Lost Memories // Drarry

A/N: This video is amazing, you should check it out.

Draco has been avoiding Harry all day. He can't stop thinking about the kiss. He has kissed quite a few people but never had it felt like that.

He didn't meet him at the astronomy tower. He couldn't bear to look Harry in the eyes. Draco is a coward, what can he say?

So instead, he skipped class and went straight to the Room of Requirement. He has been fiddling with the Vanishing Cabinet all day.

He wipes the sweat off his brow and huffs as he flops down onto the ground. He did it. It works. Or at least he thinks it works. He looks back up at the ominous cabinet looming above him. He puts his head in his hands. Draco is conflicted.

Then he rests his hands on the ground next to him and sighs. Lately, he had been sitting on the ground more. He used to be revolted by the ground and all things dirty but lately he cares less and less.

He is starting to seriously question everything he thought he knew. He is concluding that yes, in fact, he is gay. His father would kill him if he knew.

Draco is disgusted with himself as he keeps replaying the kiss again and again. He wants to do it more. He wants to kiss Harry and hold him and have Harry tell him that everything is going to be alright. But Draco can't do that, it is wrong and... and... Draco's hand clenches so hard that he fears he may break it.

Harry is the golden boy, the chosen one, it would never work. Draco is supposed to kill Harry's mentor. Draco is working for Voldemort, the man who wants to kill Harry.

It would never work.

Click.

It's impossible.

Click.

Harry is much too good for him anyway.

Click.

What is that incessant clicking noise? It is wearing on his last nerve... Draco's head snaps up to see the cabinet's handles are moving. Draco scrambles up and gasps as the mechanisms twist and turn.

They would never make it anyway. It would never work. And Draco accepts that as he walks to the Vanishing Cabinet, knowing that there is no going back.

He doesn't have a choice.

He wants to be better; he wants to be good enough for Harry. Draco doesn't want to be a monster; he is just a boy who had no choice.

His hand shakes as he reaches out.

He doesn't have a choice...

He has to do this.

His cold, thin fingers grip the handle, and he turns.

Black smoke billows out as he pries the doors open. He stumbles backward and lets go of the handle as if it burned him. Tears prick his eyes. He has no choice.

That's what he tells himself as he lets the death eaters into the castle.

Forgive him, Harry, he had no choice.

***

"Good evening Draco. What brings you here this fine evening?" Dumbledore says as Draco walks into the Astronomy tower. He feels sick. So many wonderful memories from up here and now they will all be washed away by this one moment.

"Who else is here?" His wand is out and raised as he approaches the man. "I heard you talking."

"Oh, I often talk aloud to myself. I find it wonderfully helpful." Draco's hand shakes and he feels ready to vomit. "Do you whisper to yourself Draco?"