A cerise sunrise washes through this pink forest we're in and makes the bright pedals on the cherry trees surrounding us seemingly glow. Since I imagine Vyndren will be wanting to wait out the day -per the usual- I stop walking and settle back against the smooth bark of a cherry tree, fully intending to at least rest if not catch some z's when Vyndren's stare makes me open my eyes. "What?" I ask, not really excepting an answer, and absently brush fallen blossoms out of my hair. Pink pedals spiral through the air like snowflakes all around us.
"I was just thinking...it's probably not a hopelessly horrible idea if I teach you a few self-defensive maneuvers..." He trails off, pretending to be not so interested as he picks at the bark of a cherry tree with one of his many knives, the blade of this one is striped like a tiger.
"Really!" I widen my eyes. "OMG, so cool!" Is it pathetic to get so excited? "I mean, yeah, sure..." I smile, trying to sound as chill-'n-whatev as he does. "I guess we could go over a few things." I hop up and stroll over, all cool and casual.
Vyndren smirks. "If you want to, that is, you're not going to break my heart if you say no."
"Let's not risk it," I wink, he rolls his eyes. "So, what are we learning today, Chief?"
"You're going to learn how to stand up for yourself."
I flush. "I-I wish I already knew how."
"I know." It sounds like he means it and when I glance at him, he looks away. "Alright," he says briskly. "I'm gonna guess you've never thrown a punch before so let's start there. Keep your elbows at your sides, keep your stance stable and always duck your chin," he orders, gesturing with his knife as he speaks.
I blink. "Wait, throw a punch? At what? And I thought we would like, be using magic."
He shakes his head. "Oh no, magic is great n' whatever, but you cannot depend on it. Charms and other spell-casters will be able to block whatever incantation you summon; you'll be defenseless unless you know how to fight without magic."
I nervously wring my finger. "I-I don't think I -"
"Confidence is key, Adara. In fact, if someone can sense you mean what you say -if you're confident- then you might be able to avoid an altercation all together. But where's the fun in that?" He sneers.
"Well, I mean, I like, don't wanna get pushed around anymore but... fighting?" I gulp. Will this knowledge make me an aggressive person? Yikes.
He studies me for a moment, now says, "Adara, look, knowing how to fight to protect yourself and the things you care about is important. Being a fighter doesn't make you...well, like me," he smirks knowingly when I smile with relief. "A strong person knows how to fight but a stronger person knows when not to fight. You following?" He returns his knife to its sheath and now takes my hand and curls my fingers into a fist, keeping his hand over mine as he says. "I am the strong, but you have to be the stronger."
I take a deep breath and nod. "Okay, Chief. I trust you."
He stares at me for a moment, now shakes his head. "Trust yourself first, okay?" I shrug and nod again. "Trusting yourself is half of having confidence, can't have one without the other. And confidence isn't only for yourself, it's for them, your opponent, too. When you're confident, they'll sense it. And nine times out of ten, they'll lose their nerve and back off because they don't have a set below deck to back up that mouth they're running." I smother my laughter with only slight difficulty. "But if a fight does come to be, you'll have to trust in yourself to win. Got it?"
"I do. I think."
"Great," he nods slowly, but now shakes his head and steps away, dropping my hand. "On second thought, I... I shouldn't be teaching you anything, I'm just going to end up screwing you up."
"No, don't say that!" I protest. "I'm keeping up so far and you're doing a great job of explaining stuff."
"I've...never taught anyone anything before," he admits. "I've always assumed I'd be inadequate; I don't have a lot of patience if you hadn't already noticed."
I grin, I can't believe he confessed that something is difficult for him. "Nah, c'mon, you're doing great. I mean it."
"Well...whatever, I guess. Now then," he breezes on. "Let's just get to the meat and bones of it, someone with an actual degree will go over the boring shick with you at the palace," he looks me over, now scowls. "Remember your stance, were you even listening?" I blush and adjust my stance. "And what did I tell you about throwing punches? Make a fist."
I do and bring them before my face as he demonstrates. "Please tell me I can aim for your face," I smile teasingly.
He rolls his eyes and drops his hands. "Take your best shot."
I hesitate but now I shrug and just go through the motions of throwing a punch in slow motion.
Vyndren smacks my hand way. "Weak and slow. Move a little faster and actually act like you want to hit me."
"Well now I do. That wasn't a real punch, your hands weren't even up!" I protest.
"I'm the last person you should worry about. Now really throw a damn punch like you want to break my face."
Urgh. He is so annoying and all I really have to do is think about all the hundreds of times that I really wanted to punch him. I try to put weight behind this hit, but Vyndren effortlessly catches my fist in his hand.
"Still weak and slow which is sad because this time you were really trying," he sneers.
"You are...impossible to please," I pull away.
"You're not supposed to please me, you're trying to punch me in the face. C'mon, you got this. Think of something that will really piss you off." He waits with his hands on his hips.
I try again, he whacks my hand aside. "That one was good!" I insist.
"Uh, no. It wasn't." He scoffs. "Look, just think that your target is always behind what you are going to hit. Keep that in mind and you'll be able to hit harder if you tell yourself you have to go through something to reach your goal."
I blink. "I seriously doubt I want to punch your face in."
He smirks with amusement. "Well I seriously want you to try. Now keep that chin down, and don't flop around so much when you throw a hit. Throw out, this a jab, not a dance. Well," he smirks again. "I guess it is a dance of shorts. Shall we?" He bows mockingly.
"Urgh, you're such a jerk. And this is all new to me, cut me some slack, man!"
He drums his fingertips together. "Slack is something I do not cut. Now try again."
I do. I throw this punch with all I got and Vyndren neither brushes it off or catches it. He ducks out of the way and now comes up right in front of me.
"Better." He admits.
"Ha!" I smile victoriously. "That was fierce! I'm a badass now! You almost got your pretty face muffed up!"
He arches an eyebrow in surprise and I blush as I review what I said. Oh geesh, I just said he has a pretty face! Now he's going to think that I have a crush on him or something instead of being terrified of him. Which...I do kinda maybe have a tiny, teeny, teensy wee little harmless crush on him... I mean, he is super totally beautiful, completely handsome I mean.
"Errr..." I run my hands over my apron. "So... That punch was pretty good, right?"
Vyndren nods. "Right, but next time, discipline your punch. Don't let it spin you off your feet. Control it, drive it, be a force."
"Okay."
"Good. Now try again."
***
I smile to myself with satisfaction. Tonight is the second night of shadow boxing with Vyndren. Or rather it had been. Now the sun is rising. I've gotten pretty good I think, I mean, I feel more surefooted and confident. It's pretty fun. And I think Vyndren might finally like me. A tiny, teeny, teensy, wee little bit. Not like a crush or anything, I guess, but he praises me. Sometimes. And his smirks aren't so scornful now, I think. We've been coving a lot of ground lately but we're still in the woods, some woods, I don't know the name of it. But what is impressive is how Vyndren knows exactly where to go even without a path or a map or even a compass.
He's... kinda amazing.
Blushing at my confession to self, I toss my wispy bangs out my eyes and try to focus on the rising sun. Today makes Day Eight since I've been in Raetri. Insane, right? It's been over a week. I shake my head to myself. I don't know how I would've ever survived this wild wonderland if I hadn't met Vyndren.
"Adara?" Think of the Devil.
"Yeah?" I don't bother to look over my shoulder, the sun is so pretty this morning, the sky is quite literally a rainbow.
"I think you should practice summoning your animal soul spirit again."
"Really?" I bite my lip. "I kinda flunked last time."
"Everyone fails on their first try." He assures me.
"Bet you didn't." I glance over my shoulder at him.
He pushes off the tree he had been leaning against and moves closer to the rock I'm perched on. "Actually, I kinda struggled with that more than anything."
"Oh yeah?" I doubt it.
"There's just something so tedious and frustrating about studying one's own heart and soul that makes me want to do the exact opposite of that," I raise my eyebrows. He smirks. "Ripping someone else's heart out and putting it on a platter of course, maybe garnish it with some roses. Keep it classy."
"Ugh, sicko!" I shoo him away, he smirks as he backs away, the sun rises above the treetops and now washes over me. I glow like I'm made of a rainbow.
Vyndren retreats to the inky shadows, his eyes glow a little brighter in the darkness. "But you're the strongest person in this world. You can do this. Hell, you can do anything. You are powerful, Adara, just believe that and you'll be able to accomplish anything."
I blush and look away. "I guess I'll try." I start to get off my rock.
"No, no." He says quickly. "I mean, you're fine right there. In the sun..." His tone is soft as he stares at me, but he glances away quickly and says briskly. "Just focus on what's makes you who you are." He melts into the thick blackness of the shadows, most of which he creates.
I nod and close my eyes and turn my face back towards the sun. Focus. Focus. Focus. I try to picture my soul. It's a little weird, even for me, but I try to remember some of the helpful tips Vyndren gave me. I have to think of what makes me...me.
Favorite colors -weak but still, I think of them anyway- Mom, Mom is a big part of me, I love her more than anything, oh and my little kitten. I bet Vyndren would say kittens are weak but still, I think of little fuzzy, orange Dinah and other stuff too. Stuff that makes me who I am, I guess. Music, paint, warmth...harmony. I feel something, like a delicate bubble or something filling my chest, just one poke might pop it and then it'll be gone. It seems too weak to try to tap. I think harder. I need more things that fill my soul. I dig deeper.
Vyndren says a soul is filled with character and depths...
Other things make me who I am too, not just fluffy kittens and favorite colors. I'm hated by the kids at school, they don't really matter but the feeling of being hated, isolated and afraid has found a way to sink down to the pit of my heart and I figure my soul too. I think of love, hate, fear -I have a lot of that- but I find I have a lot of desire in my soul too. I want to be wanted. I want to be loved. I want to be cared for. I want people to like me, to finally see me for who I really am.
I crave for people to hear me...
I think I feel something else in my chest now, it feels stronger. Like a cage, a birdcage, I think. Maybe it's full of birds or something. I can only describe this feeling like butterflies in the stomach, but these butterflies are in my heart, and they're struggling against the bars. They're trying to get out. I remember Vyndren saying how I'll feel a piece of myself, a part that will make me feel different and all I have to do is tap it. I want to, I really do...
I'm aware of Vyndren's eyes on me. I can feel him watching me. Can I really summon my animal soul spirit if he's watching me? Can I really bare my soul for the first time and have him see it? I feel my hands start to shake, I feel a cold sweat break across my skin.
All I have to do is tap it...
But no. I'm not ready.
My eyes open and I swiftly brush a tear off my cheek before I turn to look at Vyndren, shrugging apologetically. He's still standing in the dark shadows. His bright, fiery eyes are wide with amazement, but they narrow as he notices me looking at him. He turns and disappears in the darkness without a word.