The Worst (Unthinkable)

'How I adore our love would be so true
I just wish you knew
I'd be all yours if my mind didn't wonder
I've got scars from my life before you
Please don't think I'm insecure
I just can't trust no one else'

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2 Days Later
Bronx, New York
Belcalis Almanzar

I folded under pressure, I ran out like a lil bitch and didn't look back.

I was really feeling pussy cause I couldn't bring myself to pick up the phone and call her, I knew she was hurting but my pride and shame was holding me back from making this shit right.

I inhale deeply from the backwood ashing the rest, I didn't know what I was gone do.

My past had made it so hard for me love her the way she loved me, I wasn't insecure just damaged.

I couldn't apply all of me to her.

That nigga really did a number on me and it was costing me something so precious to me, someone that I had grew to adore and love.

I tried so hard to pull away from her in the beginning and she just kept making it impossible for me to forget her, she was persistent.

She bulldozed through every wall I took time to put up so effortlessly and I couldn't handle it.

I was way past in too deep, I was so far gone.

So far gone into her and her pouring her heart out to me gave us the realness that I couldn't handle, so I ran.

I wondered what was running through her head, how she felt, what she was doing.

When I finally grew the balls to swallow my pride and see her how would it go?

Things that constantly ran through my head since I ran out her spot.

My phone vibrating next to me snatches me out these thoughts, picking it up I answer seeing it was star calling.

"Wasspoppin?" I greet.

"The block, pop out they got the bikes out here" She says and I could faintly hear them in the background.

"I'm not really in the mood right now, I'll pop out tomorrow or something" I respond uninterested.

"You aight?" She questions concerned.

"Yea I'm just mad tired for some reason" I easily lie and the line is quiet for a minute.

"Alright, call me if you need anything or something come up" She says and I nod even though she couldn't see me.

"You know I will, be careful out there" I tell her before ending the call.

I needed a nap so I could sleep on this shit, when I woke up hopefully I'd figured out what I was gone do.

2 Days Later
Bronx, New York
Onika Maraj

I sat on the couch legs folded with a blanket over me as I texted back and forth with quavo.

It wasn't like that though, he asked for my number after class yesterday on some friendly vibes and I didn't have the heart to tell him no.

He was surprisingly a great distraction from cardi's stupid ass.

I knew she loved me, so why was it so hard for her to just say it?

I was hurt but I knew eventually she would fall back into me, she was just scared right now.