Don't fall

      Waking up is a nightmare. The same shitty bed, the same shitty colors, the same shitty pillow... However, the worst part about this (by far) is not waking up with Sarah between my arms. I tried hugging my pillow once to get the same effect. I ended up with an absurd back pain and tons of disappointment. Sarah's not the type of woman that can be replaced by a pillow. Or anything else... I get up and make my way to the bathroom, as usual, watching everyone already returning to their rooms. Seems like I'm late again. I shower, get dressed and head down to the cafeteria. As I eat tasteless paste they call food and drink a non-alcoholic beverage, I notice something really fucking weird: from a distance, I'm able to recognize Sarah on the staircase, having a conversation with one of the nuns. What the fuck is she doing here? I'm only having my session in about 4 hours and Sarah always gets here 30 minutes before it starts. Why is she here so early? I go through every activity of day anxiously, keeping the good old tradition of overthinking certain questions. Finally, I rush to therapy and find Sarah, already seated on her chair. I close the door and hug her.

-Hey, Rosita. -She greets me with a smile.

-Hey... -I greet her slowly.

-Okay, what's wrong now? -She reads my expressions like a book and instantly realizes there's something off about me.

-I saw you earlier... During breakfast.

-Okay... -She says, waiting for me to continue.

-Was that really you? -I ask a little hesitant.

-Yes, hun. -She chuckles. -I came early today.

-Why? -I ask finally taking a seat.

-Well, remember the whole "from now on, I'll have to adopt a new posture and fill out some forms" thing?

-Yeah.

-Apparently, this "new posture" includes extra hours. They don't allow me to take any documents home so I have to fill them out here.

-Why won't they let you take those home?

-Because it could be pretty bad for them if I leaked any. There's one with a question that actually says: "Shock therapy, Yes?".

-Fuck...

-I know, right? If I were a parent I wouldn't be too excited about putting my child through this, no matter how much of an asshole I might be.

-Ain't that illegal? Taking peoples kids and borderline torturing them?

-You have to sign a long document to let your "kid" in here. A very long document. And confusing as well; it actually says that if you sign it, you're allowing the academy to rape your child if "necessary", but the way it's written makes it not seem like it.

-Actual rape? -I ask, worried.

-Well, they call it "Physical Conversion Therapy".

-Fuck, my heart's pounding right now. -I look down as I collapse a little on my chair.

-Of course, it's not gonna happen to you because I'm your therapist and I make those sorts of decisions, but... It still sucks that other girls have to go through it. A lot.

-A lot...

A fucking lot.

-I had a whole mental breakdown about it. If it weren't for you, I would quit at the second I found out.

-Maybe you should quit then. -I say, worried about her.

-We already had that conversation. Many times.

-Okay, I'll stop.

-Good.

We remain silent for some time, trying to deal with our awful reality.

-Have you been sleeping well? -Sar breaks the silence.

-My back pain is gone, but it still sucks.

-I feel you... -She chuckles slightly.

-So... About those documents...

-What about them? -She rolls her eyes with a smile, knowing I'm about to say something stupid.

-Where are you going to fill them out?

-Here, probably.

-Well, wouldn't a desk be a little nicer?

-I'm sure it would, but this isn't a perfect world.

-I don't really know about that, but I do know that there are plenty of desks in the library.

-Since when do you go to the library? -She smiles.

-Since I found out that I should study for my final exam...

-Oh, no. I see where this is going now...

-Finally. -I mock.

-Rosa, we are not doing this.

-What's "this"? -I joke.

-You know what I'm talking about, asshole. And we are not doing it. -Sarah laughs as she gets up from her chair.

-I need to hear you say it...

-You want us to spend more time together in the library. In front of everyone.

-Come on! It could be really nice. And we'll be really careful about it. -I get up as well.

-No, no and no. -She walks towards the door but I pull her by her waist so she'll stop walking, hugging her from behind. -Let me go. -She laughs, trying to free herself from my embrace.

-Oh, you know I'll never let you go.

-Being cute isn't gonna make me say yes. -She stops struggling and turns around to face me.

-Well, is there something that is going to change your mind?

-Again; no. -She smiles and continues to reach for the door.

-Oh, I know! -I rush in front of her and turn her around once more to face me. I push her slightly until her back is against the door.

-We had a deal to not even kiss in here and this is a position you think is appropriate? -She asks me as I hold her arms against the door, with only a few inches between us.

-If you think that's inappropriate, you're not gonna like what's coming next. -I say with a suggestive smile before I begin to kiss her neck.

-Stop it! -She mumbles trying to get away from me, putting absolutely no effort into it.

-I'll stop when you really mean it...

-I do mean it. -Her breath gets heavier as I move down to her collar bone.

-Right... -I mumble.

-Look, it's not like I don't wanna see you more often... -She says with difficulty as I pull her pants down. -You know I do, I really do... -I go down slowly as I realize that she stopped trying to escape some time ago. -But we had a deal... And we had it for a reason. -She says in between gasps. -We shouldn't be doing stuff like that... It's really dangerous. -She finishes her sentence grabbing my hair as she reaches climax.

-Even more dangerous than having sex here? -I joke as I get up and face her again.

-We cannot do that ever again... -Sar answers, breathing heavily.

In response, I take my blazer and shirt off, staring into her eyes. She looks at me for a while before she takes her top off as well and kisses me passionately.