Charles smiled and squeezed Eleanore's hand, when he heard Nonna asking about a Ferrari.
Charles: apologies, I didn't bring a Ferrari...
Suddenly he felt her hit him over the head with her shoe, and Eleanore gasped. It hadn't hurt, it was a soft hit, but he realised that Nonna had excellent reflexes. He was impressed.
Eleanore: I am sorry.
Nonna: hmmm... not a good start.
Eleanore: NONNA! Be nice.
Nonno: ha! Be nice, you should know your Nonna better than that. She lives to torture people.
Charles looked around the restaurant and immediately felt at home. Nonna and Nonno both hugged him tightly, and he felt like he was with family. He saw all of the pictures on the walls, including several of Eleanore, all of them making him smile, and ask questions about when Eleanore was young. Much to Eleanore's embarrassment.
Nonno: this one was a little troublemaker – always causing chaos.
Charles: really?
Nonna: oh yes, if she thought it, she said it.
Nonno: I remember when she yelled at the mayor.
Eleanore: I would hardly call it yelling.
Nonno: he was afraid of her for years after that.
Charles: why was she yelling at him?
Nonna: he told her that a girl should be quiet and gentle, or she wouldn't find a husband.
Charles: oh well, that won't have gone down well.
Nonno: she told him to fuck off, and maybe if he weren't a pig he would have found a wife.
Charles: how old was she?
Nonna: 7.
Charles burst out laughing, and nearly choked on the fizzy water he was drinking. Nonna had not approved of his choice of beverage when he had ordered it, and he was worried he was going to be hit on the head again. He had laughed when Nonna was trying to convince Eleanore that Wine was not alcoholic so he could drink a bottle and still drive.
Nonna: wine doesn't count...
Eleanore: it does Nonna...
Nonna: nonsense. Its grape juice.
Eleanore: the police don't see it that way, and Charles cannot get in trouble with police.
Nonno: if we were in Italy – no problem... but here in Mallorca... it is a problem – you are not Alonso after all.
Charles loved these two already – they were so open and honest, neither held back what they thought. He agreed that next time he and Eleanore would take a taxi and he would drink wine – not wanting to admit that he didn't like wine at all, but certain he would drink whatever Nonna put in front of him.
Nonna: so Eleanore, have you two had sex yet?
Charles laughed and quickly covered his mouth to hide his amusement as Eleanore spat out her drink.
Eleanore: Nonna...
Nonna: I am just saying – it is important to try before you buy. You bring him here, you have never introduced a boy before... so trust me, It is important, ok? But if you don't want to try, I will. I give you good feedback. You can trust Nonna.
Nonno: Good luck Charles!!!
Charles: I can drive a formula one car at 300kph, but something tells me I couldn't handle Nonna.
Charles had said to Nonno who smiled and shook his head, confirming what Charles had thought. He could see that Eleanore was scarlet red with embarrassment and just kept shaking her head, Charles was loving it. Nonna was brazen and flirty, nothing was slowing that woman down from flirting – not even the presence of her husband. Nonna waved her hand at her husband dismissing his comment. Charles watched as she leant to Eleanore.
Nonna: honestly, how have you not tried that yet, he is delicious... like a roman god... I mean those chest muscles...
Eleanore: please stop Nonna...
Nonno: never let Nonna know you are embarrassed she will just keep going. Never let her know your weakness either Charles... trust me.
Nonna: enough from you, go do something. Let me and the handsome Ferrari man talk. I teach him how to please a woman, don't worry – I taught Nonno, before me he had no idea what he was doing.
Eleanore: Oh my god... Nonna! you don't still have sex. Please don't.
Nonna: of course we do, why you think we always open late? Don't worry Charles, I teach you how to please a woman, I know our little Eleanore here has not been pleased in the past. It is ok I give you directions.
Nonno: like a drill sergeant.
Nonna: drill sergeant?
Nonno: to the left, to the right, faster, slower... Charles, do you take directions well?
Charles nodded, unsure whether he was expected to answer this question, thoroughly enjoying how embarrassed Eleanore seemed to be – and the knowledge that no man had apparently pleased her before.
Nonno: then you may survive my wife.
Nonna: what do you mean survive your wife?
Nonno: five minutes with you and people tell me: you know that Mussolini maybe was not so bad.
Nonna: Comparing me to Mussolini? I didn't hear you complaining when you would chase me around wanting me to make little bambinos with you every day!
Nonno: I never said I didn't like a controlling or powerful woman. Just that you make Mussolini look like... a little timid mouse.
Nonna: go put a pizza in the oven or something. Make yourself useful. Now Charles, it is important for us that Eleanore be satisfied – do you feel you can manage that?
?: NONNA STOP NOW!
Charles turned to the source of the voice he had heard scolding the older woman, to see a younger version of Nonna. He was certain the woman must be Nonna's daughter – they were like a before and after picture.
Nonna: what? I am just looking out for Eleanore and her needs... you didn't complain when I had this talk with your husband! Charles, this is my daughter, Chiara.
Chiara: lovely to meet you Charles, I apologise for my mother, she has never had boundaries.
Charles: wonderful to meet you.
Chiara: I am just here to spy to be honest, Nonna told us Eleanore had a lover coming for dinner... I had to see for myself.
Eleanore: Nonna, a lover? You did not say that.
Watching these exchanges Charles thought you couldn't tell that Eleanore was not biologically related to that family, it was clear that for them, she was as much their blood as Chiara.
Chiara: she told the whole family! You know she never liked you with Lando... a McLaren driver... the shame.
Eleanore: oh my god, I never even spoke about Lando before yesterday – Nonna, how did you know?
Nonna: I saw you on his, twitchies.
Nonno: Twitch Stream!!!
Eleanore: you watched TWITCH streams?
Chiara: Arturo showed them when he saw you on them. He then shared the gossip that you and that British boy were dating. Nonna was not happy.
Nonna: you did not date for long though – he didn't know how to please a woman – she told me he was no good.
Chiara: well, hopefully Charles will! I will let you continue dinner, nice to meet you Charles. Now smile!!
Charles hadn't expected his picture to be taken and the flash had caught him off guard. Eleanore just buried her face on her arms on the table. Completely mortified by the entire exchange. Charles watched as Chiara lifted Eleanore out of her chair to hug and check that the woman was healthy – once she was convinced all was well, she kissed Charles on the cheek and left with a few boxes of pizza. By this point Nonno had returned from the kitchen with their pizzas and the four of them sat eating and talking. Nonno kept winding Nonna up, and Charles laughed listening to the exchange between the old married couple. He liked how Nonno would tease Nonna and she rose to the bait every time. He watched and knew that was what he wanted with Eleanore – the verbal sparring, laced with love.
Nonna: so why no Ferrari Charles?? Why drive her piece of crap rental?
Charles: I don't have a Ferrari here; I rented a normal car.
Nonna: but why?
Charles: Ferrari brings a lot of attention, and I was kind of on a mission... didn't want to be recognised.
Nonna: and what mission was that?
Nonno: yes what are your intentions here?
Eleanore: oh my god, Nonna, Nonno! Charles you don't have to answer that.
Nonna: yes he does. Honestly, Eleanore... you won't let me try him, you wont let me teach him how to make love to a woman, we cannot ask his intentions... We are not British, we are Italian, we cannot just make pizza and talk about the weather.
Eleanore: Nonna, there are other topics.
Charles took a deep breath, he thought that Eleanore knew already what he wanted, and what his intentions were, but he didn't mind telling Nonna and Nonno. In truth he had thought about their future so many times, he could picture their house, their children... it all. He just hadn't planned on telling two other people all of this before Eleanore.
Charles: I don't mind answering.
Suddenly he realised the entire restaurant fell silent, all the people who had been happily talking amongst themselves were listening to him. he wondered if they hadn't all secretly been listening or more likely, they were all related to Nonna somehow. He watched as Eleanore looked at him – terrified, but assuring him he didn't have to do this. He smiled at her, never breaking eye contact as he spoke his intentions as clearly as he could.
Charles: I am in love with Eleanore, with everything about her – even the things about her that drive me mad, and infuriate me, I love about her. She is all I think about, the only person I want to spend my life with. My intentions are to love her forever if she will let me, of course. When I say I want everything with her, I mean it – marriage, kids, the house with the garden for them to play in. teaching them to kart and play tennis, me learning how to cook properly – as it is pretty terrible right now, a dog or two. Everything.