Hard to Feel Whole ~ Sample

CHAPTER THREE

The morning sessions back at school passed without any surprises. The same stale jokes and stupid pranks in lessons, the same teachers’ mundane deliveries of an even more mundane syllabus; nothing much changed from year to year at Casey High.

I met Jo after Calculus outside the cafeteria as planned. The hum of excited students sharing tales from their holidays made me nervous. I took a deep breath as my stress levels picked up at a rate of knots. Crowds didn’t do it for me at all. I’d spent the holidays alone, retreating back to my safe place. Faced with the need to emerge from my shell, my heart pounded against my ribs. I always struggled to dig myself out of my rut as Jo called it. But she never took no for an answer. Trips to the movies or shopping at the local mall on weekends satisfied her need to show me what I’d been missing. Jo would have me back to my sociable self within the week. Kind of.

I took a sandwich from the selection on offer and grabbed a soda from the cooler. Jo rambled on about her holiday at the lake, family gossip, new puppy; a boy that had moved in next door and goodness knows what else. Being so off the wall crazy, I often wondered how we ever became friends. But she understood me better than anyone else. Jo knew there was more to me than even she understood, but she never asked she just accepted all I wanted was a no strings friend.

“So...” she continued without a breath, “Any boys on the horizon?” The mouthful of soda I’d poured down my throat exploded in every direction as I inhaled instead of swallowing. My eyes began to water, soda came down my nose and I coughed like a woman possessed as the bubbles hit, what I imagined to be the top of my lungs.

“Oh My God Abs! Calm down, what’s your problem, I was kidding!” she said, grabbing her bottle of water and throwing it towards me.

Jo had only asked about boys for goodness sake. It was a normal question in teenage circles. Not too welcome a topic in my view, but nevertheless a perfectly acceptable question.

“Sorry,” I spluttered, “My soda went down the wrong way. Maybe I should switch to water.” My brain stumbled, but Jo nodded in agreement and returned to her account of the lake, much to my relief.

Jo went on dates, but I never showed interest. So for her to blurt out a question about boys was way off. I wondered for a moment why she’d raised the subject now, but was distracted when a group of boisterous jocks drifted into the canteen. I frowned as I caught a glimpse of a new guy among them. He seemed familiar somehow.

They sat close by us, though the new guy had his back to our table. They had their own following and most of the girls Jo hung around were nowhere near in their league. Well, that was the perception of Jo and her friends. I really didn’t give a crap who they banged or what car they parked in the school parking lot. That said; I was now majorly captivated by the stranger with his back to us.

The cafeteria hummed with the noise of crazy students falling over themselves to find a good spot to socialize with friends. It made it difficult to listen in on a conversation happening on the next table. Especially when the girl sat next to you had a voice capable of breaking glass.

“Pretty cool place,” the new guy said as Callum White launched himself at another bunch of guys already at the table. They were stuffing their faces with fries, burgers and anything else for that matter.

“Hey, this is Ja... He’s new to football so give him a go guys,” Callum grinned as he shoveled a burger into his mouth.

Shit! I missed his name. I played around with my lunch, breaking my sandwich into bite sized pieces for a while not really enjoying it.