Snippets From My Life

"Wait! Don't pull away..I want to hug you a little longer," after talking for the past 2 hours about where my anxiety and depression came from,  you hugged me. Not a half-assed one arm hug, you tightly wrapped me in both arms, not even letting go to give your secret girlfriend the car keys.

 I remember you being warm, I remember the way your heartbeat slowed down, like counting seconds as time went by. I felt myself start to cry, feeling the tears start to form at the corners of my eyes. 

Frantic, I tried to escape his warm embrace. Only to fail and hearing him tell me, "no, just let it out, don't hold it in," overall it made me want to cry more. Deep down, I did not want him to see me cry so soon. After all, that was the first night we really ever talked. 

I shouldn't have been the first one to let go, but I did. I shouldn't have told you about my life, but I did. I told you about the times I wanted to die, that I was in so much pain, it made me try. I remember the day you got a good view of my past mistakes.

The first day I was a cashier, you grabbed my wrist to look at my login number, it was there so I wouldn't forget it, I could see your eyes looking past the three digit disguise, seeing straight into the year before, left behind in the form of lines that crossed over one another again and again. 

I remember that night all too well, too many thoughts going through my mind, repeating to myself, '1-800-273-8255' no one should have to have that memorized. I dont like the way you make me.. Feel

She spoke, "When I was with him, my anxiety and depression was gone, " and now I think, "you are not with him, and you gave it to me along with heartbreak," I should've been mad, I should've walked out of that room, I hadn't felt so sad in so long, and you had the audacity to say, "me too."