?Still Not Giving Up?

it had been a month since you started working at Little Homeworld, and things were going very well.

"will i see you next week?"

"yes, thank you." Volleyball smiled.

you patted her shoulder. "you're welcome. go have some fun this week, try some of the things we talked about." you winked, then shut the door.

finally, some peace and quiet, you sat down in your office chair, rolling the kinks out of your neck. your phone buzzed on the table in front of you, and you audibly groaned.

i just can't catch a break, can i?

"hello?" you answered quickly, sitting down at your desk and organizing the papers.

"hey Y/N!" it was Steven. of course it was. you could practically hear him smiling through the screen. "you up for a visit?"

"i'm super swamped actually..." you trailed off, and heard Steven sigh. "i'm joking! come over here!" you giggled. literally seconds later your office door swung open and Steven skipped in.

"how are you?" he planted a kiss on your cheek, and moved to sit in one of your gem-sized chairs.

"good." you replied simply. "actually, while you're here do you think we could-"

"nope!" Steven jumped up, realizing his seated position made him look like a patient.

you had been trying to get him to come to a session forever. well, more specifically, you wanted to talk to him about what happened at your parents house. though he denied it, you knew he was uncomfortable with the topic of suicide.

"Steven! come on!" you leaned back in your chair and looked up at him with pleading eyes. "i just want to talk about what happened at my parents! it's important to communicate about these kinds of things."

Steven plugged his ears and started humming like a child, making you angry. "i don't want to talk about it. because there's nothing to talk about. i'm fine, your fine, everything's fine."

you pulled on his arms. "Steven! please! we have talk about this stuff."

you sighed and released him from your grip. "i liked you better before you became all clinical and psychologist-y." he scrunched his nose up.

"you wanted me to do this!" you stood up and gestured around your office. "if you didn't want me to do this, you should have said something!"

"i didn't mean it like that! i just meant, i don't like you trying to pick apart my feelings and make me open up to you." Steven looked down at his hands.

"it's my job! i'm not trying to make you uncomfortable, but you aren't communicating your feelings and it's unhealthy."

"i'm- i'm gonna go." Steven took a few steps back, not quite wanting to break eye contact yet. he reached back for the doorknob, and pulled the door shut behind him as he left. he saw tears pool in your eyes just as the door shut, and he regretted everything.

what just happened?

what did I do?

you sank into your chair, letting tears fall freely down your cheeks. what that a fight? You and Steven had never gotten into a fight before.

i was too pushy.

i was too closed off.

-.-.-.-.-.-
you returned to work a little while later, cleaning your tears and calming yourself down.

Steven didn't tell anyone about what happened, he went for a walk around Beach City, eventually warping out to Peridot and Lapis' barn and walking through the forest there.

when it reached 4:00, the time Little Homeworld closed its doors, Steven texted you.

Steven :hey, do you still want a ride?

you furrowed your brows at his text.

did i want a ride? the situation earlier was a little tense, and i want to make it worse by saying something stupid. but not riding with him could also make it worse.

you took a deep breath before replying.

You: its fine, i'll take Lion

Steven sighed, he understood why.

you changed into a t-shirt and sat down on his bed since you arrived home first. you wanted anxiously for Steven, staring at your scarred wrists with a frown.

finally, the front door swung open, and Steven walked inside. his steps were slow and quiet, and he slipped him sandals off before scanning the room. he sighed when his eyes landed on you. "okay." he nodded. "let's talk."

you took a deep breath and stood up. "for the past few years, i've struggled with depression and thoughts of..." you gulped down the lump in your throat. "ending my life."

"stop!" Steven yelled. "i don't want to hear about it!" he had turned pink, his hands at the side of his face in anguish. "it just reminds me of how much i'm failing!"

"failing? at what?" you took a step towards him, but he leaned back.

"i don't know... maybe if i met you sooner, i could have..." he shook his head, changing the subject quickly. "i feel like you aren't very invested in our relationship anymore."

you let out a guffaw. "are you serious? Steven, you're either making a joke, or your mommy issues have finally infected your brain!"

Steven rolled his eyes. "my mommy issues? both of your parents are complete trainwrecks! they didn't even notice you moved out!"

"your mom lied to all her friends and family and basically doomed Earth!"

"you cut today." he pointed at your wrists with a sick glare. "you always cut after something bad happens. do you realize how unhealthy that is?"

"of course i do! i can't just quit on command, Steven, it's a process!"

"well, i'd to help if you would, you know, tell me how you were feeling once and a while instead of trying to force my feelings out of me!"

"you're always helping! you help just by being here."

"it feel like it!"

"i care about you Steven. you being around me constantly lightens my mood, you're a great friend, and an amazing boyfriend!"

"whatever." he muttered. he was standing with his arms crossed, completely defensive. "i usually feel like a background character."

"what does that even mean?"

"i don't know! i'm angry! you need to stop!" his skin was glowing brightly, almost emitting a light of its own.

"stop what? you need to be more specific, Steven, please." you tried to speak calmly, knowing how upset he was..

"STOP TRYING TO BE MY THERAPIST!" he screamed. a shockwave flew from his body, causing you to fly back and slam into the far wall.

you were already standing up before he could take a step in your direction. his eyes were wide in fear; fear of himself and his actions.

"this is just how i am." you were eerily calm now. blood dripped steadily from your upper arm. "you need to get your emotions in check."

"they are in check!" he was back to being defensive, though he scanned your form for any other glaring injuries.

Steven sighed. "Y/N, i'm not sure if this is working out..." the words came out of his mouth before he could stop them. he didn't want to say that.

"what?" a stray tear fell from your eye. you shook your head, as if trying to clear your thoughts. "fine, i'm leaving. we are over." you muttered.

you pushed past Steven, walking down the stairs quickly and slamming the front door behind you.

what did I do?

"what did I do?"

(edited!)