25 year old Shawn Carter also known as Hov in the drug dealer streets is a famous king pin. He has been notorious for selling crack-cocaine, murdering fellow rivals, and dodging prison time. However things may come to a change when a certain person...
"Over and over again, I try to tell myself that we Could never be more than friends. But all the while, inside, I knew it was real. The way you make me feel."
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I let out an annoyed sigh as I grabbed the ingredients I needed to make breakfast. I wasn't in the mood to cook, but I needed something therapeutic to help calm my nerves.
Honestly I don't even know why I'm upset right now. I don't know if it's because Shawn showed up to my house drunk, trying to have sex after I told him we wasn't going down that route.
Or if I'm mad at myself for shutting down when he confessed his true feelings for me. The Shawn I knew would never have been this vulnerable. Sober or drunk I knew the love he was willing to give me was real. I knew he was ready to make things right between us and be a true family.
But we been through this already. I know this man loves me but he doesn't know how to love me. Which pisses me off because I literally sacrifice everything for Shawn only to get a broken heart in return.
Yes, he gave me my biggest blessing but even still having his child didn't mean we had to be together. And now with knowing his daughter with Brooke isn't biologically his, it makes me wonder. Is he actually leaving her and getting a divorce. Or is he just upset with her and only want to be with me at the moment to help him with his hurt.
The more I was overthinking this situation, the more I was becoming upset. This is why I can't open up to him and accept the love that he wants to give me. Accept the family he wants me, Rumi, and him to be. All his lying and deceitful behavior makes it hard to believe any words that escapes his lips.
Wiping the fallen tears from my face, I tried my best to calm my nerves. I turned my stove on to medium then added a small amount of grease to my pan. It was 8 in the morning. Usually I would be sleeping until Rumi cries wake me up, but my body woke me instead.
I was surprised to see that she was still sleep, but I guess cuddling with her daddy would do that to her. She woke up in the middle of the night, crying at her usual hour for milk. I simply grabbed her from her bassinet that was in my room and placed her in between us. I was so sleepy that I breastfed her with one eye open.
When she was done we fell back to sleep. Not even caring to place her back in her crib. I guess somewhat between the time we was sleeping, Shawn took her from my arms and cuddled with her. Being in her daddy's arm was more soothing and comfortable it seems like.
Grabbing the bacon, I placed it in the hot skillet and allowed it to settle. As it begin to cook I grabbed my phone and went to my playlist on my phone. I needed some calm music to help relax my mind. Ironically the first song that begin to play was Kayrn White, Superwoman. A small chuckle left my lips as the lyrics seemed so fitting at the moment.
