社区 and taking it down, but I want to know what you guys think. Should I create this into something bigger? Should I keep the same point of view it's at right now or should I change it? Let me know! Thanks guys :)