Breeder (The Ephemeral: Book 1)

The rain drenched us in less than thirty seconds. It came down hard, relentless, and a few times I lost sight of the boys in front of me, grabbing hold of Mason's hood to guide me. Suddenly, the water that had cleansed my skin of ash and demon entrails had become a hazardous inconvenience, and I couldn't remember the last time I'd hated the sky with such passion.

Mud painted my legs. Rain blinded me. Thunder and lightning shook the world, making my heart splinter at each bellow and my muscles clench at each flash of violet electricity.

It was the sound of revenge, accompanied by a foreboding, anxious silence.

Now, sitting on the floor of an abandoned mine, I wrapped my arms around my damp legs, shivering as the temperature dropped another ten degrees. Forced to stop and reflect on my actions.

I'd killed people today.

They may have lost their souls, and they may have been nothing but empty vessels of evil, but they still resembled and spoke like people. There was life there—a breathing creature capable of complex thoughts and emotions. And yet, when it came down to my life or theirs, there'd been no hesitation. I'd chosen manslaughter.

I'd even...enjoyed it. Because in the moment, it had felt like winning a competition. Like I was proving something.

But now...now I felt like I'd lost the game.

Of course, this feeling was what I'd signed up for, wasn't it? Killing other humans was the fabric of war, the staircase to victory. The aftermath of those choices was just a facet our leaders hid from trainees and new recruits.

And now I knew why.

Thunder rattled my thoughts, making me jump a few inches off the ground. In my panic and embarrassment, I lost my grasp on guilt and shame and a deeper, darker feeling.

Mason peered at me with blatant judgement. "Seriously? You'll charge a group of demons, but you're scared of thunder?"

"I'm not scared," I grumbled.

Will pressed his lips together, and in the briefest flash of lightning, it almost looked like he was smiling.

Almost.

We'd found an old mine shaft inside one of the rocky alcoves of the mountain, and upon a unanimous vote, we'd shuffled inside to escape the downpour. We had no idea if the mine was safe or toxic or unoccupied, but we were so sick of the mud and rain, we decided to take our chances.

A gradual peal of thunder hit this time. It started off as a distant roar and then shook the entire mountain in a horrific tremor. Dust floated to the floor, and pebbles danced on the ground.

My hand flew to Will's knee in search of an anchor.

It was just rain. Just a natural phenomenon. I was safe here, and I had no reason to be scared. In fact, I recognized how irrational the fear was, and it still didn't matter. Every time I encountered a thunderstorm, my insides shrank and coiled like conductive wire, and I could hardly breathe.

It was just...at any second, a bolt of lightning could zap me out of existence. In an instant, it could fry my nervous system with 300 million volts of electricity. I couldn't fight it, I couldn't outrun it, and if I happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time, I was very unlikely to survive it. No amount of training would change that.

Those kinds of odds were scary.

It was same underlying fear as the water snakes. When I couldn't see my enemy, I couldn't prepare myself. I had no control over the situation; I had to guess.