Guarded: Sequal to Broken

Four

"I can try. And I will try. But I haven't been practicing my stone cold blank emotion look for a couple years. I might crack..."

"Do your best. We don't want him taking the joy from anyone else, and if everyone is worried about you this week, it will unintentionally pull some fun from the wedding. So try, for Luke and Sierra."

"I promise. But you have to promise to help me, to watch, to be as on me as you were when I was recovering from my attempt. Because if anything is going to drop my mental state, it's this. And I'm terrified of what I am capable of in a situation like that."

"I've got you, babe. Until the end, I've got you. Don't worry one second about that." I hum, pressing a long and loving kiss to her temple. Knowing for a fact that I will be keeping an eye on her, unwilling to let her spiral the way she did a couple years ago.

"I never thought I'd have to deal with him again."

"I never thought I'd have to deal with him period. But here we are, and we have to show him he hasn't won, that his actions will continue to keep him behind bars paying the consequences. Drunk or not, addict or not, he made a choice that night and he has to live with it. You and Sammy have been living with your own versions of consequences from his actions, he doesn't get to get off easy on his. But Mads, we have to see what he wrote to you, we have to know all that we can going into this."

"Not out loud. Just read it to yourself and I'll do the same." She nods, twisting to fall between my legs, leaning her back into my chest as I tear away the end of the envelope I'd brought with me.

Madison,
I hope these words are even read by you. I know there is no reason for you to want anything to do with me, but I'm still writing anyway.
I apologize, for everything. Sitting in prison has given me ample time to sober up and to think, and there are so many many things I did wrong with you. I never meant to hit you, not originally. That day I did for the first time, it was a bad day for me and my anger got the best of me, so I took a swing, and somehow it felt good in my messed up brain, so it kept happening. Hitting you when I was angry satisfied this weird need. And drunk me couldn't stop the need for that rush.
I cringe as I think back, knowing how many bruises and scars must cover your body and mind from my time in your life. And especially when I think of the big one; the one that should have killed you. I hope you've had it properly checked out and cleaned. I honestly hate that your mother was so afraid of me that she wouldn't go against my wishes and take you in. Your stubborn determination to stay alive for her and Samuel was what kept you alive that spring. I can honestly not see another reason you survived that, and I know Sam would not have. So thank you for protecting him.
Maddie, I hope you know I did love your mother, I did believe she could change me, but we all know it didn't go that way. I destroyed her, I broke her, physically, mentally, emotionally. She wasn't strong enough after losing your dad to control someone with such an aggressive addiction, and it ended up with her being killed. And I'm sorry, maybe life could be different if you had turned me in. But who could blame you for not, you were as terrified as anyone, if not more so.
I want you to know, Maddie, I'm being given a second trial, and a second chance. If I am able to walk free again, I would love nothing more than to get a second chance to be the man I never was in your life. To show both you and Samuel that I have a good side, that I can be a good father. I know I don't deserve that chance, but I am asking for it anyway.
I am so eternally sorry for the awful things I put you through, but I am trying to make amends, I hope you can see that, and will allow it.
From a sober and sincere heart,
Chris.

"Fuck him." Maddie growls softly as she finishes reading. "Stop blaming the alcohol and take responsibility for your actions. You were an abusive, incapable of love, angry, drunk bastard turned murderer. And that's all you'll ever be."

"I'm going to keep this, and Sam's if he will let me, for the lawyers. I don't believe a word he wrote, and I intend to make that very clear to our side. And to his come time." I nod in agreement.

"Thank you. We can go back now I guess. But I need you."

"Come on, Sam needs us both, and Duke is waiting anxiously to cuddle up in his mama's arms and calm her heartbeat." I smiles, scooping Maddie up and standing her on her feet. "I love you, Madison Rose, and no crazy step-dad trying to get out of prison is going to change that, okay? Let's go take care of Sam and you. You need it." I bring her into my chest, holding her tightly for a long moment. Turning then to support her weight against my side as we trek back down the river path towards her grandparents home.

Maddie's POV

"Sammy?" I question softly, pushing open the door to his bedroom.

"I feel like a adult now." Sam lays across his bed, staring at the ceiling, his face paled and expressionless.

"This is not what we meant when we asks." Calum chuckles dryly, dropping Duke onto Sam's chest as I close the door behind me.

"Who the fuck does he think he is? Trying to convince us to let him apologize? Sober him might me more stupid than drunk him. He knows we watched him kill her, he knows we both have scars that affect our lives from him, he knows what he did. Why does he think there is anything he could say or do to make us believe he is a better man?" Sam scratches his fingers over the dogs back, ranting to the ceiling still.

"I don't think he is a better man, not at all. He always had a way with words. Mom fell for it, I learned from it. I think he wants us to believe he is changed, he wants the judge and the lawyers to believe he is changed. But he isn't. The way he wrote my letter it was full of his manipulative writing, and his fake sincerity. It read just like he used to talk to me, the few times he would pretend to be sorry for what he had done. It was fake then and I think it's even less genuine now. And I'm scared. If he gets out, there is no way Grams and Gramps can stay here in this house, or you. Especially you. He will come here, withing a few days he will be at that door trying to get to you. And that terrifies me. He remembered this address, and he couldn't remember the day of the week before. He is playing a game, and we have to make sure we hold the check mate move, or we are all going to be in big trouble." I shake my head defiantly.

"I'm scared, Maddog." Sam squeaks. "I've never been so afraid in my life, I don't want him around. I don't want him writing me letters, or going to court, or doing anything but staying exactly where he is for the rest of his life."

"I promise you, Sammy, I will spend every last dollar I have to make that happen. I don't want that bastard around you guys either. I will buy Grams and Gramps a new house, I will move you all to LA with us. Hell, I'll move you all to Sydney if I have to, to keep him away from you. This fight is not one you will be doing alone. I am part of this family now, and I will fight beside you both until the results are what we want them to be." Calum nods, his face set and stern looking.

"Thank you, Calum."

"So we need to figure out what the news story was saying about all of this, and we need to figure out when his first court date is so we can all be aware. We have to stay on top of this, without alerting him to the fact that we are, until our lawyers let him know."

"My laptop is on the desk, lets start digging." Sam nods, sitting up only for me to pull him into a tight embrace.

"I will protect you, Sammy, just like I always have."

"Let us help protect you this time, Mads, you've been the strong one too many times."

"No," Calum sighs, picking up the laptop, "This time we all carry the weight equally. The three of us will fight this together, and we will rely on people we know and trust if we need, but always us three, as equals."

"Thank you, for choosing us. Even when you should be running the other direction." I nod, knowing he could never understand the weight his words hold on me as he commits to fighting beside us in this.

"I chose you and the past baggage you carry two years ago, and I am never, ever, going back on that choice or promise."

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