my anxiety has been horrible recently so i decided to make a chapter about it. i'm currently writing this while on the verge of having a panic attack.
anxiety is not a joke and shouldn't be seen as one.
i've had it since kindergarten and i've gone this far with it. i'm honestly kinda proud of myself.
i will be writing this from what i know about my anxiety.
music helps me calm down so i will include that as well bc i can.
——————————
Your POV:
"But i don't want to leave!" i yelled my back to my mother.
i had just told her about my bisexuality.
i also just found out she didn't support and was trying to kick me out of the house completely.
"you're leaving anyway!" she yelled as she threw one of my six bags at me.
she pushed me outside, shoving my bags behind me as she slammed my door.
i sat down on the bench we had outside and started to sob.
where am i supposed to go now?
"y/n?" i heard a familiar voice say.
i looked up to see chapa, standing there with a concerned look.
i hugged my legs again and continued to cry.
even though she didn't know what was going on, she still sat down and held me.
"it's okay." i heard her whisper.
i slowly started to calm down.
once i had calmed down just enough to talk i sat up.
"what happened?" she asked softly.
"m-my mother. she kicked me out because i came out to her."
i felt another tear roll down my cheek.
"how do you feel about living with me?" she asked.
"r-really?" i asked her, wiping the tear from my cheek.
"yeah. i don't think my parents or sage would really care."
i hesitated for a moment.
"thank you." i said quietly as i jumped up and hugged her.
time skip a lot
(still ur pov)
chapa said it was okay if we shared a bed.
we've shared one many times and were pretty much used to it.
chapa lied on one side of the bed, when i had the other.
she was peacefully sleeping.
i couldn't sleep because i was shaking and couldn't breathe.
music usually helps me calm down, but my mother didn't let me take my earphones with.
i lied there, trying to calm my breathing and playing music in my head.
it wasn't helping at all.
the room was lit up from outside enough so i could see where everything was.
i started to tap my fingers together, counting how many times i did it.
it wasn't helping.
my thoughts were making it one hundred percent worse.
'what if i never get to see my mother again?'
'will she ever let me back home?'
'i miss my bed.'
'whats so bad about being bi?'
'i want to go home.'
i felt tears roll down my cheeks.
my body started shaking more.
it felt like my heart was skipping 20 beats at a time.
i couldn't breathe at all.
i couldn't keep my hands still.
tears freely ran down my cheeks and i started breathing heavier and heavier.
it felt like i was going to have a heart attack.
i started to sweat.
i felt cold, then hot, then cold again.
i started to sob.
chapa woke up.
'was i being too loud?'
'is she mad?'
'will she kick me out?'
she turned over to my and sat up, concerned.
"are you okay?" she whispered.
i slowly shook my head. i knew exactly what was happening.
"okay, okay." she said quietly as she moved over to me and held me close to her.
she helped me calm down.
it lasted about twelve minutes.
i fell asleep in her arms soon after it ended.
——————————————————-
i didn't have a panic attack while making this (thank god)
almost cried when writing the symptom scene bc of how much i relate to it.