The Worst (Unthinkable)

The Worst

We stayed on the main floor as she led me to a room down a short hall.

"Everything is in here" She softly speaks and I ignore her walking in, flicking the light on the side of the wall on.

Everything was boxed up which made it easier for me, I wanted to be in and out.

Stacking two boxes on top of each other I pick up the bottom lifting them both up.

Turning around I walk out the room balancing the top box as I maneuvered my way out the brownstone.

Carefully jogging down the steps I sat the boxes on the trunk before opening the back door, picking the boxes back up I slid them in the back closing the door behind me.

Jogging back up the steps I walked in the brownstone chuckling as I scooped up the tiny dimpled human being smiling up at me.

"You must be Onari" I smile and she giggles laying her head on my shoulder.

From the most recent letter she had sent me I knew that babygirl had just turned 7 months last week.

She was born April 29th, 2021. Onari Marlenis Maraj 5 pounds 3 ounces, she was a premie that was expected to arrive towards the second week of may but due to her mother not physically taking care of herself she came early.

She looked beautiful and healthy to me though so I was glad all was well and she didn't have long term health problems like many premies unfortunately did, I read a book about it to keep me occupied in jail and my heart really went out to those babies shit was wild sad.

"Nari" I hear her mother calling for her.

"You gone give that girl a heart attack" I tickle her side and she shrieks loudly bursting in a fit of giggles catching her mother's attention.

"She crawled up to the doorway" I simply explain and she nods putting her hands on her daughter's sides to take her out of my arms but the babies sudden cries makes her retreat.

"I'm sorry" She mumbles and I shake my head.

"She bool, everybody wanna party with cardi even the babies" I softly laugh as nari widely smiles flexing the deep dimples she inherited from her mother.

"Yo shorty is ya twin" I chuckle walking over to the couch.

"You mind?" I ask before sitting down and she quickly shakes her head so I take a seat in the middle of the couch.

"Baba?" The infant spoke looking up at me with almost the same pair of slanted eyes I used to adore.

Looking over I reach up grabbing the bottle off the table holding it in front of her but she pushes my hand away.

"Baba" She says again and I chuckle kind of understanding her dialect a little bit realizing what she was referring to.

"My name is cardi, say cardi" I say my name slowly and she looks at me for a minute before parting her small lips to repeat.

"Baba" She smiles and I laugh shaking my head.

"Aight you win"

I was great with kids so I knew exactly what to do until she grew tired, then when she fell asleep I could get the rest of my things so I could leave.

Putting the second to last box in the trunk I quickly jogged up the stairs to go get the last one.

It was almost 12 now seeing as time flew by as I played around with the dimpled infant.

For a 7 month old she was wild energetic, she was definitely gonna be giving her moms a run for her money by the time she turned 2.

Walking down the small hall I walked in the room picking up my last box before turning around flicking the light off in the room.

Walking out the room I walked down the short hall stopping in the living room.

I slightly smiled seeing the chubby brown skinned baby sleeping peacefully on the couch just how I left her, it might sound brazy but in that small amount of time I grew attached to her and I was pretty sure she had grew a small attachment towards me too cause she wouldn't let me leave until she fell asleep.

"You can come see her anytime you want" The soft voice makes my head snap in it's direction.

She was on the last step leading upstairs timidly looking at the floor.

"Thanks, I think I will" I slightly smile looking over at nari one more time.

"Thank you for putting her too sleep"

"It's nothing, happy birthday" I tell her sincerely with a small smile which she returns as I push past her exiting the brownstone for the last time.

Walking outside I close my eyes taking a deep breath.

I still loved her.