Polysomething

Chapter Two

Alex pouted her plump lips and groaned. "Oh, Aaron. I'm so sorry."

Aaron shrugged. "It's fine."

"No, it's not. I made you go to the bar with me and then I just...left you to vomit."

Aaron laughed through his nose. "It's all right, Alex. Just tell me why you broke up with Steve."

"But—"

"Stop," Aaron said, putting up his palm. "My mouth tastes like Cajun cow balls right now, so just tell me why you broke up with Steve or I'm going to the bathroom to drink my bottle of Listerine and then I'm going to bed. Okay?"

Alex looked at Aaron, frowning. "Okay, I'm sorry. I uh...broke up with Steve because I...saw him making out with another girl at the bar." Her face twisted into the same sad expression she had when Aaron entered the apartment and then, as if someone suddenly flipped the crazy switch in her head, burst into laughter. "Jesus Christ, I'm so stupid! Of course he was making out with another girl. I took him to a bar for poly...somethings."

"Polyamorists."

"Yeah, that." Alex's eyes returned to the floor, shooting a pointed glare. "God, I'm such a fucking idiot."

Aaron huffed in frustration. Fuck my disgusting mouth. "Alex, stop. Don't say that."

"Why?" Alex asked, looking back at Aaron. "I took my boyfriend to a bar for poly..."

"Amorists."  

"Amorists and I wasn't expecting him to fool around with other women?" She suddenly slid down to the velvet cushions with another groan. "Jesus, I just wanted to spice things up a bit, but nope, I wound up fucking myself."

Aaron laughed through his nose. "You didn't fuck yourself, Alex. Steve was a huge deuce bag. I mean, come on: he used to joke around"—he made air quotes— "about fucking other woman all the time. The dude obviously wanted to cheat."

"Oh my God," Alex said, turning to Aaron. "Do you think he cheated on me?"

Aaron shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know," he said then shook his head. "That's not the point. The point is...you knew he was a scumbag, but you continued dating him anyways, sooo...I'm sorry to say but shame on you."

"God damn it." Alex pushed her face into Aaron's arm and mumbled something into his damp skin.

Aaron chuckled, looking down at Alex. "What?" There was no response. "Um, Alex?" he said, shaking his arm. "I didn't quite catch that mumble."

Alex looked up with another white girl pout. "I said, 'How am I supposed to find my soulmate if I'm such an idiot?'"

"Oh my God," Aaron responded, his eyes rolling into his head and flicking the back of his skull. "You're not an idiot, Alex! You just got to stop dating scumbags."

Alex pressed her lips together and released a cutting the big toenail too deep-sound. "Well, that's a pretty big if."

"No," Aaron said with a hard look, "you can do it. Just try to be a little more...selective, all right?"

"Selective? But I like being a big whore." She stared at Aaron, the innocent grin of a child creeping along her pale cheeks until it was broken by an exaggerated sigh. "All right, fine. I guess I'll be more selective. Are you happy?"

Aaron gave a light laugh. "Yeah, sure."

"Good." Alex returned the laugh with a weary smile then added: "Thanks, boo."

"Of course," Aaron said, smiling back. "You're very welcome."

Again, there was silence until Alex placed her head against Aaron's shoulder and said, "You know what? At least something good's going to come out of this break up."

"What's that?" 

"I get to be here more often. Isn't that nice?"

"Mm..."

Alex straightened up. "What?"

"Well, I'm happy you'll be here more often but uh"—Aaron gave a sour, summer trash wince—"that means I won't be able to masturbate as much as I used to."

"Um, okay. You can still masturbate in your room, can't you?"

"Who says I masturbate in my room?" Aaron looked upon Alex with a devious smile then titled his head to the couch.

"Oh my God," Alex said, standing up. "I'm going to the chaise."

"Um..."

"You masturbate on the chaise, too?"

Aaron clenched his teeth, nodding. "Yeah, a little bit."

"Okay, I'm going to need a map of all the places you jerked off in this apartment."

Aaron laughed. "All right."

"Good. Then I'll add all the places I've jerked off in and we'll be all set, sound good?" A wide smile veiled the last hint of despair on Alex's cheeks.

Aaron rolled his eyes, laughing again. "You're so stupid."

"Yeah, I know, but you love me anyways."

"Yeah, I guess," Aaron said with a dismissive side eye. He took a quick breath, impressed that he had successfully steered Alex from the possible 'I'm going asexual'-meltdown, then stood up. "All right, I need to deuce my mouth with Listerine and then it's off to bed."

"Oh, Aaron," Alex said, frowning. "I'm so sorry you threw up."

Aaron shrugged. "It's okay, I'll live." He started for the bathroom. "Have a good night."

"Yeah, you too, my little survivor."

A hard laugh ejected from the back of Aaron's throat as he grabbed the bottle of mouthwash from his pocket. He then stepped into the bathroom while singing the chorus of Destiny's Child "I'm a Survivor" underneath his breath.