Home Is Where My Heart Is, Only With You. (Johnlock)

 [Author's Note (AN): IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ: I'd like to explain before you continue on with this story; the point of veiw, or POV, will switch between John and Sherlock. You can tell it has switched by this symbol: ---

I will leave it up to you to figure out who's perspective it is. Don't worry, I will leave context clues. So have fun figuring it out. :D (It shouldn't be hard.)

And also, I will be trying to leave a song reference in each chapter. The genres will be very mixed, because that's just what I listen too. I have no idea if any of these songs are actually played on radios or listened to in London, or if it'd be something John or Sherlock would listen to, but if not, you'll just have to deal with that, because in this story it is and they do. :P Enjoy! ^_^]

Slowly sipping away my Earl Grey tea, the choice of tea for this weary morning, I recap what happened last night:

  As always, the dream felt real. He came back to me. He came back! And he loved me, he loved me as much as was humanly possible, for him. We kissed, we danced, he played for me a sweet melody on his violin that drowned out our depressing song, and we lived together, in our flat in 221b Baker Street. It was a dream come true, but that's all it was, a dream. This is always where the screaming comes in.

 Reality strikes, as that horrid day plays out again in front of my eyes. The scene of him smiling at me playing his violin burns, melts, tears apart, and suddenly I'm in the street, yelling, screaming at him. He stands on top of that building - the building I never want to see again, yet stare up at again and again, every night - and I watch him in horror. He throws the phone we were just speaking on behind him, spreads his arms out, and I scream louder, tasting blood coming from my throat. But no matter how loud I scream, he falls, every night. And every night, I watch him fall, tears streaming from my eyes, the loudest of all my screams escaping my mouth. The fall was terrifying. The pain of it was never ending. Then darkness surrounds me, the darkness I feel everywhere and inside, the darkness he left for me to wallow in and all I can hear is my own screaming agony. The dark is so cold. It's so empty, I'm empty, and I have nothing to fill it with anymore. But as I'm woken up by a loud noise, I realize it's that same scream coming out of my own mouth. That's one way I know I'm always screaming through the night.

  With tears already covering my face, a fresh new waterfall begins. I lay there covering my face whispering to the darkness, "Sherlock... Sherlock... Sher-" until I bolt up and grab my phone. I play our song, I don't know how many times over, and sing along, crying and thinking of him and what I could have done or said that last day, and a certain thought comes to mind. 

  I stop singing. "Sherlock Holmes, I'm done." I'm no longer whispering I notice. More as if I'm declaring my fate to the image of Sherlock that has appeared in front of me. "I can't endure this pain any longer." After this statement and secret desision I have made and swear to fulfill in my mind, I begin to sing again. And every night as I sing along, each time I swear I can hear his voice singing right along with me.

   I snap out of my thoughts, noticing there's tears down my face yet again. I sip my tea to find it lukewarm. Just my every morning routine; tea, thoughts, tears, and a new cup of tea, never finishing the first one. I wonder what exactly I could have done or possibly could have said to make him stay with me. I turn the radio on. The music flows, interrupting my wondering.

  ...lonely here tonight. I'm lost here in this moment, and time keeps slipping by, and if I could have just one wish, I'd have you by my side. Ooh oh, I miss you. Ooh oh, I need you. I love you more than I did before and if today I don't see your face. Nothing's changed, no one can take your place. It gets harder everyday. Say you love me more than you did before and I'm sorry it's this way, but I'm coming home, I'll be coming home and if you ask me I will stay, I will stay. Well I try to live without you, the tears fall from my eyes. I'm alone and I feel empty. God, I'm torn apart inside.*

  "Aaaaaagh shut up!!" I pick up the radio playing the song that's speaking painfully to my heart, and throw it to the wall, watching it, through tears, smash into peices. Silence follows as I note I'll need to be getting a new radio soon, but not now. Not at 4:23 in the morning. No, that will have to wait.

---

  "Aaaaaagh shut up!" CRASH!

  "John," I whisper. I shudder as a new wave of tears over take me, "it hurt me too."

  I knew the reason he broke his radio, most likely by throwing it against the wall, was because the song was singing the words he'd like for me to say to him, just like our song sings the words he'd like to say to me.

  I rest my head back against the building wall, the tears running from behind my sunglasses. The sun is just beginning to come up, and I can't risk being seen. But I do this every night, and no one has even looked at me yet. I hug my knees closer to my chest and rest my chin on top my folded arms, which are laying over my knees.

  "John I swear, I will return to you, my love."

  I slowly, silently, stand up and hail a cab, as John falls to the ground, beginning the breakdown he has every morning right around 4:30, my cue to leave. I don't want to hear his sobbing, the torture of his screams every night are enough.

  Soon I arrive at my brothers, one of the select few who know I'm alive. I enter the house, not even knocking.  This has been my 'home' for about a year now, though it feels nothing like home. I hurry into my room and change out of the diguise I wear at night and into my normal, comfortable clothes: a suit, my trench coat, and a scarf, and begin my day, which I know will be full of action, as this is one of the last days I'm away from the man I love.

  But before I can leave the room something hits me and I fall to the ground.  I hold my head, trying to think. My subconious has stopped me and knocked me to the ground, what is it I need to remember? I close my eyes and place my fingers on my temples, entering my mind palace.

  The first thing I see is John, such a beautiful angel.

  Angel.

  I quickly jump up, turning my laptop on. I huff in frustation and impatience as my computer takes what seems a thousand years to turn on.

  "Come on!"

  Not even able to sit as a new adreneline pumps through me, my thoughts race. Little bits of last night stick to the front of my mind. Listening to him whisper words of love in his sleep, then hear them get interupted by screams, then his loud crying, and finally our dreadful song. Someday we will replace that song with something more sweet, loving, and hopeful, I swear it.

  But something still nags at me. Something he said last night was different then the other nights.

  As I click furiously, type faster than I think I ever have, I find myself on John's blog. Why am I on his page? Confused, I open the latest update. I read it over. The same it has been for two years, he simply talks about his dreams and his feelings.

  About a year ago he confessed for the whole world to see that he's in love with me. It was one of the happiest yet depressing blogs I had read from him.

  But as I reread his last blog, I see something that catches my eye. I freeze, bent over my laptop reading the same sentence over and over again as the reality of it sinks in. It clicks, and I suddenly remember what was different about last night.

  "Mycroft!!"

*Song reference: Miley Cyrus - Stay

[I'm not a big fan of hers, but that song is pretty amazing. Just cause she's crazy doesn't mean her music is horrible. :)]