SINCE DAY ONE ― luke hemmings ?

23

"Ash... I—"

"I don't know what happened with you and Luke. One day, he couldn't even bear hearing your name but today, he said your name again."

"H-He did?"

"Mhmm. He did alright! And it all caught us offguard that he said your name without—you know." I know. "So, I'm not gonna ask about that. It you and Luke's, as everything has always been, but I feel like it's well within the bestfriend rights for me to ask if you won't... do that again to him." I bit my lip, looking down filled with shame all of a sudden I didn't know how to explain everything.

If only I had that fucking courage. "I know you love him, Theo. Hell, you loved him since day one! Things almost always fall apart but it doesn't mean that things are suddenly over. But I'm not here to pressure you or tell you what to do. I'm just here because you're my best friend, Theo. We might've lost our ways at some point but I love you, alright?" I stood up immediately and gave him a hug. One tight enough that calmed my heart from pounding so loud all the while at the verge of crying just because of the amount of love they have for me.

That even if I did something so shitty, they're still there for me. "Thank you, Ash. I love you guys so much." He stood up and bear hugged me I suffocated under his button down that I quickly pulled away and patted it flat. "I'm ruining your Gucci shirt."

He laughed, all tongue out his eyes were almost missing. "It's just a shirt. A hug is more important." He hugged me again one final time before pulling away and patting me at my shoulders. "Oh, hey! I remembered the other reason why I came." Ash looked down at the table and pointed to the camera, "Is this alright to use?" I nod, brushing my hair away while wondering what he was about to do when he pushed the shutter and pointed it at me.

"Ashton Irwin!!"

"Welcome back, Theo!" He filmed me whilst I covered half of my face. It was just so ridiculous I'm gonna make sure it's gonna be deleted. "Hey! Put that in the Italy video, alright?" I shook my head, snatching the camera while chuckling.

"No way in hell. Look! My hair's all over the place!"

"As if they've never seen a photo of you half asleep already!" Ashton retorted, smiling for the final time as he started walking away backwards. "I'll see you later, alright?" I merely nod, stifling an urge to cry and donning myself to work because the talk we've had started going circles in my mind again.

I—I wanted to tell the truth. But it's too much for me and too much for all of them. For Luke. To sink in the fact that I was gone and I almost died and he wasn't there. He's gonna feel like shit and I'm gonna regret it for the rest of my whole life. It feels like no matter what I do, I'm going to be in a loop of regret. If I don't tell him, I'm lying to him straight in his face. If I tell him, he'll be so mad at me and I feel like I'm not gonna see him again after that.

I'm overthinking!

I'm supposed to be working!

Just focus on the work, and think about it along the way.

Yeah. That looks more promising. Barely promising. Still.

"Hey." My hands slipped over the trackpad when I heard that voice and I didn't know whether to look up or cry or scream. "Is it alright if I sit here?" No! Yes? No!

"S-Sure." Yeah, go ahead, Theo. Prolong the agony!

"Ash said you're hanging out alone in here." That cheeky bugger!

"Y-Yeah. I'm editing your videos in Italy." I said I didn't wanna look but I'd be lying to myself. So, I went ahead and gazed at him, one corner of his lip slightly upward in a small smile while wearing a plain white shirt. And he had sunglasses over his hair. And—wow. I have no words. "I—uh, listened to your new album."