Jihan: One Shots

"You are useless."

"Shut up!"

"You can do nothing in your life."

"Go away!"

"No one will ever love a loser like you."

"Leave me alone!"

"Everybody hates you."

"I know. You don't have to keep on reminding me. Please stop..."

__________

"There you go again, secluding yourself from all of us. I'm worried as I haven't seen you around these few days. What are doing here like this? Please let me in , babe." This was what Jeonghan had been saying for the past eight months whenever he sees a certain brown haired boy shutting himself from the world. And every time he says this, he would get the same reaction from the other, "Don't get yourself involve with me. What if I harm you? You have to go away from me."

But Jeonghan won't go just like that. He would stay there, with his boyfriend, saying soothing words, comforting him, until he would come out of his room, into his warm embrace.
"Babe, please don't do this again. Please don't shut yourself like this. I'm always here for you. No matter what I will be always there for you. I will never leave you alone. I love you, Shua. Please don't do this."

"I know. I love you too. But I fear...", Joshua stifled his crying.

"Fear what babe?" Jeonghan does not know why he asked this question as he already knows what would be the answer. And he also knows that he is not ready for what the latter is going to say, "I fear... that this is all a lie. I fear that this is not real, that you are not real, that all this is just a lie, a dream. I fear that whatever it says is right, that there is no one for me. And I don't want it to happen."

Jeonghan's heart aches every time he sees Joshua like this, so vulnerable and breaking, every time he says that this is not true, his love, their relationship. His heart aches every time when he can do nothing to help his boyfriend. A single tear escaped from his eyes but he quickly wiped it away. He needs to be strong, for Joshua, for himself and for their relationship.

"Then don't listen to it. Don't believe it because it never tells you the truth. Whatever it is telling are all lies. The only truth is that I love you and I'll always be by your side." Jeonghan said in a soothing voice and kissed the top of his boyfriend's head.

__________

Joshua knows that he is a mess, that he can do nothing in his life. He has been alone ever since he was a little boy. His parents could not understand him and the children of his age would not come close to him because in their eyes he was strange, a monster. No one was there for him. He could not explain what was going on with him, where were those voices coming from, that made him sad, angry and lonely. There were times when he could not handle those voices and as a result he would destroy everything, his bedroom, the living room, he would make the whole house upside down. His relatives and teachers thought he was a manner less boy who didn't listen to his parents. His own parents were not trying to understand him as well.

So he believed those voices, telling him that no one will ever love him, he would have no one in his life, everybody would hate him. Because why he would not believe those words as he was lonely, no one was there for him, everyone would distance away from him. And for all those years he belived all of them, until a certain black haired boy came in his life.

Jeonghan was the first person who approached him. At first he was kind of nervous to talk to him as no one had ever made any effort to talk with him. He was not sure if this was real or just his imagination and desire to be with someone. But the calming voice and the warm presence of the latter made it clear that he was real. Joshua was happy that finally there was someone who was with him, who talked with him, who cared for him. He was happy that finally he got someone whom he could love and who loved him in return.

But he knew that nothing lasts forever, just like his happiness caused by Jeonghan. Despite loving Jeonghan with his whole heart, he could not help but fear that whatever it said were true.

"You do love him, but do you think he loves you too?"

"He is just lying to you. He doesn't love you. Noone will love you."

"He is by your side because he just pities you."

"Hurt him. Before he hurts you like how they did."

He feared that he would hurt the only person who loved him. He knew that he was the poison in Jeonghan's life that would ruin everything. He knew he should cut all the ties with Jeonghan before the poison could spread and ruin anything. So he always tried to push Jeonghan away from his life.
"Please babe. You should step away from me. I may hurt you."

But Jeonghan was not the someone who would leave him. He was not someone who thinks him as a monster or a manner less person. Jeonghan would not distance himself from Joshua. He was not like them. He stayed by his side, he tried to make him comfortable, listened to his each and every word and understood him. He continued to love him just like the way he loved. He would always say, "You would never hurt me, Shua because you love me." Jeonghan became the source of light in his dark life.

And Jeonghan was right, he never hurt him, never once did he listened to it. Although the voices were trying to take control on him, he resisted. But he feared that he could not finish it, that it would win and he would forever be controlled by it. He was scared that he could not handle it. But there was always Jeonghan by his side, giving him strength, telling him to have faith upon himself. With the help of Jeonghan he came to know that he should not fear it, he must not be scared from it. So he did, although his head hurts, although he feels sick fighting with it, with himself.

He vowed that he would defeat those voices, his fear, for the sake of Jeonghan, for himself and for the sake of their love, because he knew that there is someday where he would be able to live his life the way he loves.