Y/n had spent the rest of the day training on her own, eventually falling asleep when she decided to lie down for a bit before showering. She tried hard to stay awake for as long as she could, but she was exhausted from her lack of rest from the night before. She would regret doing so, seeing how her past found a way inside her head again. The figures didn't speak this time, but their eyes told her everything she needed to know. They came back angry. Angry that she had left them. Angry that she was seemingly moving on.
She felt everything they felt. The pain. The loss of hope. The disappointment. Blaming and questioning her as she turned on her side in bed, knees tucked to her chest for fear that she would lose herself in between the emotions that were threatening to engulf her. She tucked her head in her arms to shut them out, feeling a headache coming from how much pressure she was applying. She woke up in a sweat again, curled up in bed. She had to will her eyes open for the sake of making sure that it was all a dream.
She checked her reflection after a much-needed cold shower, frowning at how she looked. She got dressed, checking on her watch for the time. 11.36 pm? Fuck. So much for a healthy sleep schedule. She decided that she would ask Helen for some sleeping pills. She sauntered down the hallway, still half groggy. She thought she had heard voices from Wanda's room when she passed and wondered if she was imagining things. She shook her head, focusing instead on what she was supposed to do.
Y/n arrived at the dimly lit med bay, curious to see if Helen was still there. She lazily scanned the area, and to her surprise, found Helen working. She thought about her 'working overtime' joke with Helen, smiling as she was about to call out to her when she noticed that the doctor was tending to someone. Cocking an eyebrow, she approached slowly. "Hi Helen," Y/n greeted, the doctor nodding in her direction before continuing. Y/n caught a glimpse of whom Helen was tending to at that moment.
"Nat? You guys are back already?" Y/n walked over to Natasha. "You okay? You're usually the one visiting, not the one on the examination table," Y/n joked, though she casually inspected her for injuries.
"Yeah, just came here to touch up a few minor cuts. Nothing a little Helen magic can't heal," Natasha smirked at Y/n, accompanied by Helen's soft laugh at her reply.
"When did you guys arrive?" Y/n asked, stifling a yawn.
"Few hours ago, actually. I didn't see you earlier. Where were you?"
"Yeah, I was, uh... I conked out after training, pretty exhausted lately."
Helen looked over at Y/n sternly, though her voice was gentler. "What did I say about resting, Y/n?"
Natasha took a moment to really look at Y/n after Helen's remark. "I don't know how, but you look slightly worse than I do. And I just returned from a mission," Natasha half-joked. "Are you okay? I assume you're here to see Helen too, right?"
Natasha and Helen watched Y/n closely as she tried to figure out what to say, nervously shifting her weight to the other foot. "I'm fine..." She looked at Helen hesitantly. "I was just wondering if you have anything that can help me sleep?" She was met with questioning looks from both women.
"Sure, but, may I ask why you need it? Is anything troubling you lately? Pain? Discomfort?" Helen asked.
They looked expectantly at Y/n while she thought of what to say. Pain and discomfort are one of the ways to describe it. Well, I can't just tell them I dream of my dea—deceased family members. Or how they're asking me to spend time with them as if they were still alive, whilst looking very much... unalive. That sounds crazy. "Never mind, maybe I just need to tire myself out more. Thanks, anyway."
Before both women could question her further, Y/n decided to change the topic. "How did the mission go? Everyone else okay?" Helen and Natasha shared a look that made her feel slightly uneasy. "Nat?"
"Umm, the mission was... okay."
"Okay? What do you mean 'okay'? Helen? Do you know anything? Anyone badly injured?"
"I'll give you two some time to talk." Helen moved away, nodding politely before leaving. Y/n's eyes searched Natasha's face for an answer when she realized the usually assertive Avenger still hadn't said anything after a while. Before Y/n could ask her again, Natasha spoke up.
"It started out as planned. We found the perpetrator and managed to secure the bio-weapon. Then things took a turn. Crossbones, or Rumlow, confronted Steve. They were in a busy market when it happened. Civilians were around, and Rumlow had a jacket on, strapped with bombs." Y/n's brows furrowed as she continued to listen.
"In an effort to kill himself, he tried to kill Steve as well." Natasha winced at the sound of her words. "But Wanda managed to contain the explosion. At first." Natasha sighed, her reactions making Y/n anxious about what was coming next. "We thought she had time to get the bomb far enough away. She thought so too. Then it exploded, mid-air near a building." Y/n gasped, leaning against the examination table next to Natasha as Natasha continued.
"Before we returned here, they recorded five civilian casualties. We're still waiting for more updates." Natasha looked at Y/n, Y/n noting how worried she looked. She reached out to comfort Natasha, rubbing her arm. Natasha smiled softly in reply, grateful for the gesture.
Y/n looked ahead, deep in thought, when she broke the silence between them. "How's Wanda?"
"She's been in her room since we returned. I tried to talk to her, but she didn't want to be around anyone. Not even Vision. Last I heard, Steve was on his way to see her."
Y/n wondered to herself if she could do anything. Natasha gave her a small nudge. "Maybe you should try talking to her. She needs as much support as we can give her right now."
Y/n nodded, standing properly while she turned to Natasha. "Alright. You sure you're okay, though?" She asked Natasha one more time. Natasha smiled again, waving her away. Helen walked up to Y/n, a small orange bottle in her hand.
"Here. You can have these for the time being. One a day, after meals. These should help until I can see you again regarding this. Try not to depend on them, okay, Y/n? And remember to take things easy," Helen advised as Y/n took the bottle from her, thanking her before heading to Wanda's room.
.
Y/n stood in front of the door, which was now slightly ajar, wondering if Wanda was awake. She took a deep breath before she knocked. The door moved forward slightly with each knock, revealing Steve and Wanda, who were talking quietly at the edge of her bed. He glanced at the doorway, giving Y/n a small smile when he saw her. Y/n stood still, not knowing what to do. She saw Steve excusing himself before walking to her, gently leading her outside the room to talk.
"You heard?" Y/n merely nodded at his question, already beginning to feel what Wanda felt. Waves of guilt started to fill her. Why are my powers so sensitive lately? First Tony, now Wanda? She pondered before Steve's voice interrupted her thoughts.
"I've been trying to talk to her. She's not saying much so far. She feels really guilty about the whole thing, poor girl. She was just trying to help, too," Steve sighed, leaning against the wall as he crossed his arms across his chest. "You okay, Y/n? You look tired," Steve asked, noting the orange bottle in Y/n's hand. She quickly placed it in her pocket, not looking at him.
"I'm gonna go and see if she's okay. You think she wants to talk?"
"Well, she didn't mind me trying. But I'm sure you'd fare better." Steve noticed Y/n having second thoughts about going in. "Even if she needs more time right now, at least you had the effort to help. You can always try again later if needed." Y/n nodded again before pushing the door again, turning to Steve.
"Thanks, Steve. See you around." She gave him a small smile which he returned before he walked away. Y/n entered the room, the atmosphere heavy. She looked at Wanda, her small frame hunching over the edge of the bed as she covered her face with her hands. She closed the door as slowly as she could. "Wanda?" Her own voice was barely louder than a whisper, afraid to disrupt what little peace Wanda still managed to hold on to. Y/n walked over slowly to the bed, unsure how to approach this situation. She decided to sit near Wanda, still maintaining some space between them. "Wanda? I heard what happened. I'm here. You want to talk?"
At the sound of her voice, Wanda's sobbed. Y/n closed the distance between them slowly, her own heart heavy as she wished she could make Wanda feel better. She gingerly placed a hand on Wanda's shoulder, careful to see how Wanda reacted to it. Wanda pushed her hand away, only to turn toward her before wrapping her arms around Y/n's neck. Y/n was taken by surprise as she felt Wanda lay her head on her shoulder, facing away from Y/n as her tears wet the fabric of her sweater.
Y/n held Wanda in her arms, letting her cry while she rubbed her back to comfort her. It took a while before she finally stopped. She felt Wanda lean into the hug even more as she rested more of her weight on Y/n, as if to say she trusted her to hold her. Y/n responded, hugging her tighter as she rested her head on Wanda's. They sat that way in silence for a bit, Y/n letting her calm down.
Wanda had tried hard not to break down, but there was something about feeling safe here with Y/n, as if there was some cover from the outside world and what they thought about her right now that allowed her to be vulnerable. She felt Y/n returning her hug, which she appreciates. She swore she could feel Y/n's heartbeat seeing how close they were, a steady rhythm that helped her calm down. "It's okay, Wands. I'm here," she heard Y/n say. She pulled from the hug after she managed to relax a bit more.
Y/n could tell by Wanda's face how devastated she actually was. "Do you want to talk?" Wanda shook her head as she wiped her face with her sleeve. "I know what you're feeling, Wands. I can feel how heavy it is. I'm only here to listen, I won't say a thing if you don't want me to. But please try and talk to me?" Wanda shook her head again as Y/n looked at her defeatedly. "Okay. You don't have to say anything. I'll just stay here with you, okay? Let me know if you want me to leave."
Wanda felt guilty at Y/n's reaction. She knows that she just wants to help, but she can't even begin to explain things to her. Add that to the guilt she already had; she swears she could just sink into the ground with how heavy she felt. She could hear how worried Y/n was for her. There were no questions about what she did or how she let that deadly mistake happen. She can only hear Y/n's loud thoughts, wondering how to help her. She decided to give it a try.
"I feel like a monster," she said softly, her voice cracking slightly from her crying. "I hurt innocent people, Y/n. Not only did I put them in danger, but I... I—" She closed her eyes as her tears fell, not able to finish her sentence as her guilt took over once more.
"Wands, you didn't mean to. Nat knows. Steve knows—"
Wanda turned to look at Y/n, her green eyes full of hurt. "But do those people know? Those people whose lives I've ruined, do they know that? Do you think they care if I meant to or not?"
Y/n sighed heavily, knowing there was nothing she could say to make things easier or better. "If you didn't do what you did, perhaps more people could've been victims. I know it's not fair to say that, but..." Y/n sighed again, wracking her brain for what to say and how to say it.
"Our line of work, this job specifically. Being what people deem 'a hero'. Despite how 'glamorous' or 'amazing' it might seem to some... It can feel so heavy at times. Especially mentally. Emotionally. You'd do what seems to be the right thing, and you can still be wrong. You'll be up at night, figuring out how everything could've been better. So, you try to do right by people who count on you. And sometimes, that's the best thing we can hope to do. Despite our powers or abilities, we're not perfect. And we're never going to be."
Y/n glanced at Wanda before turning her body so she could sit facing her, holding her hand to comfort her. She felt Wanda calming down a little, before feeling a new slight tinge of guilt when Wanda looked at the bandage that was still on her left arm.
"I wonder if I can ever do anything right," Wanda asked quietly, letting go of Y/n's hand to reach out and touch the bandage with her fingers. Y/n's brow furrowed as she looked at her profile, studying how she looked. Wanda glanced at her quickly, before looking away. An idea popped up in Y/n's head. She wondered if Wanda was willing to try.
"Hey... Look at me, please?" Y/n gently asked Wanda. Wanda turned to Y/n, her green eyes now full of questions. "May I?" Y/n asked, as her hand hovered near Wanda's cheek. Wanda nodded, Y/n smiling as she tucked Wanda's hair behind her ear, gently placing her hand on her cheek. Her thumb tenderly wiped the tear streaks away. Wanda had to consciously resist leaning into her hand, curious to see what Y/n had in mind.
"I'm going to try something. I've never done it this way. But I thought I'd give it a go since you did the same for me before. Do you trust me?" She asked Wanda softly. Wanda searched her eyes before quietly mumbling a yes. "Thank you," Y/n smiled. "Now, can you share with me one of your favorite memories?"
"Why?"
"Just trust me. I know it's weird to do that, especially now, but... you'll see."
"Well, it's..." Wanda started to explain before Y/n spoke again.
"No, tell me with this." Y/n gently touched Wanda's temple before returning her hand to her cheek. Wanda's eyes widened with surprise before she looked at Y/n, her eyes red as she showed Y/n. It was a memory of her playing hide and seek with Pietro in their house. Y/n smiled as she watched little Wanda jump when Pietro found her, the two children giggling as they chased each other. It wasn't long before Wanda's sadness took over when she realized how much she missed her brother.
"Thank you," Y/n said again, her hand gently rubbing Wanda's cheek to soothe her. Wanda was pulled back from her thoughts, still unsure what Y/n was trying to do. She saw Y/n close her eyes, breathing in deeply. Suddenly, she was filled with warmth. A sense of safety and happiness, along with a certain feeling of love she hadn't felt in a while. She realized that these were the feelings she felt when she thought back on that memory, but without the heaviness that always threatened to loom over her.
Wanda gasped when she realized what Y/n was doing. Her tears returned as she closed her eyes, cherishing what she felt while she could. After a while, Y/n opened her eyes to check on Wanda.
"Did it work?"
Wanda opened her eyes again, nodding as she smiled gratefully at Y/n. "It's been a while since I smiled at that memory. Thank you, Y/n." Y/n removed her hand, Wanda finding herself missing the warmth it provided.
"I'm glad I can feel you feel better," Y/n replied, the both of them chuckling softly. "That was my first actual run at it. I'm glad it went well." Y/n was quiet for a while before she spoke up again. "Do you think it's scary how my powers can manipulate how people feel, even if the emotions aren't genuine? The fact that I can use that to my advantage, not that I want or plan to, mind you... But just the thought itself is scary. It's such a huge moral responsibility to trust me with," Y/n laughed drily. "I'm not like you, Wands. I can't control it. What if it controls me? I'm scared I might misuse it." She was quiet again before she shook her head. "I'm sorry, Wands. Ignore that. I'm supposed to be here for you. That was insensitive and selfish, I'm so sorry—"
Wanda shook her head before she cut her off. "I heard what you thought earlier about me. You knew what I did, and yet, you still don't think that I'm a monster. I feel the same way about you. I don't think it's scary. It's like you said. As long as we have control and still hope and try to do the right thing. Right?" Y/n wanted to ask if Wanda had heard her thoughts earlier, and if she heard anything else, but thought against it.
"Could you tell how I felt before this? Or if you've been, I don't know, influencing what I feel for you?" Wanda asked, trying to change the topic.
"No! No, I told you, I don't use my powers that way. Plus, I didn't know how to deliberately do so, until just now. You're over and underestimating me at the same time, Wands," Y/n laughed. "Wait, what do you mean by that, what you feel for me?"
Wanda's eyes widened, realizing how she had slipped up. A knock on the door interrupted them as Vision's voice called out to Wanda. She watched as Y/n's face changed drastically, Wanda knowing precisely what she would do next. Y/n stood up, excusing herself to leave as expected.
"I guess that's my cue to exit. See you, Wands. I'm always a few doors away if you need me, okay?"
"Wait, you don't have to—" Wanda called out as Y/n reached for the door, letting Vision in. He greeted Y/n briefly, looking worried when he approached Wanda. She looked past him to see Y/n closing the door, the disappointment barely hidden from her face.
Y/n shut the door behind her, wondering what Wanda had meant earlier. If only Vision had arrived later. Or not at all. She sighed as she fished for the orange bottle in her pocket, looking at it as she walked to her own room. I wonder if I can do the same emotional magic trick on myself, she thought. That'll be handy. I'd sleep better. And maybe I won't feel so confused about a lot of things. She thought about her interactions with Wanda all this time, how 'push and pull' it has been between them. You perplex me at times, Wanda Maximoff. What do I do with you?