It's her
It's always been her
I don't understand this warm, fuzzy feeling
Is this love I wonder
I've tried to trick myself out of the feelings
They're not real she won't love me back
The feelings don't stop
Every touch makes me smile
Every wink makes me blush
Oh the pain to remind myself each and every time
It's not like that
I'm only a friend, I'll never be more
Its all in my head
Every hope, every dream, every lustful look, every sliver of hope
None of its real
She'll never love me
I can only look from afar
Never wanting to do too much or too little
Too scared to speak up to say
I love you
She wouldn't understand
Or worse, she would be angry
I can't risk that
I love her too much
The grave love has dug for me is inescapable
There is no way for me to unlove her, to escape this feeling
I can only dream of the happiness and cry of the sorrow
Just to touch her like that
To know that we have each other's backs
All of the happiness and love I see in movies or read in books
The sliver of hope deep in my heart
All of it in my head
None of it's real
She'll never love me
Every day I put a mask on
Me love her?
Psh no I don't
Nothing's wrong
I'm okay
I spew it out day after day
Dying to tell someone
I'm not okay
Everything's not fine
But I clog it deep inside, not wanting to see what happens
When the truth escapes
Not wanting to know the answer because what if.....
I have to pretend every touch every look isn't special
Isn't wanted, isn't cherished, isn't hurting
My heart throbs and my head reminds me
None of it's real
She'll never love me
Why her
Why do I have to be this way
Why fall in love with someone who will never love me back
Who wants to punish me
She doesn't even know the pain she causes
The hugs, the winks, the smiles
Platonic is a word I learned from this
Platonic love, friends
She says she loves me
Platonically, of course, she adds
She says I'm hella straight
And yet, there still stands a sliver of hope in my desperate mind
Could she learn to love me?
I know the answer, its no
But my heart won't give her up
I steal glances at her
I do extra, nice things for her
I dream of a future where she would love me back
None of it's real
She'll never love me
The mind is a cruel thing
But there is always hope
Even if you know the answer
You can twist everything in your favor
See the light at the end of the tunnel
Even though it's only in your head
I've tried so hard to forget about her
But when I see her it's hard to forget
Things happen and I bite my lip
Is this a sign?
Could she feel what I feel?
I'm desperate to tell her, to know that slight change of the answer is yes
But what if it's not
How crushed will I be even though I spent these lasts months preparing for no
How will I feel when that last sliver of hope is eaten away by the darkness
Is that sliver even real anymore
Are there any possibilities
I know the answer
None of it's real
She'll never love me
Because she's perfect and I'm..... Something else
Because she's artistic and I'm psychotic
Because she has blue eyes I have hazel
Because she knows so many words and I struggle with the simplest
Because she is beautiful and I'm average
Because I have a perfect family and she has it rough
Because I'm different and she's not
Because I know and she doesn't
Because I want her and she doesn't want me
Because I would do anything for her but she wouldn't for me
All the differences and yet the sliver of hopel remains
What if she loves me
What if, what if
The sliver of hope is real.
