SINCE DAY ONE ― luke hemmings ?

33

"You don't look so good today, Theo." Kyle quipped while we're in front of the stage, doing our jobs. I was adjusting a camera sluggishly on the grassy pavement, sighing every minute as I relieve my chest of the tension I could feel every once in a while. "But you shared a room with Luke—so it doesn't really add up." Kyle was an inquisitive soul that I had no other choice than to tell him while there's still no crowd behind us. His reaction changed every mile of information that once I finished, he looked at me like I was already near breaking. Which I maybe looked like, the reason why he pulled me instantly in a bone-crushing hug. "Oh, Theo." He murmured, patting on my back gently. "It's gonna be alright." That only made me heave more as he pulled away and we went back to what we're doing while he occassionally pay me a glance.

I need a lot of hugs after this. And a lot more cry. "Could I maybe share a room with you? I'd like to give Luke some space after tonight." I mumbled as the fans were let in and we filmed their whole excitement over it.

"Of course, Theo. I got you, alright?" He held on my shoulder and squeezed it encouragingly, making me so grateful I have a friend like him right now. I knew the band would be by Luke's side and I knew he needed them the minute I break the truth to him. I trust Calum enough to honor his promise to me.

The intro played over the loud speakers just as the crowd immediately filled the whole empty park. The morning skies enough to shower me with much needed warmth as my hands became clammy the more I anticipated the night to come. "Here they go." I raised my camera on the cue, stopping it from shaking fully when the boys emerged one by one from the backstage, with one specific vocalist roaming his eyes around the crowd and found mine immediately. He smiled, lighting up my whole damn world as he leaned on the microphone and winked at me. I thought my heart dropped at the sight but I let it be.

My attention stayed glued to him, more cheerful with his eyes gleaming than it was before. Luke was happy, everyone could see that. Luke was himself again and I memorized every part of him, happy, just so I could have something to keep with me in case... Just in case.

I memorized his blue eyes, even after a thousand times of looking at it. How it shined so ethereal from the brightness of the sun. How his smile always takes my breath away, how his laugh was the highlight of all my days. I'd tell all the funny and corny jokes just to hear that sweet melody again.

I'd give everything and anything if it meant he'll be this happy again after this.

"Just hold on, Theo." Kyle muttered beside me, "Who knows, right? Things always finds its way back if it's meant to."

"Let's hope so."

*・。*゜・。・o゜・。*゜・。・o*゜・。・o*

The day went on faster than most days it was almost too unfair. We found ourselves cramped inside a van, on our way back to the hotel because Ashton immediately planned a night out once again, allowing us an hour to change outfits and refresh a bit. That man never runs out of a reason to drink and even if Calum helped me from changing the plans, the rest of the boys were already on board with it. "It's gotta be fun, bub. Come on." Luke gleamed at me and I hate breaking his excitement so much that I sighed and nodded, hoping maybe we're not gonna be so drunk after that I could still tell him. 

Calum looked at me and pursed his lips, a silent agreement that my plans are not working out so far. It's like every fucking force in the universe wanted to prolong my agony.

We reached back to the hotel room while I bear a heavy heart, finding it hard to navigate my way back if it weren't for Luke filling the gaps of our fingers perfectly he guided me the way. I held on to it, like it was my last. And I found myself doing that so much today. Maybe I'm a pessimist, or I'm just too anxious for my own good. But I held on just for luck. Just so I could have something to remind myself if the world fucks me over once again.

I opened my bag and found the keys that Luke immediately unlocked the doors, smelling the fresh scent of lavender while I fumbled to find the switch and open the lights. But before I could even hold on my heavy chest, hands made its way on my shoulder while soft lips crashed on my own making me dizzy all of a sudden. Like another fever dream so vivid that I held onto him and kissed me with much feverish need I was scared of pulling away.

Maybe it was foolish, but consider me selfish for letting him lock me in between his arms, my back on the wall while grasping tight on his nape. Consider me selfish for allowing myself, even just for tonight, to feel all the love from him as much as I could before I wake up from this beautiful nightmare.

He held on to my waist, guiding me towards the bed that my hands fumbled to let go of my purse and put it somewhere I couldn't see when we heard something fall from it. Luke pulled away, much to my dismay, when he chuckled and looked down on all my things sprawled on the floor together with the small figurine that luckily didn't break from the carpeted floor. He slouched down while I composed myself, breathing in and out telling myself to calm my shit down—and notice just then that Luke was still on the floor.

"I'm sure it's fine, Luke. We can think about it later—" I dropped down, wondering if the figurine really broke when my hands stopped midway from his shoulder when I saw him holding tight on my wallet. Knuckles red, shaking. All while his eyes were trained, there.

In one transparent pocket where you put the special pictures, written in a bright yellow font all while my heart crash and shatter into pieces,

CANCER SURVIVOR BADGE

*・。*゜・。・o゜・。*゜・。・o*゜・。・o*

sad hourz