Finding The 抖阴社区 Words

Logan's shoulders slumped, disappointment unmistakable as it flitted across their face. Their brows pulled together, their jaw falling slack. They opened their mouth to speak before closing it a few times.

Virgil hated that look.

The look that told him he had said something wrong.

He wanted to disappear.

He wanted to get up and run.

This was a stupid idea anyways.

Why was he so stupid to think this was even close to a good idea?

Let's get to know my soulmates, Virgil. Great idea! What's the worst that could happen?

Stupid!

He reopened his book, feeling the words he had said in his mouth like broken glass.

I fucking hate it, but I feel it.

What was he thinking?

Yes, he hated the fact that he felt at home with them. He hated the fact that just being in their general vicinity brought him more peace than anything in the world. More peace than talking to Dr Picani or to his grandma, even, and they had magic in their voices, apparently. So yeah, Virgil hated the fact that he felt it, but at the same time, there was no need to say that. There was no need to let them know that he felt it, and there was no need to be cruel about it.

"May I ask why?" Logan asked after a minute, their voice cracking slightly. Virgil refused to look up, refused to look to see if there were tears in their eyes.

He had a feeling there were.

"Why I hate it?"

His voice sounded small in his ears, echoing inside his brain.

"Yes."

Hell, he didn't know. And even if he did... even if he did know that he hated it because he wasn't used to the warm feeling that spread over him when any of them smiled at him. He was afraid that he was going to ruin them and dismantle the happiness they had built up for themselves. He was only going to be a burden if he tried to get close to him. Even if he did know that, he wasn't going to admit it.

Not here. Not now.

Probably not ever.

He shrugged. "I don't know. Why don't you?"

"When I first found out I had two soulmates - before we knew about you, of course - I'll admit, I hated the idea of it all. It seemed too good to be true, you know? I didn't understand how anybody could be destined to be with someone like that. My only experience with soulmates was my moms, and whereas they love each other very much and their relationship with each other is healthy, they, as people, are toxic."

Virgil glanced up at them, half-wondering why they were opening up to him. They didn't know him. He was a stranger to all of them. And yet there they were, telling him their life story.

"As I got to know Patton and Roman, though, I realized that I couldn't base my opinions of soulmates on one bad experience. Everybody is different, Virgil. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I think I understand now why you were so hesitant about us, but I sincerely hope as you get to know us as people, you'll be more open."

"You don't... you don't know why I was so hesitant. You don't know anything about me, Logan. None of you do."

They paused for a moment, tilting their head to the side, and they looked like they were about to say something, but thought better of it. They shrugged. "Tell me, then."

Virgil flinched back at their words, his eyes widening in shock as if he had been hit. His jaw fell slack. "I... what?"

"You say we don't know anything about you, but you won't tell us anything about you. It took you so long just to say anything to us, and even longer to tell us your name. You can't put all the blame on us, Virgil. You have to be willing to put in some effort." Despite their words, their voice was soft and gentle, and Virgil wasn't sure at first whether to feel angry or calmed at their words.

He decided on anger.

"I am putting in effort," he snapped.

The librarian turned around and shushed him, and he ducked his head, though he didn't allow himself to sink into his anxiety.

He hissed out the words now, though they still held the same fire as if he was screaming them at the top of his lungs. "I am putting in effort. You think it's easy? I told you guys where I lived when I had barely met you! I agreed to this stupid meet up. I got in your car. I'm sitting here, talking to you."

"You've barely said two words," Logan mumbled, ignoring the tears that sprung up in their eyes. They refused to cry, indignation flaring in their chest.

At seeing their tears, though they didn't fall from their eyes, Virgil felt his own welling in his eyes. He knew he was hurting them, but maybe it was for the best. This whole thing was a bad idea, anyways.

"I've said more to you in the last twenty minutes than I have said to anyone in my life, ever." Except Dr Picani, obviously, but they didn't need to know about him. They didn't need to know that Virgil was as deeply flawed as he was. "I don't talk, Logan. I don't talk, and I don't make friends. I don't know why I agreed to this stupid..." He got to his feet, grabbing his satchel, "non-date anyways."

Virgil stormed out of the library, letting the library slam behind him, and Logan could feel eyes on them. People were looking at them, but they were too far gone to care at that point. They cradled their head in their hands and with one body-shaking sob, they let their tears fall.

Patton found them an hour later, slowly walking up to them and resting a hand on their shoulder. They hadn't stopped crying, though they had definitely calmed down, the tears streaking down their cheaks in silence as they flipped through the book Virgil had left behind.

"How did you know to come?" they mumbled when they felt Patton's hand on their shoulder and saw him out of the corner of their eye.

"Your eyes get puffy when you cry," he whispered.

Logan turned to him then, and they let out a small gasp when they saw that Patton's beautiful blue eyes were ringed with red, small red streaks running down his face. They had done that to him.

Patton looked down at them, and reached out to them, cradling their face in his hands and swiping the tears away with his thumbs. Logan collapsed into his touch, doing their best to hold in their tears, not wanting to cause even more puffiness in his face, or in Roman's or Virgil's.

"It's going to be okay, Lo Lo. What happened?" Patton cooed, leaning down slightly to press a kiss to the top of their head.

"I think I fucked up, Patton."

"Language, Lo Lo. And I'm sure you didn't mess up. Remember, you said Virgil has anxiety, I'm sure he just got anxious."

They shook their head. "I made him really mad. He probably hates me now."

"I'm sure he doesn't hate you. It would be impossible to hate you. C'mon. Let's get you home, and Ro and I can help calm you down, okay?"

Logan nodded, the corner of their lips twitching upwards slightly in a smile as they stood up. They weren't so sure everything was going to be fine, but they trusted Patton when he said they were.

Here's to hoping, they thought as they let Patton lead them out of the library and back to Roman's house.