Before You Go [N.H]

Niall's POV

'Mate? Come on get up! Staying in bed will not change anything!'

Deo is trying to get me out of bed but I turn my back to him and pull up my covers. He sighs and gets out at the ring of the doorbell. I can hear the door opening and by the sound of it, Conor's here. I overhear them talking in the hallway.

'He's been in bed all day! He only got up for lunch. And even that. He barely ate anything.'

'Damn, I was hoping he wouldn't remember.' Conor says.

'Remember? I don't think he ever forgot.'

'Really? I thought he's been doing so much better over the last year...'

'Yeah but it's not something you get over easily... I mean I still get very upset whenever it's brought up. And I wasn't that close to her.'

'Yeah, I know... Same here. Can't be easy.'

'But we can't let him stay in bed all day. That can't be healthy.'

'Deo, it's the second anniversary of her death. Give the poor guy a break.'

'It's been two years. She chose to go. She chose to kill herself. There's nothing we can do about it. Nothing we can do to change that. Sitting in bed and giving up on everything else that's still good is not gonna bring her back.'

'Would you just shut up already!' I yell out making them rush into my bedroom. 'You don't understand. You'll never understand how I feel. I lost someone I loved. I'll never see her again. I'll never get to see how we end up. For all I know, she could've been the one. But I'll never know that now, would I? Cause I missed all the fucking signs! I should've seen it coming! I should've known how bad it was for her.'

'Niall this is not on you. You're not responsible for this!' Conor tries to reassure me with a sentence I heard way too many times.

'Yeah! She had already made her decision and nothing we could've done would've changed that.'

'Well, I could've at least try.'

'Maybe. But if she saw what you're doing to yourself right now... She wouldn't agree. She would want you to move on. Be happy... Or at least try.' Deo urges

'I can't do happy today. But if I have to, to shut you two up. I'm willing to get out. On one condition.'

'Yeah yeah, the only place you'd go to is the pub to drink the pain away.' Conor sighs.

I silently get out of the bed I've been in for so long that my back was starting to hurt. I take a quick shower and then put some clothes on. Nothing too fancy just a white T-Shirt tucked into some grey checkered pants and white converse. I let Deo drive as usual and I sit next to him controlling the music while Conor's in the backseat. Halfway through Dreams by Fleetwood Mac, I realise that we're not going the right way.

'Where are we going? This is not the way to the pub?' I ask confused. 'Aren't we going to our usual pub?'

'I don't know. Depends on how long this takes us.' Deo cryptically responds.

'How long what takes us?'

'You'll see...' He smirks.

We drive for a while, on the roads of London, with the windows down and 70s-80s music coming out of the stereo. I gotta admit this is making me feel better. Music was always a part of my life, ever since I was a child. It's always there when I'm happy and when I'm sad. There's a song for every mood and every feeling. The nostalgia from those great old tunes brings back happy memories. Yes, some of them include her, May, Margaret... The forever unanswered question.