The Fatal Crush

Those 35 days went by so blankly, I couldn't tell if I was living and feeling or if someone else was doing it for me.

What have all these days been to me?

Empty days flowed into repetition.

Where are you?

Why the fuck did you get lost like that?

Oh, stop my blow... calm down please... it will pass, be patient my heart.

He asked me to feel. Why did he ask me to feel? I was honest with him. I only told him the truth. Why did he tell me words he didn't mean?

He told you what you wanted to hear. And you, you made the mistake of putting them in the heart.

I fucking know it! What experience am I fucking bragging about? Look what's happening now ... again the same choking in the throat, again the same damn tears. The same pain again...

I was fine. Protected from passions; from meaningless heartbeats of love. I wasn't in pain about that.

But you were missing the words he said.

And now that I heard them, what did I understand?

So that's who you are, Cupid? You scatter gold dust and joy in the heart and then you leave. You take dreams with you and leave debris behind.

When a dream lasts so little, then it is not worth living it. It only manages to leave strong thoughts, meanings of emotions, and reality has no room to accommodate them.

I don't want such a dream!

It's incredible how only a few moments can absorb so much time from our lives.

I feel it again... here it is again... I close my eyes at the thought of him. I try to calm down and the blow wakes me up with violence to continue to ache for the loss.

I pray. I pray all the time that God may take the temptation. I was wrong God... don't leave me. It all revolves around the one I love. Hear, Oh God, my prayer that comes straight from the bottom of my heart...

I don't feel the separation from him and that hurts. Even if there is a breakup, I know the future will keep the heart strong to reunite our paths.

But who am I fooling about? But what shall I say to my wound to calm it?

You didn't get along with yourself, so you let him do what he did to you. The problem was you and not him. It's not worth a soul's emptying for a love like this.

We were good, we were having fun...

For the sex. That's where you were too good for him. But nothing more. Take it and move on.

To move on... how easy that sounds. How easily I lost control, my God!

There's a fucking truth! When a man fucks a woman, he doesn't just fuck her body. He fucks her soul, too. Bodies are close, but souls are frighteningly far away.