⚠️tw: rape, self harm and alcohol⚠️
mals pov✨
it's been a week since the incident with ben, i've become less jumpy around my friends but even still, just a random tap makes me jump, i also want to assume belle did something about the ben situation because he's no longer the king and his dad is back to running things at the moment.
we started a new project in art a couple days ago that i'm already almost done with because i work on it after school, i'm still the only one that does so everyone else takes longer than i do to finish their project, though some people still haven't finished the other so they have to go after school to finish that one.
i'm actually starting to like it here but i do still miss home, i talk to harry occasionally and update him on things going on here and he does the same. i still haven't told him about what happened with ben and i don't think i'm going to because i don't think that that is something that should be said over letter.
anyways audrey stayed with evie and i last night and we all woke up at the same time somehow, i was cuddled up in my bed with audrey and i didn't want to move, i was still kind of sore from the incident a week ago, he must've hurt me bad enough that after a week i'd still be hurting. i cuddled closer to audrey to which she giggled a little bit and said "come on m, we gotta get up" i tightened my grip and said "noooo, a few more minutes?" evie got up and i heard them both giggle and the next thing i knew i got hit in the face with a pillow "get up!!" evie shouted playfully, i groaned and sat up reluctantly "fine" i said "but for that i'm getting a shower before the both of you"
"mmm no you don't" evie said laughing and ran into the bathroom locking the door behind her "okay then what was the point of making me get up if you're gonna make me wait" i hollered so she could hear me. she then comes out of the bathroom "you have a point" she said coming over to me, she grabbed my arms and i winced because again...sore, she pulled me out of the bed and pushed me into the bathroom, the push brought back the memories from the incident with ben "you go then" i sighed and closed the door, i locked it which i haven't done lately considering i haven't felt the need to, my eyes watered and i looked at myself in the mirror i sighed and wiped my tears and started my shower, once i was finished i put on this outfit
(minus the glasses and bag)
i walked out of the bathroom
"damn girl, lookin fine" audrey said, i laughed a little and she went in and showered, came out wearing this
(minus the nails and all the patterns and stuff, i'm sure you can figure it out😂)
then it was evies turn and she came out in this
we all then headed out, audrey walked us to remedial goodness class cause we still have to take that for some reason, we got to class, said goodbye to audrey and walked in, evie and i took our seats next to each other, i sat there spacing out and evie tried talking to me.
"m? you okay?"
i didn't say anything as i didn't really hear her,
"mal?!" she said and tapped my shoulder which made me jump, grab her arm and twist it, my eyes were green as i did it. i didn't do it intentionally...she scared me.
"ow! mal!" she screamed in pain, i snapped out of it "oh my god evie, i'm so sorry" i said, tears in my eyes, "it's okay" she said like she understood why i did it, "i should've found an easier, gentle way to snap you out of it, though i thought you were better now" i nod, "i am..." i paused "...was", i looked at her "what brought this all back m?"
i looked down and then back up at her "this morning, when you hit me with the pillow, grabbed me by the arms and pulled me, and then pushed me into the bathroom, that brought back what he...did to me"
"m, i'm so sorry, i didn't think it was still that bad"
"because it wasn't supposed to be, i was finally getting better and i don't know, this morning when all that happened, it just....brought it all back" evie put her hand on my arm which made me jump but i let her leave it there "i'm so sorry m" i nod "it's okay" then fairy godmother comes walking in ready to start class, she smacks the board with her stick which caused me to jump, she did it again and again and with each hit it made it worse, i jumped, my eyes were watering and i was hyperventilating, i had to get out. "i'm sorry" i said standing up not looking at anyone "i have to go"
"m, where are you going?"
"i can't be here anymore" i said and looked at evie, she then saw the tears and followed me out of the classroom
"ladies where do you think you're going? it's the beginning of class, not the end" fairy godmother said, i ignored her and kept walking so evie did the same, i heard the sound of another pair of heels behind evie and i.
"i wouldn't" i heard jay say just after the second pair of heels stopped
"and why not?" i heard fairy godmother ask, i stopped in the hallway to hear their conversation "they shouldn't be walking out of here"
"fairy godmother, let me ask you this, have you ever been traumatized?"
"i beg your finest pardon?"
"have you. ever been. traumatized?" he asked again
"i don't think that's something a teacher tells a student jay"
"well maybe not but just answer the question fg"
"no jay, never been traumatized"
"good for you then, can't say the same for mal, not my place to say why, that's her business but i saw the way she was leaving and the look on her face and the way evie looked, i'm gonna make the assumption that you smacking the board with your damn stick, brought back some memories for her, so let them leave, and let us go as well, let us go comfort our friend" and with that it went silent and i saw jay come out of the classroom, still with tears in my eyes i hug him and i collapsed in his arms, he picked me up and carried me back to mine and evies dorm room, evie unlocked the door and walked in first, and then jay carried me in and carlos behind us, jay then went to put me on my bed but all i could say was "no" and my grip tightened and he nodded and sat down, me in his lap, he rubbed my back to calm me down and i had my head buried in his neck and my arms around his shoulders, i was starting to calm down but i heard something fall and it made me jump again, tightening my grip on jay, "carlos!" jay whisper yelled
"sorry" carlos said, jay then continued rubbing my back and said to me softly "it's okay, i was just carlos, he dropped...i don't even know what" he said with a small laugh which made me let out a small one too and i was calming down more and was eventually fine. i stayed in jays lap for a minute longer and then i looked at him "thank you" i said with a smile
"for what?"
"for sticking up for me with fairy godmother, i heard you stop her and i stayed in the hallway to hear, thank you, and you were exactly right by the way, her hitting her damn stick on the board triggered the breakdown"
he nodded "yeah i kinda figured, i was looking at you as it was happening, if evie hadn't started following you i would've, i almost took you out of there myself before you even stood up" i smiled a little "thank you" he nodded and pulled me closer and we stayed like that for a few minutes.
the end of class bell rung and it was time for the next class which i had with jay, evie and carlos went their way while jay and i went ours, on the way i saw ben in the hallway, i jumped, panicked and grabbed jay by the arm pulling him into a nearby classroom, i started breathing heavy and he put his hand on my back, i jumped but realized it was him "what's wrong mal?" he asked concerned. my breathing was still heavy and i was fighting tears so all i could get out was "ben....hallway" i said wrapping my arms around his waist he rubbed my back holding me close "it's okay, he can't hurt you, not when you're with me, i'm not letting that happen to you okay?" i nodded and we stood in the room until i calmed down.
a few minutes later i was okay and ready to go, he looked out into the hallway to make sure ben was nowhere in sight, he was gone so jay grabbed my hand and we walked the rest of the way to science, once we got there we knew we were late but we walked in anyway.
"mal, jay, you're late" mr delay said to us
"we are but it wasn't either of our fault, i was having a moment and i couldn't control it, jay was helping me out"
"what kind of moment? were you stealing?"
"no mr delay, we were not stealing"
"then what were you doing?"
"i'd rather not talk about it"
"fine then i'm writing you both up and you will stay for detention next period, both of you" i nod and looked at jay "sorry" i whispered "it's okay, i'll have detention any day as long as i know i've protected you" he said, i smiled and hugged him. some people in the class said "awww" and i give them this look like "don't even" and they all shut up, then mr delay handed us our slips of paper and we went to sit down, i took my place next to audrey as always and jay was behind us.
"still rocking the baddie look i see" jay said to aurdrey
"i am" she turned around in her chair and leaned on jays table "be careful, i might cut you" she smirked
"oh?" he smirked back "i just might like that" he said still smirking
"my god yall get a room" i said pretending to gag and then laughed a little. they both laughed too and she turned back around to our table.
"so you said when you walked in you had a moment? what did that mean?" she asked me
"two actually, so in remedial goodness class fairy godmother decided to smack the board today so it scared me and i walked out along with evie. heard jay stop fg from following us and overheard their conversation. i had a whole panic attack, jay carried me back to my dorm, wouldn't let him go either, i felt safe. and then i calmed down, the bell rang and on the way here, which is why we were late, saw...ben in the hallway, that was my first time seeing him since the incident but jay helped me through that panic attack as well"
"oh no, well at least you had your friends to help" i nod in response and listened to the rest of the lesson. after class jay and i had to stay because of our detention, audrey was with us cause she back talked mr delay during class which is the first time i've heard her do that, a week ago she got onto me for doing it and now she's doing it, we're all changing her. i kinda laughed at myself for thinking that and they both looked at me, "what are you laughing about?" aurdrey asked
"oh nothing just had a thought, we're so changing you" i said with a small laugh
"what do you mean?" she asked
"well remember how a week ago you got onto me for back talking mr delay?" she nodded "and why did you get a detention?"
"for back talking him" she said and then it hit her and she started laughing "oh my god" she said still laughing. i nodded "mmhm you're doing it now too, we're so changing you" i laughed
"i think it's a good thing, being so good isn't me anymore" she said with a smile. we both nodded in agreement, audrey and jay were looking into each others eyes and i just shook my head. i decided while they were staring at each other i was gonna pull out my sketch book, i started sketching them and by the time detention was over i was finished with it. they looked at me cause they noticed detention was over and they were staring at each other the whole time. "sorry" audrey said "don't be" i said back showing them the sketch "oh my god mal! no wonder you're top of the class in art, that's so good" audrey said "thanks" i smiled and we headed out of the class.
skip to the end of the day✨
i was alone in the hallway because i was working on my art project and had peace in the art room but now i'm walking back to my dorm, i see ben in the hallway and freeze, i couldn't move, he walks over to me
"well if it isn't the tattletale" he said with a tone, all i could do was stand there, he continued "you're the one who told my mom and if you didn't already know, I'M no longer KING" he said and grabbed me by the throat and pushed me against the wall "you're looking good in that outfit, it's so short" he said and slid his other hand down my leg and then up my thigh, he stopped when he got close to my crotch, his hand rests on the crease of my thigh, i'm still frozen, i'm just standing here...letting this happen to me, i can't move. he moves his thumb which rubs against the lips of my pussy, that's how close his hand was when he stopped "you can't do anything can you?" he asked with a grin on his face "you can't stop me" he smirked "i'm gonna play with you for bit, get you all nice and wet and then i'm gonna fuck you, and i want you to moan for me and i'm not gonna stop until i'm satisfied, i'm gonna cum inside you many times"
he picked me up bridal style and carried me to his room and dropped me on the bed, i still couldn't move, i don't want this. he walks over and lays on top of me and kisses me on the lips, i didn't kiss back, he pulled away "kiss me back, RIGHT now" he said, i did as i was told, he kissed me and i kissed back "that's a good girl" he said and then continued kissing me, he slid his hand down my body, he then slid his hand across my pussy and grabbed, i gasped, he then tore my dress off me and looked at my body, "you're even sexier with all these scars" he said and kissed down my body, he slid my underwear off with his teeth and looked at my pussy "you have...such...a...pretty..pussy" he said between kissing it, then he gave it a little lick, and then came back up and kissed me on the lips, the took his fingers and started rubbing my clit, he then took two fingers and stuck them inside me, i was resisting to moan "moan for me" he said sternly, i had to, he began moving his fingers and i let out a slight moan and he smirks "good, now don't stop" he said as he kept moving his fingers, and by that point i'm super wet because it doesn't take much playing with me to get me wet even when i'm not into it i guess, he keeps going faster and i find myself moaning, it felt good but i still wasn't into it because this man is literally assaulting me right now, for the second time, i would be holding back my moans if he didn't tell me to moan for him, i was scared of him..i don't want to find out what would happen to me if i didn't moan for him. he keeps going faster and faster until i have an orgasm, oh but he doesn't stop there, he then gives me another one by rubbing my clit, and then he gives me another two by eating me out "you're so wet now, time to stick my dick inside you" he says as i'm laying here out of breath from the four orgasms in a row, he then undresses and his dick is throbbing, he's super hard, first thing he does is stick it in my pussy, he goes until he cums inside me and gives me another orgasm at the same time, he does this four more times and then flips me over and does it twice from behind, he then sticks it in my ass and cums in there three times and then he sticks it in my mouth and makes me give him head and swallow, he did this twice, then he went back to my pussy and came inside me four more times and then was done, he left me there, cum leaking out of me from both my pussy and my ass, he throws my clothes at me "get dressed and leave, i've had my fun" he said and went into his bathroom, i heard shower water running, i couldn't move still, after a minute i got the courage to stand up, once i did even more cum fell out of me and onto the floor, i didn't care, i got dressed and walked out, as soon as i did i started sobbing.
i needed a drink, i walked to the liquor store and bought two bottles of vodka, and you may be wondering how i was able to buy these because i'm not of age, well it's simple, the cashier was too scared to stop me.
after i bought them i went to my hideout, the forbidden beach, i opened my first bottle and started drinking it, the whole time i was crying, i took out a knife from my bag and cut my arm and then my thighs, i continued to drink because i wanted to forget, i put my knife away and the more i drank the more and more i was forgetting, eventually i finished off the first bottle of vodka and opened the second and started drinking from it, i then saw a light coming closer to me so i did a spell to hide the cuts on my arm and thighs and tried to act like i was okay
"mal there you are, we've all been looking for you" audrey said
"well you found me" i said trying to hide the fact i was drunk
"you're drunk"
"no i'm not"
"yes you are, i can smell it and i can hear it, mal...why?"
"i don't wanna talk about it" i say taking another sip of vodka from the bottle
"mal?" i looked at her "how much have you had?"
"a whole bottle"
"of?"
"vodka" i say and hand her the empty bottle
"mal" she said, pausing but then continuing "that's a lot of alcohol, you're not just drunk, you're hammered" i nod "why?"
"i said i don't wanna talk about it" she nodded
"fine but i'm bringing you back in" i shake my head
"no" i said, my eyes wide and emphasis on the o
"why?" i looked at her and she could see the pain in my eyes "did something happen again?" all i did was look at her, my eyes watered and she went to hug me "don't touch me" i said, breath shaky and a tear falling. she nodded "nothings gonna happen to you, let's go inside" she said trying to reach for me "i said don't touch me" i said angrily and my eyes were green, "i'm sorry" she said and i could hear the hurt in her voice "no, i'm sorry, i shouldn't have snapped"
"you have every right to though, i tried to touch you after you said no, i'm sorry"
i just nodded and chugged the rest of the vodka i had in my bottle which was like half the bottle, i looked at her "we can go in now" i said sluggishly. all she did was nod and i reached up to her for her to help me up, she did and put her arm around me which made me jump but i let her because if she let go i would've fallen and not made it inside.
we got to the doors and went in "my dorm or yours?" she asked me
"well none of the others have ever seen me drunk..except for jay, we would get drunk together on occasion when neither of us could sleep, the other two never knew"
"so mine?" she asks and i nod. we walk to her dorm room and i gave her a key to mine because she asked if i wanted sleep clothes and clothes for tomorrow and i had only nodded as i handed her the key, she left me in her room and i sat on the couch until she got back, once the door had opened i jumped because i didn't see her at first, when i did i settled down and i saw jay walk in behind her which made me freak out. "mal it's just me" jay said walking over to me, i started shaking and i got up and walked into the bathroom grabbing my pajamas from audrey on the way.
i overheard them talking
"what's up with her?" he asked audrey
"i don't know, i found her at her hideout absolutely hammered, she won't talk to me, all i know is that something happened tonight and i'm guessing it has something to do with ben"
"if he hurt her..." he was trying to say but i came out of the bathroom and said "he didn't hurt me"
"then what's wrong?" he asked
"well i guess he did...but not with anything..." i trailed off
"what did he do?" he asked walking closer to me, i stepped back and was against the wall and my eyes started to water and i started to shake "please keep your distance" i said fast and my voice shaky, he nodded and i continued "he..raped me...came inside me i don't know how many times, forced me to moan for him, forced me to give him head, forced me to orgasm for him multiple times" i said shakily and tears falling down my face
"that's why you won't let me near you" he said looking at me "mal you know i would never hurt you" i just looked at him
"it's not just you, she wouldn't let me near her either until she wanted to come back in" audrey said
"why did you bring him here?" i asked her
"well he was there when i went to go get your stuff, told him privately about the fact you were drunk and he came with me" i nodded "i figured he would know what to do with drunk you" she added
"do with drunk me? audrey just let me sleep, that's all i want to do" i had forgotten about the cuts on my thighs and audrey had brought me shorts which i'm now wearing and the spell that made them disappear had worn off...they saw them and they just looked at me. jay walked closer "mal what is that?"
"what is what?" i asked, he pointed, i looked down "oh...that......whoops"
"whoops?"
"i harmed"
"with what?"
"knife"
"why?"
"couldn't take it anymore, needed to get rid of the pain, hence why the cuts on my thighs, there's some on my arm which wait you can't see...i'm wearing a hoodie...whoops, and hence why i'm drinking" he stepped closer and he was close enough that he could reach even slightly and touch me, i started shaking again
"mal i'm not gonna hurt you, let me hug you" i shook my head and walked to audrey's bed and laid down "let me sleep" he nodded "but i'm gonna stay here too" all i did was nod, he walked over to the couch and laid down on it, audrey laid next to me and i flinched but ended up cuddling with her and falling asleep, i slept all night because of the alcohol.
the next morning i was super hungover, my head was killing me and my whole body was in pain from yesterday, i was still cuddling with audrey and found that her breathing calmed me down, my head was killing me and i felt nauseous, i got up and ran into the bathroom and threw up. apparently audrey was awake cause she came in and held my hair out of the way, she's somehow the only one i'm not jumpy around, i threw up a few more times and then i looked at audrey after it was all out of my system, she gave me this concerned look
"what?" i asked
"what if you're pregnant?"
"pregnant?"
"yeah i mean you did say he came inside you multiple times right?"
i nodded "but i couldn't be...could i?"
"well mal that's how babies are made"
i laughed a little "yeah but...it couldn't have gone that far...could it?"
"mal he raped you, forced his way inside you, when he finished each time he probably pushed it as far back as he could so it would go farther than if he didn't do that, he could've gotten you pregnant"
"maybe, but what if this throwing up is just because of the alcohol i mean i was pretty far gone last night, 2 whole bottles of vodka"
"could be but better be safe than sorry"
i nod and we both decide to skip school today.
i forgot jay was in audrey's room because he came walking into the bathroom, i started shaking
"stay back" i said eyes closed and sticking my hand out like a stop sign
"mal i'm not gonna hurt you" he said stepping closer
"i said stay back!" i yelled, my eyes were green and the yell threw him across the room "oh my god jay i'm so sorry" i said with tears in my eyes
"it's okay, it was my fault" he said getting up off the floor "i really should know by now not to get too close to you when you don't want it" he said with a small laugh. i nod in response
"oh i'm not going to school today, not after last night"
"well then i'll stay with you"
i shook my head "no jay you go to school, audrey is gonna stay with me today"
"but what if you need me to protect you"
"i won't need it, we're not going anywhere"
he nodded and then left.
audrey and i got ready to go to the nearest store, i wore this outfit
and audrey wore this
we decided that since we didn't want a pregnancy test to be traced back to us somehow, we were gonna steal it. we walked to the store and when we entered everyone in the store dropped their items and left, the cashier stayed but was terrified, i smirked and we walked over to the isle that would have pregnancy tests, we stuck like 3 in my bag just to be sure cause you never know it could be a false positive, we then walked over to the snack isle and grabbed a couple gummies just so it doesn't look suspicious and we checked out, the cashier wanted to check my bag but at the same time was too scared, i made my eyes green and said "do you really wanna do that?" and they squealed and shook their head and let us leave.
when we got back to the dorm i used all 3 tests and laid them on the counter and walked out. audrey looked at me
"so what's the news?"
"nothing yet, the box said 3-5 minutes"
she nodded and sat on her bed while i paced around in front of the bathroom door.
the time was up and i walked into the bathroom to look at the sticks, my eyes watered and i walked out of the bathroom and looked at audrey
"well?" she asked. i had no words...i couldn't speak, i showed her the pregnancy tests and her eyes went wide
"mal...what are you gonna do?" she asked looking at me, i shook my head, a tear sliding down my cheek "i don't know" i said sitting down next to her with my 3 positive test results, i put my head in my hands and she rubbed my back, "i'm here for you, whatever you need" i nodded in response.
what am i gonna do?
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well this is where i leave chapter 11, i made it longer to hopefully make up for the year long wait, so so so so sorry for making everyone wait for so long, keep reading to find out why if you would like
(if not though hope you enjoyed the long chapter, took me a month to write it and i'll try to update as soon as i can)
ALSO IF YOU HAVE READ THE PREVIOUS CHAPTERS (though idk why you wouldn't if you're here but anyway)AND NOTICED ANY TYPOS I AM SO SORRY, i have always been sleep deprived when writing all of the past chapters so any typos and missed words I'M SORRY. i was going to go back and fix them but i decided not to because i guess it gives character?? lmao idk but once again hope yall enjoyed the chapter <3
in the last year here is what has happened, my ged class dropped me because my depression started acting up again so i couldn't get up in the mornings to go which is also part of the reason why i stopped updating.
in january i found a new interest, kept me going for a while, a video game called palia, it was really fun for a while and there was so much to do but now i basically have everything in the game and there's not much to do even though they update on a monthly basis, i met my boyfriend through that game as well, don't worry he's not a creep lmao, though he is a 30 year old dating an 18 year old but for reference if you are wondering, i know what he looks like, i have his address, i have his phone number, i've met his friends, his friends have kids, ive seen his drivers license and and i know his birthday, so really in my opinion if he was a creep i wouldnt know any of that information, plus my family has met him over the phone and everyone at my moms house likes him, my dad on the other hand doesn't like him, then again he never gave my bf a chance, my dad doesn't let anyone talk, he asks questions and expects you to answer them as he's asking other ones, he makes all the accusations and it's not fair, if anything I'M the one who should be blame if he's gonna blame anyone, I'M the one who made the first move, i told my boyfriend on our first phone call that if he didn't ask me out i was gonna be the one to do it, we're on the phone daily and we sleep on the phone, the first night my dad caught us sleeping on the phone together and he goes "he's 30 and he's sleeping on the phone with an 18 year old, what is he doing jacking off to the sound of you breathing????" like no motherfucker we're actually sleeping??? and also again if he's gonna question the sleeping on the phone ASK ME A DAMN QUESTION. DON'T MAKE ACCUSATIONS ABOUT SITUATIONS YOU HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT. I'M the one who wanted to go to sleep on the phone that night, I'M the one who keeps him on the phone. like bitch i'm clingy and want my man, just let me have this since we can't in person, we're a thousand miles apart. he is my safe space, and quite frankly the love of my life, all of my past relationships have been shitty and manipulative, this man has shown me what real love is even being a thousand miles apart, we've been together since march 30th of this year 2024 and it's september 10th, we've been together almost 6 months, he's my longest relationship i've had in a while, my first was 6 months and all the rest have been 3-4 never made it past 4. i wanna be with this man for the rest of our lives. the only way i can go to sleep at night is him being on the phone with me, when i get depressed or just in a mood hearing him talk makes feel better, at night hearing him breath calms me down and i can go to sleep. hearing him breath in general can put me to sleep, his voice, especially when i'm tired soothes me and puts me to sleep. i love this man with all my heart and i couldn't ask for a better boyfriend.
he's given me all the encouragement and motivation to do better for myself, i've been working out since we started dating, i work as a carpenter with my stepdad and have been for the last month, i moved out of my dads house though he likes to say he kicked me out apparently, been at my moms for the last month. i got my drivers license 3 months ago, gonna go back for my ged. i've been so much happier since meeting my boyfriend, i rarely ever get depressed anymore especially since moving out of my dads house cause that man always finds a way to bring me down when i'm happy.
aaaaand yeah life has been good and i really hope it lasts with my boyfriend, honestly. he's coming to meet me soon, being with him is the other half of why i haven't been updating because we do things together even though we're not in person, we talk and we play video games and we watch tv together.
and if you read this far so sorry for the rant but that's my life update. and just again i hope you enjoyed the chapter, i'll try to keep it from being a years worth of a wait again.
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