Guess What?

So this whole thing will be in Russian but I am NOT translating the whole god damn thing

Hello Finland.

I assume I am dead before you receive this letter. I was never a great person on telling others about my darkest lies and actions. Yet I would tell them all to you, knowing you would not tell anyone what I said. That is what I think you would do. Am I wrong?

I do hope it is you reading Finland, because I do not think it is safe if others read this. This is very personal after all. If it was not, why would I be writing a letter and not telling it to you face to face?

I

know why you do not talk to me, or even come near me. And I am not blaming you. I am blaming myself. I lost your trust, and I know we can't go back to the way we were before, it is simply impossible. But I am asking for forgiveness. Is is possible for you to forgive me for what I have done to you?

We had a special bond when we were little. Brothery, someone would describe it, but not me. No. I know it was something more special, that was not known, and I do not think that even know there is a word for it. We got each others back when the other one fell. But the I pushed you. And I do not think you ever completely recovered from that fall.

It shattered you. I broke you. But you hid it. And you are still hiding the scars. The physical and mental ones. You never truly stood up, but even when you did, you were not the same person. I pushed you, but someone else rose, and everyone is looking at the soldier who rose, not the child who fell.

Angels have wings, but you hid yours. It did not matter, as I could tell you were an angel, I still think of you like that. An angel that does not know peace. You are in constant war that I started with you, but left you to fight it alone. I was being foolish, but I think everyone has a foolish age.

Now I would like to right it to you, but I am incapable of that. I cannot fix what I have broken, for I am not the fire for you. For anyone.

I hope you are in a better condition everyday. I hope that you are healing from the wounds I caused in you. I hope that you will be the happy and carefree boy I once met. I wish I could see you smile like the way you used to smile at me. But I know I will not see that smile ever again because I have hurt you badly. But I hope that you can bless someone else with it.

As the days pass, I realise that I am dying. I would like to meet you, I want to say sorry, but I know it will fix absolutely nothing. I like to drift back to our past. It was so happy and carefree. We had no idea of the surrounding world, you knew your brothers land, but other lands were forbidden from us.

I am happy now. My family is safe and mostly happy. Of course they have started to notice that something is wrong with me. They are very sharp eyed, like you. I do not think anyone could hide anything from you. You can detect lies from truth like no other.

Oh how I miss the days, do you miss them? Do you miss me? Or do you absolutely hate me and want to see me burn? If so, watch as I am being consumed by the burning flames of hell, where I will be for the rest of eternity. Are you happy?

                 Gone. I will be gone very soon. I am scared how it will affect my children. When I go to 'sleep' I can hear someone crying, and someone calming them down. Sometimes I just get up and go to them myself. I hate to see the sadness in their eyes. They are scared. I am not.

I been waiting for the death to come for me. This illness is painful, almost too painful. I have often at night stayed awake trying to keep quiet as this illness was eating me. I wanted to scream more often than what I can count. I have wanted to rip my own life from me more times than I am willing to tell.

I do not know what this illness is, I do not think anyone knows. Maybe China does, but I have not talked to him in so long. And I think it is best like that, no reason to start building our relationship again when I am so close to death.

I think death is scared of you. Or maybe death is trying to protect you. Or both. But I do know for sure that you are a tough one to kill. I dare to call you an immortal even.

I know this is inappropriate to ask of you, but could you look after my children after I leave them? You do not need to be there for them all the time, but please, can you keep them there? Can you keep them safe? I do not know who else to ask, I suppose you are the only one I trust with this task.

Hell, I do not think my trust for you ever faded. I am sure your trust for me is long gone, but please, I do not want them dead, please Finland.

Please