Broken - Loki x Reader

[Y/N]'s P.O.V.

   Everyone turned to see the owner of the voice except me. I knew it was Loki. I'd recognise his voice anywhere. By this time Loki had cut the allusion so the fog, light and dress were gone. I was back to my regular clothes. But what Loki was about to say made me want to sink into the ground.

   "What do you mean she didn't plan on it being a fake?" Bucky asked. Loki rolled his eyes.

   "She was planning on killing herself. She was waiting for her body to hit the ground. If I hadn't been there-" I cut him off.

   "We get it Loki. I would have died if you hadn't been there to-" I swallowed the lump rising in my throat. "to stop me." I gave a small shake of my head and pushed past everyone, leaving the room. Footsteps echoed behind me. A hand grabbed my wrist.

   "Let go of me." I growled. They didn't let go. I turned around. Bucky stood there.

   "You think about killing yourself?" He asked. Concern glittered in his eyes. I looked away. I couldn't look in his eyes.

   "I don't just think about it, Buck. I've tried." A silence filled the air. Then something broke it. A quiet sob. My sob. "Buck I tried and I tried. But they would always bring me back. No matter what I tried. My life wouldn't end." He hugged me and I buried my face in his chest. He rubbed my back.

   "Shhh... It's ok. It's going to be ok." I wanted to believe that, I really did. But I couldn't. Those I killed. They didn't get to choose when they died. I decided that they should die. They didn't get a say. What I did frightened my entire family away from me.

   "No it's not." I argued. "I'm a mass murderer, Buck. Why shouldn't I die?" He took me by my shoulders and looked down at me. Piercing blue eyes. It's strange how differently the same eyes can look in different situations. "I want to die." He gripped my shoulders tighter.

   "[Y/N] no. You're not with Hydra anymore. Don't do anything stupid. Please." He begged. "I'm begging you to stay alive." I looked at him. His eyes were pleading. I swallowed. Bucky wiped tears from my cheeks. Tears I didn't know were there.

   "I'm going to try, Buck. When you left, that was more they were able to do to me." I told him. "The only things they ever told me were that you dead or you left me for dead. It broke me a bit more and more each time." He nodded.

   "I'm so sorry." He said as he lessoned his grip on my shoulders. "I'm going to tell Stark to put you in a secure room until you're in a stable condition. If that means a cell, then so be it." With that he walked away. I just stood there. I'm mentally unstable? Yeah. I definitely am.

   "If I told you it will be alright, would you believe me?" Loki's voice came. I turned around to see him leaning against the wall. I shook my head. "Would you believe me if I told you that I shall always be here for you?" I nodded. "I will always be here for you, my dear." I looked at his eyes. Blue. Icey blue.

   "Thank you, Loki."