In Your Arms

*Katie's POV*

         When I came home, three hours before Chris gets off work, I cried on the couch for an hour straight. My heart hurt so bad that I actually wished Dr. Brooks had told me that I couldn't have any kids so I could rip this bandaid off a lot easier. I can't marry Chris. If we ended up not having any children, he would grow distant and resentful towards me. He would blame me and I wouldn't blame him for his feelings towards me. What if Chris cheated on me or divorced me because of this? Like if he went away on a trip or event and found some beautiful, fertile woman who could give him everything I can't. The thought leaves me heaving. The negative thoughts storm my mind and leave me feeling helpless and resentful against my own body. I hate my body. It truly is disgusting and worthless as I had once thought. Because who could love someone who cannot fulfill their dreams? I could never tie Chris down and make him live the rest of his life wondering if he could have been happier.
              As I finish up making the spaghetti, I hear several car doors slam outside. That terrifies me. I quickly place everything on the table. God, how can I face Chris? I know that the moment I see his face I'll burst into tears. I take away a plate because I cannot eat. I'm more nauseous than I've ever been.
           Quickly, I make my way to the bedroom and lay down. Copper jumps up on the bed with me. He nudges me with his wet nose, panting. I cover my face in the pillow. I can hear loud voices further down in the house. Tears escape my eyes, shame filling me. What is Chris going to do with me?
           Suddenly, Copper barks and jumps off the bed. I can hear his nails clicking against the wooden floorboards. Chris is coming. I can feel it. I can feel is heart and body as he comes closer to the bedroom. His presence scares me—I hear feet shuffle and stop at the door. I freeze and don't move a muscle. I hold my breath so he can't hear my sobs. His footsteps slowly echo as he walks closer into the room.
        "Katie?" Chris's voice sounds so dangerous, despite its gentleness. "Baby, are you sleeping?"
Be still Katie and don't make a sound! Maybe he'll buy into it! His fingertips brush against my thigh, making me lightly jerk from his sudden touch. Fudge pops! I've been caught. Dang it. Chris sits down on the bed, his hand on my side. I flinch, wanting him and his touch to go away. I let out my heavy breath, clenching the pillow.
           "Katie? Princess, wake up!" Chris chuckles, "It's dinner time."
            "I'm not hungry." My voice is cracked, broken as my heart. "So just go away and leave me alone."
            "No, I'll never leave you alone!" Chris goes to tickle me as he loves to do but I shove him away. We're going to have to get used to it. "Oh, come on! Lighten up Baby."
            As he brushes my hair with his fingertips, I begin to sob at my pain. At what I am going to have to tell him. To break his heart as bad as mine is. I honestly don't know if I can do this. I can't take the pressure.
             "Baby?" Chris effortlessly flips me over so I'm laying on my back. "Stop! Stop it! Why are you crying? You're too beautiful to cry, Princess."
           No I'm not! I wrap my arms around his neck, sobbing. Chris rubs my back softly.
"You heard from the doctor?" I bury my face into his neck, sniffing. "What did she say?"
I shake my head, letting out a painful sigh. "I'm b-bwoken."
"What?" Chris says softly, sitting me up. "Baby, stop crying now. Stop. Tell me what the ON/GYN said."
I shake my head, wiping my nose. I keep my eyes closed because I can't look him in the face. I can't.
  "Katie, tell me. Now!" Chris tightens his grip on my bicep.
"You sh-should call him tom-tomorrow." I soft cry, looking away so I don't have to look him on the eyes. "I can't even say it to your face."
            Chris is quiet for the longest time, staring at me. "Katie, you're scaring me."
             I put my hands over my teary eyes. This is so hard! How can I explain this to him? How can I break Chris's heart?
           "Just call him." I say finally, looking down into my lap "I have his number—"
            "HIM?" Chris says with raised eyebrows, "The OB/GYN is a man?"
             I close my eyes shut. "Just. Call. Him! Please."
             Chris nods. "Okay, where's this Doctor's number? And why can't you just tell me?"
              "In my purse on the counter." I say weakly, laying back down.
           Chris gets up and hurriedly rushes out of the bedroom. I feel sick to my stomach, probably morning sickness. Or just the fact I haven't eaten much today. I should probably eat, but I won't. How can I? Copper jumps up on my lap and lays his head on my side, cuddling into my backside.
            "Yeah, Copper." I say in a low voice, "Yeah."
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