When I need to vent

im sorry im not what anyone wants.

im fucking sorry. i try, i just want to make my own decisions. but i dont deserve to, do i?

i guess ill just be a puppet. maybe then... maybe then youll love me. if i do everything you want.

will you love me...?

my arms are cut and red. it hurts. it really hurts.

ive never cut... but now...

but you dont care. maybe if i showed you the scars... maybe youd care. but i dont want to.

i want to see how long before you realize what i want. how im dying silently. screaming.

i just want to be cuddled. to be held. but its okay. for i am just a puppet, to be left alone...

all i want for christmas?

to bundle up and watch movies all day.

to have activities to occupy me.

i just want to be anywhere but here. thats my christmas wish.

but another year where i get stuff i dont need.

oh well. the puppet does not get a choice...