OUR HYUNG

A/N -- Personally I feel that Jk is the literal apple of Jin's eyes, when it comes to the maknae there is literally nothing my bias doesn't jump in to do.

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Jin POV

"Okay, let's wrap up for today", our choreographer clapped his hands and said, waving us off.

Thank god, I swear if I had to move for even a minute more my legs would have given out.

"But Jin, you and RM please practice some more, maybe ask Hobi to teach you the moves", he added as an afterthought.

I sighed and went to pick up my bag and overheard Hobi angrily muttering to himself, "Why do I have to teach them, isn't he older than me? Why can't he just do better?"

I squeezed my eyes and slowly moved on beacuse I knew what he said was partially true, I did lack in the dance department but he didn't have to be so blunt about it.

In front of me I saw Jimin helping out a tired Tae and decided to lend a hand and maybe even cheer them up. I jogged up to them and put my hands around both their shoulders and gave them a bright smile.

'Hyung please,not now, can't you see that we are extremely tired. I mean you may not be since you hardly do the moves right but atleast be considerate of us", Jimin said Tae just nodded along and both of them pushed my hands off and walked away.

I felt my heart clench and recoil in pain and shock. Just then a hand landed on my shoulder and I smiled and turned around to tell Joon that I'm okay but before I could get a word out I saw him frown at me," Hyung please don't be so childish, you are the oldest so take some responsibility and act your age".

The throbbing in my heart increased and since I couldn't find words I nimbly nodded at him and watched as he too walked away. Did he really think that way about me,did he not know know that I acted this way for them. I just wanted them to be happy and comfortable and I really thought I had been doing enough to take care of them.

I knew the members loved me and they were just stressed but I was stressed too and extremely exhausted lately. I had been getting lesser and lesser sleep due to extra practice hours and I got up early to fix something for the members to eat, they had to have atleast something before starting their day.

I glanced at my slightly shaking hands and sighed when I saw them looking a little scrawnier than usual. I had recently lost my appetite, interest in games, nothing seemed to really bring it out for me anymore other than my members or my precious army.

"Jin!",I heard the manager call out to me, it's then I realised that I had abruptly stopped in the middle of the road. I quickly walked over to the suv in which the members were already huddled in.

"Hyung, do you always have to be slow at everything? I mean we know you're old but seriously I need to sleep. Not all of us can luxuriously stay at the dorm without doing anything." Yoongi said in a bitter tone.

My grip on the seatbelt tightened as I quickly looked at him and apologized, accepting my mistake and his harsh words. The others just nodded and glared at me too.

I immidiately looked away and stared out of the window at the passing scenery, looking but not really seeing. I was hit by a wave of fatigue and decided to have at least a cup of ramyeon before I slept. If I got sick or slipped it would only hinder them more and make them angrier.

When we reached the dorm, I needed a few seconds to get my bearings right and steady myself. I landed up being the last member to enter the dorm and took in the mess before me. Clothes and bags were strewn everywhere and the dorm looked like it was being lived in by a bunch of pigs. I slowly set my bag aside and started picking up after them. I had no real obligation to do this and could have ordered them to do it themselves, especially since it was due to these activities that I gained the title 'Eomma' which I disliked. But I was the oldest and they must have been exhausted and I'm sure they were more tired than me.

Looking at the now clean living room, I picked up their bags to drop it off at their respective rooms. Just as I was on my way back, I heard a loud yell and the sound of something breaking. I rushed in to see a broken glass vase in front of Jungkook and I hurried over to make sure he wasn't hurt.

But when I touched his hand, he retracted it sharply and glared at me. "Hyung did you really have to keep your bag here? What if the vase had fallen on me? If I couldn't participate in a concert, what would Army think? I mean if it was you, I don't think anyone would really notice and I can easily cover your lines but I'm the main vocalist and you definitely don't have the skill to do mine." he said fiercely and walked away.

This was it, the trigger that broke my heart. I could accept anyone being mean to me and could use it to improve myself but Jungkook was my baby, The one I literally raised and the reason I stuck around all those years ago and endured through the hate because he had needed me. I had left behind my dream of acting and went through thousands of lessons and reharsals just because my heart felt a strong need to protect that 15 year old boy with big googly eyes.

I just bent down and started picking up the glass pieces one by one not minding the sting they left in my hands. Wasn't there a single member to look at and comfort me? Was I not worthy of it? A sardonic smile took over my face, I mean it was to be expected,even back then when I had a fight with Tae, not a single member had come to comfort me. I mean I know he is more sensitive but I had bent my pride and apologized to him first and gotten over the fact that he had embarrassed me in front of the camera and staff by directly hitting the topic I was most self conscious about.

If my members didn't like me themselves, how could my fans like me? I discarded the broken pieces, picked up my bag and walked into my room and saw that Yoongi was fast asleep. My appetite was now gone and so was my desire to do anything else. Without changing out of my clothes, I climbed into my bed and curled up and felt a lone tear flow down my cheek.

I wish I didn't feel so pathetic and worn out, like a burden to my members who clearly despised me. I wished that I didn't have to go through this emotional and physical fatigue. I just wish I had taken a different path in life.

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