Behind The Shadows

C H A P T E R O N E

“Megan Jane! You’re right! You better hi—“ He stopped when Mom nudge his arms.

Mom told him to lower down his voice.

“Sorry.” Dad mumbled.

I’m wrong. There would never be a chance for Dad to change his answer whenever we have this topic. It’s cruel for me. It’s not fair for me. I wonder why they let me live if the society doesn’t want me.

“Does that mean we have to do Megan’s chores? Aw. It’s not fair!” Madeleine said still playfully.

I know she’s not serious about it. I know she just wants to help me, she just wanted to end this conversation right away. But for the first time, I’m hurt for the words Madeleine chose, I’m hurt how fragile I am. I feel sorry for them, because I can’t help them with the house chores, I can’t do anything that will make them happy. I can’t do anything. I’m not capable of anything.

“Madeleine!” Justine shushed her.

I know that he knew what I was now feeling.

“Megs, I’m sorry. I didn’t me—“ I pulled back the chair away from the supper table, and got to my feet, I lowered my head so that they’ll not see me bursting again with tears.

I can feel the lump forming on my throat, but instantly swallow it.

“Sorry.” I mumble, I’m not sure if they heard me.

I ran upstairs, to the attic, the place where I belong. The attic, where things are placed when they’re not in use, the place where the books are that belong to Justin and Madeleine when they’re little. The fairy tales, nursery rhymes and the fiction books. Right there, I live there, with my imaginations, with the author’s imagination. The imagination that would go further that’ll not end, the imagination where it’ll stay like itself, the imagination where I’m the only one who knew, the things I imagine that would never become real.

Screw reality—even just for a moment.

But I thought to myself, reality will remain like what it is today. I’m forbidden. Society doesn’t want me. It’s better if I don’t exist.

I lay down on my bed. I felt the soft pad under my back, which holds me tightly, I can feel the warmth of the cushion at the same time, that makes me slightly better than before. The feeling of warmness all over my body, the feeling of security when I lay here all the time, this feeling makes me happy, and at the same time

I’m afraid that I’ll lay here forever.

Outside. Just once.

No noises were heard from downstairs. They probably fell silent after I walked away. I looked at the tiny hole at the ground revealing downstairs. They stood there, eating quietly. The plates I used was now hidden, even the chair was now tucked inside the table. No signs I existed. They looked one complete family. Silently eating, like their life depended on it.

A streak of liquid rolled down to my face, feeling the cold, wet sensations from my hand. This is the worst type of crying, the silent one. This one when everyone doesn’t know. This one where I feel it in my throat and my eyes become blurry from the tears. This one where I just want to scream. This one where I have to hold my stomach to keep quiet. This one where I can’t breathe any more.

No one had ever told me exactly what would happen if anyone saw me.

Death?

I had a hard time thinking about it. Dad always scolds me whenever we got that conversation. Mom becomes deadly serious. Justine and Madeleine don’t talk about me. Maybe, they just don’t like me. I don’t want to think that way, but I can’t help myself.

I close my eyes, readying myself little by little to dream. Dreaming to be free. Dreaming to be like normal kids, who get up every morning to get ready for school. Dreaming to read other books instead of the books inside the shelf which I read for almost hundreds of times. Dreaming that my prince would get me and we could live a happy ever after, like the book I read Rapunzel.

My head is now full of dreams. Dreams which I know wouldn’t happen and will never be. It’s like simply lifting my arms to reach the shining star, but I know, it’s impossible.

It’s impossible to change the reality.

I cover my face with the pillow beside me, letting the pillow damp from my tears. A soft moan of pain was released from my throat, I can’t force to hide it any more. I let myself fell from sleep. Still had my dreams inside my head. And wish that this will come true, even just from my own world.

What do you think? This would be the introduction :DD The Reiss family.

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Forgive me for my grammatical errors.

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