Should I or should I not?
Alex is going to get mad...
He'll get over it.
You've gone two weeks and a half weeks, though!
Relapsing is part of recovery...
Try to control it.
Carson didn't listen to the last to the last thought as he grabbed the package of small, single bladed pencil sharpeners. There were 10, so he had plenty of fresh, new blade for a while.
He checked them and a four pack of Monsters out, already knowing how his Saturday was going to be.
Call Alex, throw away the sharpeners. Stop!
Alex is working.
Call him!
No. He's working and doesn't want to be bothered.
Call Riley!
Fuck people.
Carson couldn't wait until he got home, he started opening the packet. He grabbed one of the small objects, untwisting the poorly secured screw.
Just a few cuts. Just a few.
You know damn well you're going to do over 60 like usual...
JUST A FEW!
Carson slid the sharp blade down his arm, as if it was a card. He gasped at how easily it glided through his skin. He stared at the blood in amazement, enjoying the familiar, deadly sensation.
Just a few. Alex won't notice.
Isn't he coming over after work?
They aren't noticable...
Carson lost all control. He slammed the small blade against his wrist, blood oozing from the fresh cuts. He was lost for a solid minute, and within that minute, he formed a new cut every second.
Carson felt as if he was hypnotized and suddenly came back from his dark thoughts. He blinked, staring at his arms.
"SHIT!" Carson panted out, coming back down from his dark slip. "Fuck! Alex is going to fucking kill me! Shit, fuck, no!"
Angry tears started to roll down his cheeks. He was angry at himself that he let himself slip away for a minute. He was angry he broke his cutting streak. He was angry that he let Alex down.
He felt weak, defeated, and incredibly disappointed in himself. Carson felt sick to his stomach, which was in a knot.
The blonde was unsure what to do. Blood was covering his wrist, he was in a Target parking lot, a blade in his hand. He needed to talk to someone, do something.
Alex is busy.
Riley?
I don't want him finding out...
Would you rather call Dad?
Riley it is...
Carson tried to calm down while looking through his contacts, finding Riley's name. He hoped and prayed he wasn't with Trey or working.
The line rung a few times before a voice filled the other line. "Hi, uh-"
"Riley! I need to talk and you can't freak out. I cut myself sometimes, okay, a lot and Alex found out last month and he's been trying to get me to stop and I haven't in over two weeks but I just did and it's bad and I'm scared Alex is going to get mad and he's coming over after work and I don't know what to do and I'm freaking out and in a fucking Target parking lot with a pencil sharpener blade!"
