Shattered

After discovering my Roza could potentially be out there I felt a relief lifted from my chest. If this was true of course. For the past year I had blamed myself for her death. Maybe she wouldn't have died if I hadn't lied. I love her and I was too haunted by my past to admit it. She is my everything and I denied her and myself with that one stupid sentence. That one stupid sentence that basically sent her to her death. This cousin of Roza's looked identical to her and even had the same sense of humor. Rose had never mentioned a cousin so it caught me by surprise when we found out Abe had a new guardian who just so happened to be a Mazur relative. Everytime I looked at her I saw Rose and I felt that guilt and pain that had been haunting me since Lissa got the call. I missed Rose. Missed the chance to tell her how I really feel but it was too late.

Dinner was less than enjoyable. Our heads were all spinning with possible solutions for Rose's whereabouts. It just didn't make sense why she would leave us. I hadn't realized it but I must have been staring at Rachael because she eventually snapped.

""You know it's rude to stare," she reprimanded and I felt like a little kid back at my hometown in Baia being scolded by my mother. "Maybe we should just cut this dinner short since you are all concerned about looking for my cousin who is in fact dead. I would really appreciate it if you stopped reminding me of my beloved lost family member," she continued. I felt bad I may have lost the love of my life but she lost a family member and here we were getting our hopes up and her hopes up when we could have a false lead. Which I hoped was not the case.

"So Guardian Mazur," Lissa began trying to ease the tension and deafening silence.

"Rach is okay," she corrected Lissa.

"Rach how many molnija marks do you have?" This question surprised me Lissa knew how shy Rose was about her molnija marks. They were unwanted reminders of lives lost whether they were strigoi or not. But here Lissa was skipping right to the chase. She may as well have held an interrogation light above her head waiting for her to answer. Gosh I have been hanging around Rose too long I'm starting to sound like her.

Rachael smiled widely before answering shoving a fork full of food in her mouth,"545."

Eddie chocked and tried to redeem himself."I'm sorry what?" He asked clearly not believing her.

"545," she replied again as gasps filled the room. I was highly shocked but wouldn't show it that had to have held some guardian record. I almost felt bad for her. She looked around Rose's she and had seen and done so much. More than she probably should have. Yet so had Rose.

She stood up and turned around lifting up her hair showing us her molnija marks. They practically covered her whole neck but next to her promise mark from graduation was a star. The same one we had received for being in the attack on the school.

"Where did you get the star from?" I asked not being able to hold back anymore questions. Her face saddened and she fidgeted in her chair looking slightly uncomfortable.

"A while back there was a large attack on my hometown and only a few survived. It's not a symbol of honor it's a symbol of survival." She shivered slightly and I felt bad I shouldn't have brought it up. The attack on the school was a sensitive topic and now she was there on the opposite side of the table from me and this was starting to feel like an interrogation.

"Why work for Abe Mazur? You are clearly more than qualified to guard a royal." Eddie questioned clearly wanting to know more about the close relative of his best friend. One of his best friends. This was the first time I had seen Eddie interact with others since Rose passed. He closed himself off from the world and became even more robotic than me. He lost two of his best friends in a year that took a hard emotional toll on him no matter how hard he tried to cover it up with his guardian mask. It was always there. He was so similar to me and now I realized why Rose had always called him Dimitri Junior. He really was and I admired him for it.