Haunt Me (Sequel To Disordered Eating - Skephalo)

Zak's POV

I woke up and the first thing I thought about was Darryl and my cigarettes.

This is how every morning went.

I grab my lighter and a pack, and start to head down the stairs of the home.

Can I see this as home?

Over two months ago I moved in with my friend Dave, or Techno, and his friends Tommy and Wilbur. Clay also was somehow out here too. I guess he came here sometime after breaking up with Vincent after their small fling. Clay and Dave were constantly bickering everyday. It was somewhat amusing but annoying.

Dave and I weren't that close before, and I wasn't close to the others, but living with people so unfamiliar was in some ways what I thought I needed.

The only reason I moved here is because Darryl died. He was shot by Geo and I watched the blood pour out of him and watched his final breaths. I lived in an apartment with him and our babies, Rocco and Rat, and staying there without him was too much. The memories of Darryl haunted me and I wanted to escape every reminder.

I thought back on the question.

This wasn't really home. I felt like a guest here. I was sleeping on a pull out couch in the living room. My PC was set up in the laundry room, facing away from the machines. My clothes were hung up in the hall closet, which I'm sure wasn't meant for people's clothes.

I don't feel like I have my own room.

Still, that's understandable. The house has a lot of people living in it and I just showed up recently when Dave offered for me to permanently move in. The place had 4 bedrooms, which was perfect for the people living here. I was the 5th person who just kinda showed up.

Still, everyone here treated me well and comforted me. I am getting to know them slowly. I guess this felt like a family of bros. Could I call that home?

My real home is with Darryl. Calling anything else home felt wrong.

At the bottom of the steps, I headed straight out the front door to smoke on the porch swing. I started smoking after Darryl died, and hadn't planned on stopping anytime soon. Dave tried to hide my cigarettes from me, but I knew where he hid them. 

I looked next to me and saw Darryl there next to me, his feet swinging and him looking at the cigarette at my lips. He noticed me staring and shook his head. He then vanished in front of me.

This was a common occurrence.

With that, I butted my cigarette and headed indoors.

Dave and Clay were bickering already from the kitchen. The others were still asleep. I walked in there as they were bickering about God knows what. I went to grab the loaf of bread and plopped two pieces into the toaster. I had jelly toast everyday.

Not muffins.

Anything but muffins.

I put on a pot of coffee as well while the bread was toasting. Dave and Clay eventually noticed me and they stopped bickering.

Dave walked a bit closer and started to talk to me.

"Morning coffee eh?" Dave asked.

"Yup. And my jelly toast," I said, shifting my legs awkwardly.

"I hope it's good," Dave said.

The bread pops out of the toaster and I put the bread on my plate. I go over to the fridge and pull out the jelly and a butter knife.

"Well, Zak I think it would help you to make videos again," He said.

"Videos? Without Darryl?" I sigh and shake my head.

"I know. It won't be the same. But you liked making videos right? And you have a whole audience supporting you," He said.

"I don't know. It might make me feel worse," I said.

"How about trying to do a livestream? You can sit down and chat with your audience and it might help you feel the support from your community," He said.

"I guess I should try it."

I finished the jelly on my toast and turned towards the table.

"I guess they miss me," I added.

I looked up and saw Darryl sitting at the table. I swallowed hard. He didn't even look at me. I could hear his voice from our times of when he helped me start to eat.

"You're right about that definitely. People tweet at me about you," Dave said.

Darryl noticed Dave and vanished from the table.

He wasn't here to help me eat anymore.

I got a ding from Vincent on my phone. He texted me all the time, trying to be a helpful friend. Since moving to LA, I unintentionally blew him off. Vincent by association was a painful reminder to times with Darryl.

I felt bad about it.

I quickly ate my toast and drank my coffee, and I felt a need for another cigarette.

So early..