Quiet

I felt someone running their fingers through my hair as I started to come too. I smelt the familiar scent of my dads cologne. I then soon released the hand running their fingers through my hair was his. I made very little movement hoping to go back to sleep as my head was pounding. It felt like my head was pound as fast as my heart after running for my life. If that is saying much I wanted to stab it so I could go back to sleep.

"Log," Brendon began before leaning over and whispering in my ear. "I know you are not asleep nice try though." He patted my back before sliding over from the side of the bed.

The more I came to my sense returned. I now heard the soft beeping of the heart monitor going off behind my head. I now was hit with the scent of alcohol and bleach. It was a horrid smell but I knew this place all too well. I knew where I was an I understood why. I couldn't control it anymore and it was scaring me. I moved over throwing my arms over my eyes as Brendon moved the bed to a sitting position.

"Come on kid, you gotta talk to me," Brendon began as he moved a chair beside my bed.

'i don't want to.' I signed slowly knowing he was trying really hard to remember the signs. I kept my eyes shut worrying about what I would see if I opened them.

"Do you want to write instead of sign? I'd really like to see your eyes, Logan," Brendon tried but soon signed before resulting to something I hated, tickling.

Brendon tickled me causing me to open my eyes. Just like how I remembered, it was bright white at first then my eyes adjusted to the light. It was just Brendon and I. Zack stood out in the hall by the door. Mom was probably outside in the waiting room or went to get coffee.

"What happened? Did Tobias do something? If he did I swear I will," I cut him off

'no, Tobias, no' I then resulted to writing on a small white board I was given. I reseted my arm on the beside table and began to write

'No Tobias didn't do anything. I don't know maybe he did? It's complicated. We were both upset and arguing. I got upset and I did, what I guess I do best. I ran from my problems. I was afraid. What if Tobias was like the old people in my life. I didn't want to get hurt so I ran. I was stupid to run because I know Tobias wouldn't hurt me. I guess it's a big misunderstanding.'

"Logan this isn't a misunderstanding. You had a panic attack and a bad one at that. You blacked out and nothing Dr. Carter was doing was helping. They tried to have other people from the conference come and help before calling for an ambulance. Tobias even held you and it didn't help you actually shoved him away," Brendon said rather sadly before looking at me with eyes. I had a feeling I knew what was coming.

'Are you going to send me away?' I wrote on the board. I was so scared to hear the words yes. I didn't want to acknowledge them. So I placed the whiteboard on the beside table and pulled my knees to my chest.

"Hey-hey now. Logan look at me," Brendon said placing his hand on my arm. "Look at me Logan. I meant it when I told you Sarah and I weren't going to just get rid of you or send you away. You are our daughter. We are just scared and I know some people, a lot of who are my good friends. They deal with panic attacks and anxiety issues. We are going to help you and we are going to get through this as a family. I promise you, pinkie promise even hell. I will be right here with you always kid." He pointed to the center of my chest.

I knew he meant it. He knew he would forever be in my heart and I could never in a million years repay him and Sarah for what they were doing or giving me. I just hoped that maybe I could show it one day. Once Brendon finished his speech and removed his finger from my chest. I started to slowly let the dam go, the emotion of tears started to roll in. As they began Brendon pulled me close to him almost off the bed.

"I got you, Logan, I promise," He whispered against my head as I sobbed into his shirt.

I just nodded letting him know I heard and understood. I felt welcomed and loved. I understood in this moment it was more than just me. I had a family, I had Brendon who wasn't just going to give up on me because it was hard. I still doubted his words in my head. Some many others had told me they wouldn't leave or get rid of me but how could I be so sure. I reached for my whiteboard and marker. I began to think of what words I wanted to tell him. I knew my whiteboard was not going to be enough so I stupidly asked for a pencil and paper. Brendon just chuckled asking Zack to fetch him one. Poor Zack, probably hated us. Thus began the most meaningful thing I'd ever tell Brendon.

'I never had a dad that cared, not one male person has ever saw me for more then "fun" or a "good time". I was scared when Zack brought me home on that plane. I was confused and lost. I didn't want to leave my "home", as it was all I knew. But, my home with you and mom is worth more than I could have ever pictured. All those nights I contemplated ending my life locked in a closet for not cooperating, and the nights I was beat so bad I just wanted to lay on the floor and die. Hoping someone would just care enough to bury my body. I think everything lead me to you. I will never understand how you and Sarah found my profile book or found out about me. I truly won't ever be able to repay you and you know that. I just I want to make you proud. I want my mom and my dad to be proud of me.' I wrote on the paper before handing it to him. Brendon's eyes scanned over my writing before taking in a deep breath.

"Logan your parents no matter where they are in the world. They are proud of you. I know that because I would be proud of my kid. Even if I had to give them up. I think that for a lot of reasons we are where we are. Maybe, one day kid, I will explain to you how Sarah and I found you-" I stopped him there.

'you don't get it...' I wrote on the white board before covering my face silently contemplating if I didn't make my statement blunt enough.

"What don't I get?" He looked at the note on paper confused. I took it back circling, I want my mom and dad to be proud of me. I then wrote under it.

'I want you and Sarah to be proud of me. You are my mom and dad."