Detecting Falsehood

39

That genuinely hurts a person. I know that.

"I'm sorry that you don't get to be true to yourself or to those you love, if there is anyone left. I'm sorry those researchers were assholes and didn't provide your father with results in time. I'm sorry that there's nothing I can do to change the past and make life kinder."

He rubs his nose with the back of his hand, his gaze fixed pointedly elsewhere, as he tries to fight back the tears. But he needs to hear this. He needs to have that reassurance, even if it's come too late to be helpful.

"You're not a bad person, Kook. You never have been. I've said it before, but I won't stop saying it until you believe me. You're not the villain, and you shouldn't feel guilty for things you couldn't control. It would be unfair of me to say that I haven't made mistakes before as well." I smile slightly to myself. "One of those was choosing not to trust you in the beginning."

Jungkook glances over at me, eyes wide with an emotion I can't place, and a single drop of water escapes from one eye, falling to the floor. He shakes his head, wiping the trail of water off of his face roughly with his free hand. "Sorry, something in my eye," he says quietly. I just nod in understanding, ignoring the familiar spark of a lie. In this situation, I don't mind as much.

And then suddenly, without any warning, there's an upward gradient, as the tunnel walls begin to shake under the effort of staying up. Jungkook swears under his breath, taking  deep breath and then doubling his speed, practically lifting me up in order to ensure that we stick together. Our efforts to bring down that small part of the ceiling must have done their job too well.

"The whole system is breaking down," he comments, his grip tightening on my wrist as I nearly crash into the wall at a T-junction, so that I don't smash my face into the dirt. "It was just a matter of time, I guess. I never reinforced them with wood, and I'm just lucky the soil here has a lot of clay. Otherwise it would not have kept its shape. I kept having to rebuild parts when the system was being created."

"And you didn't tell me because?"
"Didn't come into my mind. I was more focused on keeping us both alive, strangely enough. Next time I'll just leave you there, see if that's better," he snaps. Then he shakes his head. "I didn't mean that. Sorry, I'm a lil bit stressed."

I raise an eyebrow, as we come out into the light of day, squinting and wincing at the sunlight. "I hadn't noticed," I comment dryly, smiling a little when he rolls his eyes and leads me a while away from the entrance to the tunnels before stopping so that we can catch our breath. It looks like we're in the middle of an old forest trail.

"Where are we?" I ask curiously, looking at the trees around us, fascinated. It's been so long since I've been outside in a place like this, so it kind of feels weird. But it's nice, in a way. The air is fresh instead of stale, there's no hint of human activity, and it's all just so much calmer. I feel like I could relax here, in the dappled shade of an oak tree.

I don't think I can remember the last time I felt like somewhere was calming or positive.

"I discovered places in the forest which would make tunnel entrances look like rabbit holes. We're about a mile from where Taewa was during that phone call, I think. I tried to bring us in a direction that would prove useful."

"I didn't even know there was a forest so close to town," I say, shocked. Jungkook just smiles slightly, sitting down on the leaf litter covering the bare earth beside a tree. copy the action, knowing that he wouldn't stay in one place if he didn't think we had time to.
"We actually moved about five or six miles out of town," he admits quietly. "It's safer that way."

"Miles?" I repeat, amazed. "You're telling me that, as a kid, you excavated five or six miles of tunnels under the city? Without anyone knowing? And no help? How the hell is that even possible?"

He shrugs. "I spent full summer holidays down underground, after school, any chance I got. My father was too busy trying to run a gang to notice that his only surviving son wasn't around. And whenever he noticed, I just told him I was studying in my room."
"But why make the system so big?"

"Two reasons. One, security, and two, as a way to distract myself from grief. Junghoon was my hero. It's hard to come to terms with the idea that someone is gone, especially when they're almost godlike in your mind. So I focused on the tunnels instead of on my grief, until I just couldn't feel anymore. It gave me energy. I told  myself he'd be proud of me, if he knew."

I nod quietly, pulling my knees into my chest and leaning against the trunk of the tree, the bark scratching ever so slightly into my back through my shirt. Jungkook does the same, right next to me, so close that I can practically feel every breath he takes, as his ribs expand and contract in a slow, even rhythm.

It's oddly intimate, in a way, and for some reason it helps me to relax a little, helps me to realise that it's going to be okay. Sure, we're going to be suffering for a long ass time. And it's going to be difficult. But I know that in the end, there will be some sort of happiness waiting for me. I've just got to keep holding on.

Even if it seems like that's impossible.