Soobin stared at the male across from him.
"Are you sure you didn't have too much alcohol?" he asked.
Taehyun shook his head.
"No, I'm in the right state of mind, and I'm asking for you to stay here so you don't risk your life on the road."
"Fair enough."
Soobin hung his coat back on the rack.
"So, where will I stay?"
Fuck.
Taehyun completely forgot one important minor detail.
His house does not have a single guest room, and the couch is far too uncomfortable for someone to sleep on.
"Umm," Taehyun began.
There was just one option left.
I swear I will slap Beomgyu if he gets the wrong idea when I tell him about this.
"Y-You, I-I mean... are you okay with... sleeping with me?"
Soobin raised a brow.
"Sleeping with you?"
"Y-Yes, as in, s-side by side."
Why am I stammering? Why is this making me so flustered?
Taehyun was terrified to look at Soobin's ridiculously handsome face.
How does anyone react when someone asks them if they're comfortable enough to sleep side by side together?
"Okay. Fine by me."
Taehyun snapped his head up.
"What?!"
"I said, fine by me. Do I need to spell that out for you?" Soobin asked.
Taehyun shook his head.
"No... not at all."
And with the twirl of his heel, Taehyun was no longer facing him with beet red cheeks.
"C... Come on, follow me."
Now, Soobin was standing in Taehyun's room, looking around.
"Your room seems very cozy," he said.
"Thank you."
Taehyun's back faced him as he looked through his closet for clothes that may fit him, as he would need some to wear for the night.
One problem though.
"I'm not sure if I have any clothes that are your size," Taehyun said.
"I can also sleep naked; I won't mind—"
"NO!"
Taehyun nearly slapped his hand over his mouth.
Soobin raised his brow.
"I-I mean, n-no, you'll freeze."
Don't ask how Taehyun was able to glance at Soobin again after that comment he made, taking a quick look at his shoulder size.
"I think we have roughly the same build... I should find a t-shirt for you."
"Oh? Already checking me out, I see."
Taehyun scoffed and sent him a nasty glare before rummaging through his closet again.
"You egoist."
Soobin only laughed.
Taehyun finally found an oversized pair of black sweatpants that Kai once gifted him, as well as a gray t-shirt.
"Here, these should fit," he said, tossing them to Soobin.
Who swiftly caught them.
Goddamnit why is he so smooth?
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."
Taehyun took slow and awkward steps towards the bedroom door, not breaking eye contact with Soobin, who kept his gaze on him.
"You... change here... and I'll change in the bathroom."
"Okay."
Taehyun gave him one final nod, before he rushed into his bathroom, slammed the door shut and leaned against the wood, sliding down as he caught his breath.
"I must be fucking insane."
The past six years, Taehyun hasn't slept next to someone other than Juhyeok whenever he had bad dreams or just wanted to comfort his father.
Not even Beomgyu or Kai have done that.
And the fact he's allowing somebody pretty much the equivalent of a stranger to sleep next to him...
Yeah, I'm probably insane.
Taehyun sighed.
"Let's just get changed."
Taehyun knocked on the wooden frame of the doorway.
"Are you done changing already?" he asked.
"Yes."
"Don't lie to me."
"I'm not, I promise."
"Okay."
Taehyun entered the room, where Soobin was leaning against the closet, dressed in Taehyun's clothes that fit him perfectly.
He wasn't too wrong about their builts being alike, despite the obvious gap in their heights.
Taehyun shut the door behind him and cleared his throat.
"So umm..."
He pointed at the left side of his bed.
"I sleep there, and you sleep on the right."
Soobin nodded.
"Okay. Should we place something in between us so we don't burst each other's personal bubble?"
"That'd be appreciated, thank you."
Soobin looked around and found a long pillow against the window sill. He took it off and placed it next to Taehyun, who was already laying down.
"Is that good?" he asked.
Taehyun nodded.
"It is."
Soobin laid down on the other side, and Taehyun shut the lights off, ready to finally sleep and put this strange day behind him.
"Good night, Taehyun."
The younger's face burned bright red.
You can't blame him though; Soobin said it so charmingly and sweetly that it's impossible to not feel flustered.
"G-Good night Soobin."
Trying to ignore it, Taehyun turned around and shut his eyes, begging for sleep to find him before embarrassment could swallow him whole.
+x+
The sounds of a heart monitor beeping filled Taehyun's ears like an eardeafening atrocious siren. They were accompanied by short heavy breaths.
"Doctor, the monitor!!"
Taehyun's hazy vision cleared, and he saw the face of the girl he loves the most in the entire world.
"Mihye..."
Before his eyes fell towards the bed. Its sheets were completely soaked in blood, as well as his girlfriend's nightgown.
"MIHYE; NO PLEASE!!"
It was happening.
All over again.
"Taehyun..."
Her voice.
"MIHYE DON'T GO, YOU CAN'T!"
Beep.
"MIHYE OPEN YOUR EYES!"
Be-Beep.
"MIHYE DON'T DO THIS TO ME!!!"
"She's losing too much blood—"
"NO, THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING!" Taehyun screamed.
He tried to reach for her hand, but he only grabbed into flowing crimson.
"MIHYE!"
🎶: 'Starry Night' by Suho
Taehyun shot out of the nightmare like an arrow, his eyes snapping open as he gasped out loud and sat up in bed.
Not even a second later, thunder crashed outside, and he glanced out of the window to see raindrops on the window.
A shaky sigh escaped his lips, and he buried his head into the palm of his hand.
"Not again..." he muttered to himself.
He heard a soft noise next to him, and looked to his side.
Soobin was lying on the other side of the bed, sleeping peacefully. He had not heard a thing, which was a wonder with the way Taehyun woke up.
The brown haired male could feel his heart still pounding in his chest, so he carefully lifted the covers, slipped his legs out and into his slippers, and tiptoed quietly out of his room, not forgetting to shut the door as silently as possible.
Waking up from a nightmarish flashback was not Taehyun's first rodeo.
In fact, it happens every now and so often, which explains the heavy bags under his eyes.
Taehyun walked down the stairs towards the kitchen, and switched the counter lights on. He opened one of the cupboards to look for the tea kettle, which was sitting there on the shelf, almost like it waited for him.
Beomgyu had advised Taehyun to drink tea if he ever has trouble at night, as it settles the nerves pretty well.
Taehyun followed his advice, as he promised his best friend.
He filled the tea kettle with water and began boiling it over the stove. He then opened the pantry and looked for two little tea bags. After finding them, he placed them next to the kettle, and while he waited, Taehyun cut himself some bananas.
Not the wisest choice to eat in the middle of the night, but once again, Taehyun needed something to calm his nerves.
Taehyun was so distracted by his thoughts and meal preparations that he almost didn't hear the footsteps approaching him.
Keyword, almost.
The moment he felt a presence nearby, Taehyun's instincts kicked in and he spun around quickly with the knife in his hand, only to gasp and stagger back.
"Oh my god, you scared me!"
"What are you doing at 1am in your kitchen?" Soobin asked.
Taehyun's mouth ran dry.
How does he explain this?
'Oh I got a traumatic flashback for like the millionth time so I'm just making myself some calm-down food, no biggie at all'.
Give him a break!
"I—"
The tea kettle finished boiling at that moment and let out a loud whistle, startling the both of them.
Taehyun instantly flew towards the boiling item, turning it off.
"Crap, hope that didn't wake Juhyeok up—"
His words were completely cut off when he felt a warm palm rest on top of his, keeping his frantic hands from touching the hot tea kettle.
"What is going on?" Soobin asked.
Taehyun shoved him off.
"Nothing!"
"Then why are you so worried that Juhyeok might wake up?"
"He's a kid! He needs his sleep—"
"—or are you worried he'll see you in a state you don't wish him to see?"
"W-What makes you think—"
Soobin's next action shocked Taehyun to the very core.
He reached out, and cupped his cheek, brushing his thumb over Taehyun's cheekbones... that had dried and wet tears on them.
"You're not okay, Taehyun."
You're not okay.
Those three words.
Those three words was all it took for those walls Taehyun had built around himself to completely crumble to the ground.
His shield cracked in half.
That unwavered façade Taehyun had been portraying all his years of being a parent to everyone unfamiliar around him... shattered.
All because of someone stating the obvious truth to him.
Before he knew it, Taehyun felt tears running down his already rosy-dusted cheeks, and a clog formed in his throat.
"No."
Sobs racked his voice.
"I-I'm not o-okay—"
Taehyun suddenly met dark colored fabric, and then he felt a pair of strong arms wrap themselves around him.
It took him a moment to realize what was happening.
Soobin was hugging him.
Taehyun has been hugged before, especially by Kai and Beomgyu. And he hated to admit this, but... neither could compare to the way Soobin was hugging him right now, in this very moment of vulnerability.
Soobin held him so close to his body, his warmth falling over his smaller figure like a blanket, and his arms felt like home and comfort all at once.
Before he knew it, Taehyun had wrapped his arms around Soobin too, resting his head in the fold of his neck as he quietly cried into it.
Even though so many years have passed... Taehyun still hasn't dried his tear ducts.
Every day, every night, he was supplied with a whole new round of tears.
Each time he cried, his heart ache only became worse.
But this time was different.
He was enveloped in someone else's embrace.
Someone whose embrace was the warmest and most homely thing he's ever felt.
In his twenty-three years of life.
They stayed like this for a while.
Just doing nothing except holding each other tightly (A/N: play the song from the beginning).
Soobin and Taehyun pulled apart eventually, and the taller male wordlessly opened the cupboard, took out a mug, poured the hot water from the tea kettle in, and set in the herb bags, before handing it to Taehyun.
"Thanks," he whispered.
"Be honest with me, will you?" Soobin asked.
"With what?"
"What happened?"
"I-I had a bad dream—"
"No, Taehyun. What happened to you?"
Taehyun froze.
"What's going on here? Why are you and Juhyeok... in this position, where you're crying during the night, and Juhyeok is asking me what a happy family is?"
At that moment, Taehyun understood.
He really had no way out.
Soobin could clearly see what Mihye's passing had done to him.
Sleepless nights.
Being utterly overprotective over his son.
Ruining their bond due to his fears.
Soobin's worried gaze wasn't leaving Taehyun, especially when he saw the way Taehyun's hands trembled as they gripped the cup.
Finally, the brown haired male shakily inhaled.
"I'll tell you. L-Let's sit down."
So there they were, seated on the couch. Soobin cut the bananas and brought them in a bowl, while Taehyun held the mug in his hands, occasionally sipping on it.
"Answer me this," Soobin said.
"What?"
"Who is Juhyeok's mother?"
Taehyun fell quiet again.
I'm not ready... I-I can't do this.
"You can trust me Taehyun. I want to help you, if that's what you need," Soobin nearly pleaded.
Taehyun shut his eyes, and then at last spilled it out.
"Her name is Mihye. She was my girlfriend, and we had Juhyeok when... we were both 17. She was my first love, my first time, my... first heartbreak."
Heartbreak.
The only emotion Taehyun feels when he thinks of Mihye.
An emotion so dark, damp and dull that it's almost unimaginable to even come up with.
But it's like a dangerous disease.
When you have it, there are slim chances of recovering and going back to the way you were before.
Some are lucky, and eventually move on.
And some are cursed to never forget the one who tore their heart apart.
Taehyun was one of the cursed people.
"What do you mean by heartbreak?" Soobin asked.
Taehyun bit his lips again.
"Did she leave you after Juhyeok was born because she fell out of love—"
"She would never. She and I were so ready to take care of Juhyeok together, even if we were an unmarried, underaged couple. But... but..."
Taehyun's breath began pacing up again.
When will I ever be able to talk about this without breaking down? It's been six years, and I still cannot say it properly—
A large, warm and smooth palm clasped over Taehyun's hand, grasping it tightly.
"I'm here, Taehyun. I'm here," Soobin repeated.
Taehyun swallowed the lump in his throat.
"D-During childbirth... when Juhyeok w-was born..."
"What happened?"
A tear began to drip down Taehyun's face.
"M-Mihye... h-her blood pressure was t-too high, a-and just minutes after Juhyeok was born close to midnight... she died."
Taehyun let go of Soobin's hand and placed the mug down on the coffee table before his head fell into his hands, and he began sobbing.
A new scar on his already broken heart formed once more.
Every single time he talks about Mihye, his heart only breaks more and the pain becomes even worse to bear.
It was why he barely talked about it.
It's supposed to be this way: the more time passes, the less it hurts. But instead, the more time passes, the more it hurts.
This is truly why heartbreak is such a complicated emotion and situation of the human mind that no one can explain.
With every single person, it's different.
Some people are lucky and heartbreak is just a mere cold, where you need some love and medicine from others to mend the scars.
But unfortunately, for many, it's like a poison that lingers for a long time.
At this rate... Taehyun doubted he'll ever move on.
But then, he felt the same blanket of warmth.
Soobin laid an arm around his frame, comfortingly rubbing his hand over his shoulder. Taehyun unknowingly leaned closer to Soobin, burying his face into his chest as he cried, seeking his comfort.
"I'm so sorry Taehyun. I'm so sorry."
Taehyun choked out a sob, sniffling as the tears continued spilling out of his eyes.
"I would have never thought something like this happened to you or Juhyeok... I can't believe you went through that."
Soobin wished he could say more than those words.
But he didn't know what else to tell him.
Taehyun only continued weeping into his chest. Soobin let him, and kept caressing his back to soothe him.
After a while, when Soobin heard that Taehyun had calmed down, he patted his shoulder.
"Come on, we should get some rest. You can tell me more another time when you feel more stable."
Taehyun nodded and stood up, but then groaned in discomfort.
"What is it?" Soobin instantly asked.
"Nothing... I just feel weak in my legs after crying so much— o-oh!"
Taehyun felt his body falling backwards, but not because of his fragility.
It was because of Soobin's arms that had snaked under his knees and torso, scooping him up into a bridal hold. Taehyun reflexively held onto his neck, afraid to fall.
"I-I can walk up the stairs—"
"Let me. You're exhausted."
Taehyun wanted to protest, but his eyelids were drooping, and he could barely stay awake.
"Okay..."
Soobin secured his hold on the younger, and quietly made his way up the stairs.
When he arrived in the bedroom, Soobin noticed that Taehyun had fallen asleep already. Not wanting to wake him again, he carefully laid him into the bed, and pulled the blanket up to his chest to cover him.
Soobin laid down next to him, but he looked at his sleeping face as he thought.
So this is why... Juhyeok wishes for a happy family because he's never had one. Taehyun... lost his lover... and he clearly is still grieving her...
Soobin looked at Taehyun yet again, observing him silently.
He hadn't realized before that Taehyun... was actually so beautiful. His dark locks fell perfectly around his clear and glossy eyes, and his sharply sloped nose and rose petal lips... he was the epitome of beauty.
"So pretty," he breathed.
But Soobin also felt so sad looking at Taehyun. Because he knew the younger one would look so different... had the pain of the past few years never worn his face out.
What can I do to help Taehyun and Juhyeok experience a happy family for once in their lives?
After all... I never did either.
____________________________________
A/N: this chapter was a bit emotional 🥹 I did say long ago that this story's angst will only go up from now on. What do you think will happen now that Soobin officially knows about Mihye?
Keep streaming Sugar Rush Ride Japanese Version on YouTube!! And if you haven't seen it already, my reaction to the MV is in my Taebinist Haven book. But I'll definitely share these shots :)
I screamed violently.
And here's one for the Beomkaiists 🥰
Okay bye, till the next chapter 🫶💕