SINCE DAY ONE ― luke hemmings ?

29

"Well, we do have another year of tour once the album settles in." Ashton said, "Soon as the sales go up, we'll pack our bags again." Too bad, I won't be there to see it.

"And you'll come with us, right?" Luke's fingers stopped its motion on my shoulders and I was reverted back to reality that he was asking me a question I wouldn't know how to answer.

"Oh, err, I—" The orders started arriving and I was rid of the chance of answering something too complicated as that.

Of course, I wanna come with them. I'd say yes in a heartbeat if he asked—and I'll say yes even if he didn't...

But I was still a fraud.

I was still living in a beautiful lie.

*・。*゜・。・o゜・。*゜・。・o*゜・。・o*

Dinner ended soon yet Luke became distant after. He sat beside me but he felt so far away, and I didn't know how to fix it. I knew it was because of his question that remained unanswered. That maybe I acted like I was never asked at all, and it continued to be ignored even after we walk to the hotel. The band seemed to notice when he was walking ahead, and I was slowly keeping my pace behind. They didn't do anything, too. We all just looked at each other, gave tight smiles, and left it there.

Although, Kyle stopped me at the front of the hotel and pulled me back by the bench on the corner. Our bags laying down on the concrete in a cold, cold night. "What is it?" I asked, knowing why he did what he did but I just wanted to be sure.

"What's wrong, Theo?" I sighed, my hands frustratingly going over my head, brushing my hair back as I stare at the clear night skies. The stars looked so beautiful tonight. Luke would've loved it. Luke...

"Everything." I mumbled, my lips quivering slightly. "Everything's still wrong, Kyle. Why did I ever think it was going to be right?" He slouched down, elbows on his kness and shook his head.

"Is it the lie?" I nodded even if he couldn't see. "I don't know how many times you've been asked this—but why couldn't you tell him, Theo? I know it will hurt. It'll make him mad, it'll take you two back to the zero once again. But whatever happens, if he really loves you? He'll understand. He'll know you did it because of how much you love him—"

"My Dad left my mom when I was fifteen." I started, allowing my head to roll back memories I've kept safely hidden at the back of my brain. "He left her for some bimbo and even if he apologized to me so many times, I never really forgave him. But he stayed in contact with me. Only me 'cause Eric hates his ass for marrying another girl same as his age." My hands wiped the single tear that escaped, trying my hardest not to show I was being weak. "When I got diagnosed, Dad was somewhere with the bimbo in Cape Cod. I guess he didn't get the memo that her daughter almost died because nobody could reach him. He never went to me once in the span of two years. And you know happened?"

Kyle looked at me, "That bimbo bitch changed his number because Mom kept calling him in the middle of my chemotherapy. He never got one message. And I knew Mom decided to keep it from him instead because she felt he wouldn't care much anyway. Well, I ran into him a week after I left the hospital, when he asked me where I've been all this time and why I never called once. But you know what really caught my attention?" I sighed, "He didn't look like Mom and Eric. Not even remotely."

"My Dad had tan lines that ran across his shoulders while my Mom was paler than me. They never left by my side at the hospital that I cost Eric his first job because of it. They had dark bags under their eyes, their weights dropped from the span of us huddling together in a room with no appetite for anything. My Mom? She couldn't sleep for more than eight hours up to this day. I overheard her once tell Eric once that she kept waking up in the middle of the night to check if I still had a pulse. And it stuck to her until now. My brother, on the other hand, was closer to me than ever I almost felt like a ten-year-old again. Where he'd follow me wherever I go that he didn't know much about. Where he'd remind me every time to call him if I need anything. Call him if I ever felt the slightest bit of weird. He never lost contact."

"So, when I saw my Dad, happy. Looking bright and healthy, and when he didn't look at me like I was gonna die anytime, I decided I couldn't bring myself to tell him. That I couldn't bear pass the burden of that knowledge. Of those two empty years of my life."

"That when I thought of Luke at the exact same time, and how he'd never have to be miserable because of me—I just couldn't bring myself to tell him. I knew I'd regret it. That a secret will never stay as a secret forever. But seeing him happy—seeing him go on without me gave me enough of a reason why I was so reluctant of ever telling him."

Kyle leaned back, his eyes trailed up at the sky that I followed, craning my head over his shoulders while tears poured down one after the other. "Theo... I couldn't imagine the hell you've been through. Nobody could. But if you really love Luke—like really, really love him? You have to trust him enough with the truth. You're scared he'll hate you for it but I don't think he ever could."

"What do you mean?"

"You ran away without a good reason for two years. And he still found a reason to forgive you without ever really knowing why. That guy loves you way too much up to this day to hate you. Isn't that enough of a reason to finally tell him?"

*・。*゜・。・o゜・。*゜・。・o*゜・。・o*

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