You don't really know pain until you feel it mentally and physically. Mentally, I felt like I lost a part of me when Zayn died a month ago. Physically, I was in shock. At one point, I started to blame myself, but then I realized it wasn't my fault. Zayn did that to himself, and I can't live my life with the weight of his death on my shoulders.
I've pretty much shut everyone out this past month. I've been channeling my energy into getting money anyway I can so I can get out of here and get an apartment near the ocu college campus. My first semester begins in about three months and I still haven't told my dad that I got accepted yet.
Camila has been the hardest person to shut out. She'll always come into my room late at night to try and comfort me and distract me from my thoughts. Mainly using sex. I don't mind though. I need a distraction every now and then. I know that she's been with another guy. It hurts a little but I don't really have control over what she does. She's not my daughter and she isn't my fucking sister. I can't really tell her what to do.
"This is so hard." Camila whines.
"It's not that hard." I say.
"Yes it is! I mess up every time." Here comes the annoying high pitched complaints.
Since Sinuhe and Dad are always working, I'm being forced to help Camila with her driving skills which are slim to none. At all. "Just put it in gear, and slowly press your foot on the gas." I tell her, quickly putting on my seat belt.
I watch as she shifts the car into driving gear and stomps on the gas pedal. I nearly have a heart attack in the driver's seat as we speed up the street. Camila presses the break at the stop sign making the tires screech loudly. I press my hand to my chest, releasing a long breath.
"Jesus, Camila."
"Sorry." She giggles.
"Maybe we'll try again tomorrow." I say. I've got work in a few hours anyway.
Her lips turn downward into a pout. I swear, I want to kiss them every time she does that.
"But we just started." She crosses her arms.I scoff. "Fine. Do a couple laps around the neighborhood."
Camila's eyes lit up and she places her hands back on the wheel. "Ok."
Camila's driving is terrible. It's a known fact. We nearly hit almost every mailbox in the neighborhood and I nearly had 10 heart attacks in the passenger seat. Night fall finally comes and the driving lessons finally end.
Tonight, I put my pride to the side and decided to eat dinner with the three of them. The kitchen is so damn quiet once I take my seat next to Camila in front of the plate of food that was left for me. Dad raises an eyebrow at me and Sinuhe gives me a brief smile.
"Glad you could join us." He says.
I nod, picking up my fork and digging into my food. The feeling of Camila's hand on my leg underneath the table doesn't even surprise me. Sometimes, I feel like she's a sexually charged maniac.
Minutes go by, and someone finally sparks up a conversation.
"How's work?" Dad asks in the dullest voice possible.
"Fine." I say. "There's actually something I wanted to tell you guys."
Here it goes.
He sits back in his chair while Sinuhe picks up her glass of wine to take a long sip.
"I got accepted into ocu."
As soon as the words leave my mouth, Sinuhe chokes on her drink and Camila turns to face me in shock. Dad's expression is hard to read.
"Really?" Camila says in a whisper, removing her hand.
I nod.
"It would've been nice to know that you even applied for a college." He says and Sinuhe looks at him with a look of disapproval.
"I didn't know I needed daddy's permission to go to college." The words come out harsher than intended.
"Can't you just be happy for him?" Camila chimes in.
We all turn to look at her. Her eyes are wide and agitated.
"I am happy for you, Shawn." Dad turns to look at me while Sinuhe narrows her eyes at Camila. She hates when her daughter has a voice of her own.
"It sure as hell doesn't sound like it." I mumble."What the hell do you want me to say? I just told you that I'm happy for you!" He shouts from across the table.
That scared little boy from years ago desperately wants to come out to play, but I shove him in the back of my mind. I'm a grown ass man now not that boy that was abused years ago.
"You've never showed me that you're proud of me! I worked my ass off in high school and graduate with a 4.0, and all I got was a pat on the back!"
He pounds a fist on the able and I don't flinch unlike Camila and Sinuhe.
"Watch your fucking tone in my house, boy."
"Boy?" I almost laugh. "Don't worry, I'll be out of your house soon. Just the way you want it, right?" I stand from the table and leave the kitchen without a second look.A sense of victory washes over me when I think about how I'm going somewhere in life and he'll always be a miserable old man.
