Dare || m.c.

Michael hated himself. Jade was the best thing that happened to him in such a long time and he was too much of an idiot to not lose her. He could've told her about the dare before. He should have. If he had told her earlier, then this wouldn't have happened. That night in the woods when she had asked him to give her a reason to trust him, he should have told her. She would've been mad then too, yes, but not as much as she as now.

Michael lay in bed Saturday night wide awake, even though it was almost 3 A.M. He couldn't bring himself to fall asleep; he kept trying and trying, but he just couldn't do it. This was kind of similar to how he had felt all that time ago, when he didn't see the appeal in life anymore. The sleepless nights, the racing thoughts, the terrible breathlessness. The only difference was that back then, he had nothing to fight for. This time he did.

Jade.

She hated Michael. He knew that and accepted that. She had every right to hate him. But did it mean absolutely nothing that he had admitted that he was wrong? Did that really count for nothing? It hadn't been easy to own up to what he had done and tell Jade about it, but he had done it. Didn't that mean anything at all? Of course, it didn't. If Michael had been in Jade's place, he would've hated himself too. Not that it made any difference. He hated himself already.

He got up from the bed and grabbed his notebook, the one he scribbled potential song lyrics in. Depressing moods like these made for perfect songs. Michael rummaged through the things on his desk until he found a pencil and sat back on the bed, jotting down his thoughts in a way that he could maybe later use for a song. It was a little difficult, because Richard had refused to let him take the gauze off of his hands yet.

When I close my eyes and try to sleep

I fall apart, I'm fighting hard to breathe

You're the reason, the only reason

Even though my dizzy head is numb

I swear my heart is never giving up

You're the reason, the only reason

This was sad. This was absolutely, positively the most pathetic thing Michael had ever done. Losing sleep over a girl who hated him, hated him for all the right reasons. He wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. He was so fucking stupid. There was absolutely nothing he could do that would make Jade less upset with him. That look in her eyes of complete and utter betrayal would haunt him forever, at least until she forgave him. But this was still stupid. Michael put the notebook away and got back in bed, trying to drift into that state of nothingness that he so desired right now. But, again, it wouldn't come. The sun was just starting to come up when Michael's eyes got too heavy for him and he fell asleep.

Sunday was horrible. Luke and Calum wanted to practice, but Ashton wasn't available. Michael knew where he was, obviously, but Luke and Calum didn't. He was with Jade, while she was meeting her mother for the first time. Michael wished he could've been there. He wanted to help her through this, but he couldn't. So he just locked himself in his room and did homework and worked on another art project until Calum showed up knocking on his door.

"How you doin', man?" Calum asked as he plopped down on the leather couch in Michael's room.

"Shitty," Michael muttered, carefully putting away his artwork in a big brown folder.

"Why? Your hands look better," Calum observed. The gauze had come off, leaving two band aids on Michael's right hand and one on his left.

"It's because of you," Michael snapped, glaring at his friend. "If you two hadn't dared me to get Jade's number, none of this would've happened."