"You see love, you say that now but you didn't say that to me." Clay shakes his head. "I felt what I made you feel. I told you I didn't love you anymore and you pretty much did that to me in a public space. My heart shattered. But then Nick told me I was going to your house. Where you lived and the millions of pieces of my heart sucked back together with super glue. Because you were giving me a chance I didn't deserve."
"We make mistakes. We all make mistakes Clay." I rest my hand against his cheek, running my thumb against the stubbled surface. "Listen, we don't need to relive the pain. But I think there is something we should do... right now." I happily bounce my eyes to his face before reaching for my phone.
"Babe, what are you going to do?" Clay askes concerned as I pull up twitch on my phone. His eyes wander to my phone. His ever growing curiosity getting the best of him. He needs to know everything everyone is doing. "Babe seriously answer me." He demands getting a bit annoyed.
I type in his twitch log in information and click the camera at the top and go live. I know it wont take but two seconds for people to start joining. So I set my phone up on my dresser and make sure Clay's out of sight. It's still weird for me to wrap my head around the idea that people have seen his face. My baby's face is known to the world now. He is no longer my secret.
"Hi guys!" I exclaim as I wave at the camera.
"Babe, I'm serious... What are you doing?" Clay walks over and stands in front of the camera. There is no other way I'd want his first faced stream to be with than me. I couldn't let George take this. I couldn't let Nick take this from me. It had to be this. Us.
"Letting everyone know you're back, and I'm back. And their lives are about to get a lot more exciting." I look at Clay with a smile so wide that my jaw begins to hurt. "The Dream Team is about to take the world by storm."
"Am I ready?" Clay says softly and I know my phone picks up his words. He reaches for my hands and holds them tightly. I squeeze his fingers giving him the encouragement he needs.
"If you aren't, I end this now and at least your fans know your alive and well." I glance up at him. I see fear for the first time when it comes to his job. He's always been so confident and now it's like his world is crumbled.
"No. No." He shakes his head and kisses me. Kisses me live in front of hundreds of thousands of people. I don't know what to feel but fear. They have to know I'm the reason he went rogue. And now I'm back and he's okay. They'll hate me for both. This won't be good for me. It's never good for me. "We do this." He lets out a solemn sigh and looks towards the camera. "Hi guys!"
That's my boy.
Thankfully we can't see chat. If we could I'm sure there would be ounces of hate spamming through the chat. I don't think either of us would be able to handle it.
"So here's your idiot cc's face. You guys finally see him and his ugliness." I push my hand against Clay's face causing it to squish and scrunch all up. It's cute and I can't help but giggle at his allowance.
"You've put up with my mug for years. I can't be that ugly." Clay furrows his brows at me for a second before pulling out his phone to load up the chat. I fear what's coming but we need to interact. Answer questions. Follow through with what's been hanging heavy for so long.
"It's been forced. I only do it because your mom's cooking is tier one. Definitely not because you're cute. And definitely not because your hugs are the best." I joke as he shoves me slightly. Only to pull me back before I fall out of frame.
"Everyone's asking where George and Sapnap are." Clay looks at me before looking back at his phone. I wait to see if he's going to answer but he's silent just reading more chatter's words.
"They're at Clay's. We're at my house right now. Well... I guess it's not really my house anymore." I let out a slight chuckle. "Babe," I say quietly, "should we just tell them what's been going on?"
Clay is lost in his phone and doesn't even register I've spoken to him. I nudge him and ask him again. This time he motions for me to continue. I'm the one controlling his stream when it should be the other way around. This is the first time his fans are seeing his face on stream and he's clamming up.
I sigh before I start my monologue. "So Clay, I mean Dream and I broke up a few months back. When we both disappeared from the internet. He broke up with me and I ran. I moved to where we are right now and we didn't talk. Until a few days ago. I lost my best friends when he broke up with me. Talking with Sap and George hurt too much. Knowing they still got him and I didn't."
I didn't want to talk about this and rehash it for the hundredth time. But I hoped this would be the last time. After this we would never have to talk about this again. This chapter could be closed after today.
Clay gets up and walks out of the room as I speak. I want to run after him but I can't. So I continue. "So I lost them, I lost him, I lost my place to live, I lost my home. Long story short. Clay thought he was doing what was best for us. But it wasn't what was best. He struggled with his decision. He hated himself for what he did and couldn't bring himself to be happy on camera. He couldn't bring himself to put the mask on to be happy." I scrunch up my nose as I glance towards my door.
"But one of his fans found me, posted a photo of me and my now ex kissing and Clay found me. And trust me, if you know anything about Clay he's persistent as fuck. So he came to my work with George and Nick and... here we are, trying to fix what's been broken." I smile as I think about fixing things with the boy I love.
"Can you guys give me a minute though? I'm going to go see where he ran off too. Enjoy my moving boxes for now." I point to my wall that's piled high with boxes before running out of the room.
"Clayyy." I sing song as I walk out of my room. I hear him in the kitchen listening to my voice fade. He knows I'm coming before I even walk in. His eyes shoot up as my body comes into sight of the kitchen.
"I hate that I hurt you." Clay groans as he runs his hands down his face.
"I'm okay. Your fans are waiting. Let's go. We have a stream to entertain. They haven't seen you in months babe. They miss you. And now they get to see your handsome face." I place a loving kiss to his cheek before running back to my room.
He follows closely behind. I wait out of shot for him to enter first. "Sorry guys, I'm back now." Clay reaches for me and I follow his needs. I fall into his arms. I know he's still not comfortable having his face out there. If he needs my comfort I will give it to him.
"I'm sorry I left you guys. I just didn't want to feel disingenuous I guess. You guys know how much Nameless means to me. I thought life would be easier and happier for the both of us if we had a bit of space. But I was wrong. I'm back now. I'm here." Clay tightens his arms around me as he speaks.
"This one will force me out of my funk." Clay kisses my cheek. I lean into it missing the simple touches we have always shared.
"I think George will do that." I wink and laugh to myself.
"Guys, how many times do you think Dream and George have cuddled since George has got here?" I question both for chats sake and for mine.
"Oh every day all day." Clay jokes with a smile. A smile that has barely existed for so long it's almost like it hurts him. It hurts to smile. His body isn't used to it. Poor baby.
"I've been replaced." I shake my head. "I guess I'll have to go back to cuddle Patches at night." I fake pout and let out fake sobs. I need to guilt trip him. I know with George here I'll lose more time with Clay. I just hope our talk proves me wrong. I need the love and affection. I deserve it.
"She wishes." Clay rolls his eyes. I can see it in the reflection on my phone. "Anyways, anyone have any questions? We can do a little q and a like on the discord podcasts."
Clay looks at his phone to see the chat scrolling a million miles a minute while I rest my head back against his chest. I can't bring it to myself to look. I don't want to see hate that will probably flood the messages. Just like the first time I was heard on stream.
"Babe?" He says softly. "They want to know if you'll forgive me for hurting you."
"He was forgiven the second he did it." I look back at Clay for a quick second. "Even though I tried to move on, he was always looming. You guys probably know that feeling. Plus I don't think I'd let this idiot kiss me if I didn't forgive him."
"They want to know if we're dating again?" I think Clay's more asking for himself. He knows the answer. At least he should.
"You can answer them too Clay." I let out a little laugh. "But uh, right now we're just friends. I'm moving back and we will see what happens. As far as I'm concerned I'm his and he's mine it's just... there are scars that need to be healed first."
"She is mine." Clay says as he rests his head on my shoulder. "All mine." The second part leaves his mouth so quietly I barely hear it. But the words fill me with a warmth that feels more like I'm at home than I ever felt before. It makes me feel like everything has happened for a reason. That everything we've been through has happened for this moment here and now.
"Are we going to go out in public more? We will, yeah. We definitely aren't going to announce when we leave and stuff but feel free to come up to us. That goes for George and Nick as well. Don't be shy. We don't bite."
"Clay does bite. But I don't think he'd bite you."
"Baby!" He slaps my arm playfully which causes me to shrug my shoulders. I have done nothing wrong. Absolutely nothing wrong.
"Ignore her chat. She's being naughty. I think we need Bad in here to shut her up." Clay jokes as he continues on with more questions.
We lose track of time and before we know if we've been in front of my dresser staring at my phone talking for hours. Clay ends when I fall to his feet and curl up into his leg. My hands clenching into his skin. My body is feeding off his comfort and drifting just a few feet away too my bed feels like too much.
Clay picks me up off the ground and carries me to my bed. I wait for him to strip to his boxers before reaching for him. The absence of his touch is too much. I have him and I want all of him. Now.
He instantly crawls into bed with me and pulls me into his chest. It's been months since we had this. Even before I left cuddles seemed few and far between. We lost us in a world of him. It's... just life... right?
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A/N: clay opening up to his fans? this is rare. at least one streams it's rare these days. he's always so calculated. it's nice to see a less closed off persona.
if you enjoyed make sure to vote and comment lots of nice things. <3
much love, Ashley