Notes: Kinda possibly spoilers for Wakanda Forever. Like nothing is directly said that spoils it, but if you've seen the movie it's obvious what a lot of the conversation is about. And if you haven't seen the movie, it's obvious enough that it could spoil the opening of the film, so fair warning. This one is very brief, like not my usual chapter length. I just have wanted to write a brief thing with T'Challa since watching Wakanda Forever back when it came out. And I found the first hours of peace to do so, but only enough for a bit so it's short. I have other ideas for chapters and all of your suggestions, I just need time. Which I honestly don't know if I'll ever have😂 Cuz that's life.
Stakeouts have to be the best job, you thought as you munched away on your Pringles.
You'd taken a car out "shopping", instead coming to this rendezvous. You'd had it planned for a while now, though you had backed out and recommitted a hundred times in the last twenty-four hours. It wasn't necessarily uncommon for you to do things without asking, especially as you grew increasingly more comfortable being your own person and having your own life in the MCU. In the past, you'd always still been a guest in ways. At least in your head. Now, you had to realize that you could come and go places as you pleased...not that this revelation thrilled some people...and clearly, if you felt the need to sneak around, then you didn't entirely believe that.
There was no need to tell them, you justified to yourself, And there's no need for any of them to panic and look for you, you're allowed out.
The tapping on the window made you nearly launch the Pringles in the air. Your face went from fear to happiness to "oh shit" and finally landed on reluctance, as you sighed and unlocked the car.
T'Challa opened the passenger side door, slipping in to the front seat and giving you an amused smile.
"How's your shopping coming along?"
"Great actually, I got some Pringles," you offered him the can, but he declined. "Shuri tell you I went shopping?"
"She did. She also told me the strangest thing," he said sarcastically, "She said you were in New Jersey, over an hour away."
"Good Pringles are hard to come by. How'd she know anyway? Not that I didn't think this car or anything is traceable if someone wanted to track me, but is there an alarm that goes off once I cross the stinkin state line?"
"She was checking to see how far it'd be for you to pick up those doughnuts she likes."
"You mean Okoye was checking."
"Breathe a word of what the general secretly likes to eat to any outsider and it might be the last thing she lets you do," he said jokingly, though the statement was entirely true.
"So how'd Shuri find me?"
"Be careful where you wear those kimoyo beads."
"I'm a sucker for fashion."
"Of course," he grinned.
"So why're you here?"
"The right question, but wrong person."
"I'm just eating Pringles," you said in exaggerated innocence.
"Yes. And eating and eating and eating..." he looked at the near empty container with mild concern.
"Hey, I offered."
"My body's under enough strife."
"Even the super kitty's juiced-up body's feeling a little sore?" you teased.
"Something like that," he smiled, "But what are you really doing here? It isn't like you to go off by yourself or lie about it."
"How'd you know? Maybe I'm so good at it that I do it all the time and you never realize?"
"A White Rhinoceros has better stealth."
"Ow. And just for that I'm taking the last Pringle," you said, sticking your hand down as far as it could and tipping the container slightly, "See, the key is to tip it enough to grab it without spilling the crumbs."
"Ah, an increasingly rare talent," he played along in a fascinated tone as he watched you victoriously grab the chip.
"You ate your last distraction," he pointed out as you closed the top.
"Oh I can think of more, my power of steering conversations off-topic is unmatched."
"I have experience with little sisters and their secrets," he gave you a look that showed he had enough patience to wait a lifetime if that's what it took to get to the answer.
"I just wanted to chill," you said, "Get out, you know? After all, I'm a Jersey girl."
"Even if I didn't already know where we were," he said kindly, "Your eyes have not left the house."
You sighed, dropping your head back against the seat before giving a defeated smile.
"Well, I'm already here," you tossed your hands.
"I'm not going to drag you away."
"Then why'd you come?"
"To help," he said after a moment's pause.
"I....there's uh--thanks, but uh, there's not really much to help with."
"We often tell ourselves that."
"I just wanna see them, that's all," you said, trying to let out your shaky breath as subtly as possible.
"Wren...you know this will only make things harder?"
"Yeah, yeah I know," you brushed him off.
"It will. Handling the alternate you has been tricky enough with your face starting to make its way on the news. They can't give you what you're looking for."
"I'm not gonna walk up to them and ask for a hug, ok? I'm just looking, there's nothing wrong with looking."
A silence fell as you continued staring at the house.
"It's just hard, you know?" you broke the quiet, "This time of year, the holidays. Tomorrow being Thanksgiving. I made it through the last one when I was first here, but now it...I don't know, it's different. Everything's different this time around because things are final. Decisions are final. There is no 'Oh I'll just see them next Thanksgiving' because there isn't one."
"Have you seen them yet?"
"Nope, but I know us. At least, I think I do. If things aren't different here, then we should be packing the car soon to go to my aunt's."
"And if they saw you?"
"Don't worry, this rhino knows how to turn her face the other way," you snickered, and he laughed lightly.
"I know it's hard," he began gently, "Wanting to be with your family. Leaving them is the hardest thing," he said with an aura of understanding. You assumed he was speaking from the experience of losing his father.
Damnit, Wren, perspective!
"It was. But I'd made---have made my peace with it...or at least, I thought I had or think I do and then I---it just...sometimes I fall back into this longing. And again, it's usually just me getting used to my decision, but lately? The holidays can be equally as sad as they are happy because the lack is more glaring. Someone's empty seat at the dinner table seems a little more empty on a day like tomorrow."
"Choices like yours are a constant battle. Choices to be happy. Choices to accept or grow. They are not a book you can close and never reopen. They require constant attention. Like pushing a boulder up a hill that does not end. Some days you'll have more strength to move it. Others, it will push you back. The best we do is to get it a little higher every day."
"And if it sends you tumbling backwards down the hill and crushes you for good measure?"
"We get back up."
"Sounds painful."
"It can be. But you are already well prepared to carry your rock farther than you think."
"How?"
"Because you have already greatly come to terms with your farewell. Does not mean it will hurt any less on certain days, but you were given the gift of being able to prepare yourself for the change. We all must be prepared to part ways, but we cannot always grasp how soon we need to ready ourselves. You've been given the fortune of knowing, and of saying goodbye on your terms."
You took in his words somberly, nodding softly.
"So being back here kinda erases that doesn't it? I settled things, and now I'm throwing myself back in," you groaned.
"It's understandable. Everyone who has ever left or had someone leave has experienced the desire to see them again. And everyone would find it hard to resist an encounter when they know when and where their loved one would be."
"But I have to let them go," you whispered to yourself, eyes zoned out the window.
"The boulder only gets heavier if you hold on."
"God, this sucks," you said in frustration, dropping your forehead a little too forcefully on the steering wheel.
"They're outside," he said quietly, and you had to stop yourself from launching up.
Seeing them will only make it harder.
Without lifting your head, you pressed the button to start the ignition. When you sat back up, you kept your head facing forward, eyes trained on the road. Putting the vehicle in drive, you pulled forward and onwards past the house. You clenched your teeth, taking all your strength not to look. When you were a few blocks down, you pulled the car over again and loosened your death grip on the wheel. Wiping a tear that had stubbornly made its way out, you released the breath you'd been holding.
"You did the right thing."
You nodded, giving him a quick appreciative smile.
"Thanks, T'Challa. You didn't have to come all the way out here."
"But I knew what you were going through. And...if there's anything I want people to learn, it's how to move on."
"I can barely handle this, imagine if someone died. I'd be a mess."
"When someone dies," he corrected.
"Ok, you downer, when someone dies."
"It is an inevitable part of all our journey. Death is not the end. We are simply parting ways for a while. When someone goes...you have to learn to carry on."
He said it with a calm strength, but there was a tinge of sadness in his eyes.
"I guess there is a benefit to not knowing how soon you need to be ready to let someone go. I wouldn't be able to function if I knew when someone was gonna die."
He started chuckling, shaking his head as he did.
"What?"
"Nothing, just...I would never tell you then," he smirked.
"Please, don't," you agreed, "Though I guess I'd want to know."
"You just said otherwise," he argued.
"Yeah I know, but I meant like it'd be horrible if we all knew when we were gonna die, like if I learned Tony's inevitably gonna die in a car crash next week or something. But if he knew? And didn't tell me?"
"Well, he'd just be sparing you. Why make you spend your last moments worrying?"
"Because you said it was good to be prepared!"
"Yes but..."
"What?"
"If nothing could be done, and he knew you'd spend your time thinking something could be done, then why would he waste that time?"
"And how would he know if something couldn't be done?"
"Because you said it was a hypothetical inevitable death we were considering."
"Well, in reality that doesn't really make sense does it?" you countered, "So in reality, I'd want to know. Cuz if someone knows they're gonna die, then they know how, and it can be fixed."
"Who would you tell?" he changed the topic.
"I guess...damn ok, I see what you're saying, cuz all of you would just freak out and I don't think I'd want that."
"See?" he pointed at you.
"I guess I'd tell those who I knew really needed to know. Those who needed to be prepared for it the most, who would be affected by it the most."
"I agree."
"Or tell someone who could possibly help with whatever I was about to die from."
He stared out the window for a bit before seeming to come back to himself.
"What if there was no guarantee that person could help? And they were one of the ones you didn't want to tell?" he asked, still phrasing it like a question in this game of theoreticals you were playing.
"You're getting invested in this scenario."
"You never know when you'll need the answers," he grinned.
"Ok, well, I'd say that if this person was someone you thought could possibly help, then chances are they'll think they could have helped too. So you'd be risking leaving them with tremendous guilt by not confiding in them."
"Just as much as if you did confide in them though, and there was nothing that could be done."
"Possibly. But if the outcome is the same, then I'd say why not go for it? At least then both of you would know you tried."
He hummed thoughtfully at that.
"But I guess the best thing to do is to cherish what we got now, huh?" you summed up, starting the car once again.
"Live every moment like it's your last," he agreed.
"Good. Good talk, we're both thoroughly prepared for the farfetched outcome," you said, pulling forward, "Where're you parked by the way?"
He led you back to his car, though he hesitated when reaching for the door.
"Whenever I die, Wren...don't spend your time grieving. I want you to live."
"You planning on hanging yourself tonight, cuz that sounded an awful lot like a 'goodbye before I kill myself' kinda thing?"
"Vibranium cannot protect me from everything."
"Eh, but it can from most things."
"I'm serious," he smirked.
"So am I, that stuff is magic."
"Just don't let the boulder hold you back if my death comes around, ok?" he smiled.
"No promises," you smiled back, "Now get out, I've got places to be."
"Alright, I'm going," he held his hands up in offense.
"T'Challa," you said before he could close the door, "Thanks again."
"Thank you," he said, closing the door before you could question what it was he was thanking you for.
More Notes: First, big thanks and love to Chadwick Boseman. The man was an absolute legend to handle his situation the way he did. Not that telling the world would have made him any less of a good guy, but I have such respect for how he never sought attention or sympathy for his position. How he carried on filming and being the awesome guy he was when he had every reason to bail out.
I also found it fitting that Wakanda Forever, which got me all mushy and sad about T'Challa and Chadwick, came out shortly before Thanksgiving. The holidays, as Wren said, can be as sad as they are happy. But we have to remember the good in our lives, be grateful for those we have, and remember and cherish the memory of those we don't. Shuri's story was the classic story of grief nearly driving someone too far. We saw it with Wanda, and we've seen it in storytelling many times. But it was done really well and in a way that accurately represents a common way we all deal, or don't deal, with grief. Especially when someone so young goes through something tragic.
To me, they handled the Chadwick situation in the most beautiful sense. He was a legend for how he continued through with the filming and with life, despite his illness. It only seemed right to portray that heroic quality to his character, capturing the shock of his sudden loss and allowing the audience to have it's chance to say farewell to Chadwick through T'Challa. Now, when I watch Infinity War or Endgame, the "wow, Chadwick filmed all of this while sick" is carried over into "wow, T'Challa was sick when fighting these battles". It just beautifully pays respect to Chadwick's legacy, and forever, in my mind, binds him to the hero he brought to life.
With all of that being said, enjoy the holidays with your friends and family everyone! Cherish your time with them, because we never know how much time we have on this earth. That's a scary but also beautiful thing, because it makes life all the more precious. Don't dwell on those who aren't here, but rather rejoice and take comfort and happiness in the memories you have and the loved ones still with you. Some days are easier than others for anyone who's experienced loss. But it doesn't drive away all of the good.
Merry Christmas and lots of love!