Detecting Falsehood

36

I smile slightly at that, seeing the surprise that reverberates through the room at this honest admission. He's learning, slowly, and I'm almost proud of him, in an odd fond way-

Oh no. We're not going down that rabbit hole. I refuse to get into that sort of mess. Especially with someone who will probably never want me. I'm not going to cause myself more pain than I need to. That would just be pointless.

I let out a yawn, an action which is quickly copied by practically everyone else in the room, and we all break into amused laughter, the tension left behind from months of distance shattering in a single moment. We're all exhausted, tired of being the protagonists in this stupid action movie, tired of being the deer in some hunting simulator. It's about time we got to be happy.

It's about time we had something to bring us back up again.

I know I don't really deserve it, not after everything that happened to 21, as I couldn't save her, but I can't blame myself forever. I've learned that lesson with Taeyeon. Getting too upset just led to this situation in the first place. I can't allow myself to shatter until I know there will be a chance to pick up the pieces again. And for now, it's not there.

It might not ever be.

But I'm willing to risk exploding. It's got past the point where I care about things like that, and now I'm just desperate to protect everyone else. My friends are vital to me, otherwise I wouldn't have felt that flood of relief when I saw them, alive and healthy despite the mental trials they've been through in my unexpected absence.

Who needs to be happy, when everyone else is around them? Isn't that what it's all about?

I know it's unhealthy for me to be so dependent on them, but I've given up on any other shot at positivity. This is just how I am, how I've always been, accentuated by the experiences I had trapped within the building of the gang. I have just learned to accept it, over time.

If it doesn't hurt them, why should I care?

"So what now?" Namjoon says quietly, looking over at Jungkook and I with worried eyes. We all turn to look at him, confused, and he just shrugs, not knowing how to explain himself. "You can't stay in these tunnels forever. It's no way to live. How would you eat, use the toilet, exist as people? Surely you'd get tired of each other? And I'm sure Jungkook's father isn't stupid. He will find you one day."

There's a moment of silence, as all of us realise that he's right. We have to figure out how to approach the future, or it won't exist. It's that simple. I, at the very least, would be dead the moment Jungkook's father saw me. And he still thinks that Junghoon is alive. He wouldn't kill someone he believes to be his favourite twin.

He might. But it's unlikely.

"I'm not entirely sure what to do, actually. My first thought was to reunite Tae with friends and family, hope they're okay and that we don't accidentally ruin anything for them, and then figure things out from there based on the ideas they have. I wanted us to be safe, comfort and practicality weren't on my mind," Jungkook admits openly, sighing.

"I think reuniting with family is a good next step," Jimin says cautiously after a few seconds' consideration. "But I don't know where they are, so it could be difficult to travel there. And Tae has always said that his neighbourhood isn't the best."

"Yeah, about that..." I say sheepishly, coming to a decision in my mind. "I wasn't technically lying, but there's a reason why I never invited you round. Why none of you met my family."

Jimin tilts his head. "Vandalism, right?" he says expectantly, and I shake my head awkwardly. "What? But you always said-"
"I said whatever I knew you would believe out of an attempt to keep you safe," I interrupt quickly. "I knew you would accept that as an excuse. But in reality, that's not the true part. It's not the most cheerful of places to live, but that's not the reason why."

In a quiet voice, I slowly explain my past to my best friends, who simply nod whenever I pause, thoughtful expressions on their faces. Jungkook sits beside me, one hand still carefully and reassuringly resting on my back, keeping me within reality. I know that this is a tough thing to admit, especially since it shows that I'm a bigger liar than the others thought.

They trusted me, and in a way I let them down. I can understand if they don't trust me, even if that doesn't seem to be the case. I guess I'm explaining something that gives a reason for all of the times I was right that people pretended to be one thing when they were really another. And it also shows why I'm not surprised that 'Junghoon' is actually Jungkook.

Or something like that.

But it does feel good to finally let all of those secrets go, have things out in the open, even if technically it's more dangerous for my friends. I know that I hid myself from them in the way I did for their own benefit. But that doesn't mean I liked to trick them into believing I was exactly normal, when in reality I'm a genetically modified test subject who's been through more than the average person who's my age.

If the average person hasn't been experimented on multiple times, threatened with death, moved across the country for security at a young age to an overly secure housing estate, lost their younger sister to the authorities and then gotten kidnapped a few hours later, forced into beatings (I only had one or two but it counts), trapped into being unable to save a best friend from death, and then freed by another friend that lies like it's a secondary instinct.

But I really don't think that's something that happens to the average person, if I had to be honest.