Good Company

~July 7th 1975~ 

It's been a while since Brian left, and every day I regret my 'responsible' decision of not going more. Oh, how could I not go? I must have realised the distance would affect me... but not this drastically. Not in this way. But he mustn't know, it'll destroy him. He won't know if I don't tell him, that's the funny thing about letters. You can scribble down all the bullshit you want and still appear nice to the person reading your words. 

'Roger?' A muffled voice from behind the closed door startled Roger. He quickly jumped up from the armchair, and realised that was definitely not a good idea. While attempting to get rid of the tiny black dots he saw, he sniffled, and let Freddie in.

'What is it, kiddo? Aren't you supposed to be in bed?' He spoke quietly, keeping in mind that John was already sleeping. He then noticed Freddie's watery eyes, and put his hand on the boy's shoulder. 'Freddie, what's the matter? Are you alright? Are you hurt?' 

'No, I'm fine. I just miss dad.' 

'Oh honey.' Roger pulled him into a hug. 'But guess what? We're going to Spain in a few days! Aren't you excited?' 

'Eh, I guess.' Freddie wiggled himself out of Roger's arms and fixed his eyes on the carpet.

'I don't hear excitement, young man, what is the matter? Don't you want to see your dad and eat tapas in adorable little restaurants?' Roger playfully pushed Freddie's shoulder. 

'I don't want to go to Spain. I want dad to come home.' Freddie wiped his nose with his sleeve and pouted.

'Me too, kid. Me too.' Roger sighed. 'Let's get you back to bed, huh? Tomorrow's the last day of school, after that we'll have the best summer ever. We deserve that after everything that happened this year. Come on, now.' 

---

God, that was horrible. Was I dreaming? He called me princess. Princess. My princess. I am no princess. And certainly not his. Brian calls me 'my princess'. I shudder at the word now. The word he ruined forever. My favourite of Brian's pet names for me. I can't let him know, he loves it so much. I am his princess, but someone else's too. Will I ever forget what happened?  

Should I even want to? Perhaps I am all those things he called me. He loved me too, his princess, his honey. All I ever wanted was someone to take care of me. He took care of me, didn't I want that? Hadn't I led him on? Hadn't I pursued him too, or is that a spinsel of my mind?  

Where would he be now? I wonder if he ever thinks of me, if he remembers me... Should I call him? Brian is gone after all, and wasn't he kind? 

How I crave a hug. A friendly one would do, no need for romance. Well, maybe I do. If only there were someone... Anyone, really. 

Damn where's that phone book when you need it? 

Is he even in there? Maybe they locked him up, pressed charges... But who would have, if it wasn't us? He's probably been arrested though, I'm sure Brian called the cops. 

I could at least try, find out... 

Beep. Beep. Beep. God, please stop beeping, my head hurts already!

'Prenter speaking.'  

Fuck. 

'Who is this?' 

What the hell do I do now? 

'Uhm... hi.' 

'Wait a minute. Roger?'

Fuck. Oh no. What have I gotten myself into?

'You've got the wrong number, sorry.' He quickly hung up the phone. 

Holy fuck that was stupid, even for you. Don't ever do that again. Don't call anyone. Like, ever. 

Now what? 

Brian. I have to call Brian. I can't do this alone. It's late in Spain though. He's probably asleep. I should be too. I'll call in the morning, I guess. 

Or maybe Paul could help still? Phone contact isn't the same as face to face... He was nice. He took care of me when nobody else was around. 

No, please, sleep. Stop it! 

Why can't my brain ever work for me instead of against me? 

You know it's Brian you have to call, don't be stupid.

Brian's not here to help, now, is he? Paul is a phone call away. 

Hell, don't you remember? 

I remember he was there for me. He can be now.

What he did to Freddie and John, you have to remember that!

Paul was nice. Paul was my friend.

Don't be ridiculous. Paul wanted to hurt you. He's a sadistic piece of shit. 

Paul was nice. Paul will help. 

What about the kids then? What will they eat if you leave? What will Brian think? 

Brian is in Spain. He won't come back just because I'm having a petty little break down. Brian doesn't care. Paul cares. 

Fine, don't listen. Screw yourself over, go back to him. He doesn't love you.

Yes he does. Paul loves me. He told me. 

Fuck you then. 

Alright, sooo......... please tell me if I made any mistakes in the plot because I'm not completely read up on the events and if anything clashes with something I said previously I want to fix that :) 

Anyways, I hope you guys like it! I need a hobby during this quarantine and my goal is to finish this story before it ends, which is quite a challenge but I think I can make it work :) 

Byeeeeeee <3