It was the reactions you're not expecting, you thought Chaewon would agree and like your idea because it's the only choice you have.
" I didn't mean it that way.. " seeing you head hung low, hearing your voice goes weak, it made her realize how much she have affected you to her words.
She also didn't mean it.
It's just her emotions are messing all over her head.
You have made up your mind when you took your decision and now after Chaewon said those words, you're thinking twice about it.
" Take the surgery, if not for you then for me " Her voice weakens. She can't bare to lost another person again. She just can't.
" I still want to see you.. " Your voice cracks.
You fears it so much that once you takes the surgery that would be your last day already.
Chaewon sighed, trying to stop her tears from falling again. After her parents death, she swears she won't cry over such things because she promised herself that she won't cry again.
But now she broke the promise herself. She's crying and she's thinking.
Are you going to do the same she did ?
Are you going to broke the promise you made ? that you'll stay ? if you will then she'll keep broking her promise to not cry, she'll continue to cry as long as you dare to came back.
" You won't wake up anymore after that time comes. You won't see me anymore after that " that was hard for Chaewon to say but she had no choice but to be direct. " No matter what you choose. I'll still lose you "
If both of you settle on waiting for your time to run out then that will be the end no more other chances, you would still be gone, and if you take settle for the surgery.
There's no assurance that you would survive..
" Then " You look at her. " What do you want me to do, Chaewon ? " you're confused already with what decision you should take and it's really making your chest feel heavy.
You only wish to live peacefully, get out of the hospital and this hospital and have a happy and stable life but then you got the opposite of what you wish.
And now you're struggling to live your life to the fullest.
" Go for surgery " Chaewon answered. " You'll leave me if that time comes, but if you take the surgery and risk for it then atleast you fought. " She look at you with her teary eyes.
" Atleast you tried, Atleast you took the risk to go against it. I just can't bear to see you being happy during your remaining days with me then the next day I wake up.. "
" You're gone " A tear fall on her cheeks, just by thinking of it brings her too much pain already, what more if it happens for real ?
Plastering a smile on your lips, you squeeze her hand that you're holding. " Didn't we made a promise ? " she clearly remembers what you said at the rooftop that time.
" I'll take you out on a date and I'll tell you something ? " despite with the tears falling endlessly at her cheeks. Chaewon was able to show a smile. " You'll survive and I know you will "
" And If I don't ? " as far as you don't want to destroy the positiveness she's giving, you can't just stop thinking the opposites of what she's saying.
Chaewon shook her head. " You won't leave me. You need to fullfil your promise and make me believe that promises aren't meant to be broken " even if there's only 50 percent chances, she will kept on believing that you will get better.
That settled everything then.
A surgery with 50/50 chance of surviving it is.
It's a big risk but you and Chaewon will try to bear and accept the consequences after, whether it's positive or negative.
Even if it's between, life or death. Chaewon will try to accept it but she won't promise that she will.
Because she also believes that promises are meant to be broken.
" You know " you suddenly began. " I have something to tell you " you chuckled trying to remove the heavy atmosphere around the room.
" I planned on saying this to you after the surgery if ever I would take it and if ever it'll be successful and since I don't know if I'm still going to have the chance to. I'll better say it now before it's too late " you smiled.
You'd finally made up your mind about it and there's no way you would take the surgery without saying her what you wanted to say.
Who knows this day could be the end ?
You really just can't help but to think about it. It's bothering you, she's bothering your head. You ignored it as much as possible but you just can't.
Not when she would always gave you reason to feel this feeling.
You realized you're not dumb as you think, because right now you're going to admit something you have never felt to someone before.
And The thought of saying it is making you shy.
" What is it ? " Chaewon asked after wiping her tears and dry her wet cheeks.
" Come closer " You shyly spoke while fidgeting your free hand under the blanket.
Chaewon's eyebrows furrowed. Earlier everything is just being dramatic but now the mood suddenly change so quickly as if the room are not filled with sadness seconds ago.
But then confusion grew more, when she saw your cheeks tinted to pink, she ignored it and just leaned closer to you.
When Chaewon did, you took all the courage you got to say it before whispering the words to her ears.
" I like you and I'm glad I met you "
And that made Chaewon's heart beats faster again though she smiled once she caught the monitor beside you.
Your heart rate is high means you're feeling the same she's feeling.
That makes her smiled widely and bit her inner cheek once you pulled away from her.
Once she saw your expression, both hands already covering your face with a smile crept on your lips.
Chaewon chuckled. " I'll respond to your confession after your surgery " hoping that would motivate you to remain positive and to continued breathing.
Getting off the chair after talking about random things for the whole morning and noon. It's finally time for Chaewon to leave.
How she wish she could stay the whole night with you and watch over you, but she can't.
She still need to do something. " Good luck on your surgery " She smiled.
Earlier she already told the doctors about you taking the surgery and her paying for the bills.
Everything is already settled.
" I'll visit you tomorrow " and she will.
There's no way she would not. But she hopes once she arrived at the hospital. She'll visit you alive and not dead.
You nodded your head and wave your hand when she's already standing infront of the door.
" This isn't our last goodbye right ? " you're afraid of being left alone and maybe it's also because of the depression you had.
You're afraid to be alone, you're afraid that you won't be anyone anymore tomorrow but you're thankful that Chaewon is there with you.
" This isn't. There will be no goodbyes, Verna. " Chaewon smiled as she tried to hide the sadness she's feeling.
She wish there will be no goodbyes, she badly wish.
" Okay! " You shouted with a smile formed on your lips. " Don't forget to give the letters I wrote for my friends " You reminded her.
Earlier while you and Chaewon are busy talking with each other, you randomly ask her if she have some pens and papers to her and you're glad she have.
You started writing some letters for your friends, and you even included Garam. Chaewon knows that you're writing something so she didn't dare to read it and just use her phone.
Scrolling to the pictures you took, she didn't changed her homescreen because she have no plan to do so.
" I'll see you tomorrow, Verna " Chaewon smiled.
" I hope to see you tomorrow, Chaewon "
______________