Hi peeps! I'm very sorry about how short the chapters have been recently. I've been multi-writing, working on three fanfics at once. Let me tell you, it's HARD.
Ugh, why am I so tired?! (Probably cause I didn't sleep last night, and looked at LOTR Memes instead.)
Enjoy, and...
May the odds be ever in your favor!
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The dough sticks to my hands and stretches when I pull away.
"Eugh..." I say. "How does this turn into fluffy, crunchy bread?" I ask him.
Peeta smiles, flour dusting his hair, hands, and somehow, nose. He looks adorable, like a puppy in the snow.
"I told you to add more flour!" He says.
We're both wearing matching white aprons. His apron fits nicely around his body. Mine is a little loose. I can't help but notice how beautiful he looks. The sun streams in through the window above the sink, lighting his hair and making his eyes sparkle. His smile is brighter than the sun. I gained a fascination in watching him kneed his dough. He handles it with precise pressure, and folds it over easily. In a matter of seconds however, he's done.
Everything about him is so...radiant. His laughter is music to my ears. Everything he does I find myself adoring. The way his tongue will stick out the corner of his mouth as he's concentrating. The way he's able to make me giddy with joy, timid with embarrassment, and full of warmth is crazy to me.
When he sees my struggle to turn my blob into dough, he tsks and shakes his head. He grabs a big spoon, scoops out some flour, and dumps it on my sticky lump.
I try, I really do, to mix in the flour with the dough, but for some reason it's just not working! I look over at Peeta pleading with him to help me. He smiles and comes up behind me, making my breathing shallow. He takes hold of my hands and sets them against the dough, gently pressing down on my palm with his. Gradually, the flour begins to mix in, and it takes form. It no longer sticks to my hands, instead it becomes a nice smooth dough blob. It's easier to believe now that that's what makes delicious loaves of bread.
Peeta rests his chin on my shoulder-right next to my neck-and snakes his arms around my waist. It shocks me. I remember seeing my father do this with my mom. It's intimate, and I can imagine that we're husband and wife. I just completed something that was hard for me and he's proud of me. I imagine Peeta calling me "love" and then I mentally slap myself in the face.
What are you doing? Imagining Peeta as our husband?
He whispers in my ear, sweet and loving.
"Look, you did it! I'm so proud of you."
Okay, maybe I'll cut you some slack.
"Thanks," I say, my voice coming out just as sweet as his. I turn my head and look at him. The light that he used to have in his eyes is back, and brighter than ever. He smiles at me, filling my very bones with butterflies. His smile shows his dimples and teeth. I can't help the smile that stretches on my face, and I'm not sure I would want to.
Our faces are right next to each other. If I moved just a bit closer...
Peeta's blue eyes flicker down to my lips as well and his smile slowly melts, but not in a bad way.
A fluttering tension fills the short amount of air in between us. I remember the warmth I felt when I kissed him in the cave and on the beach. They sparked something so hungry within me. Something that I yearn to relight with him. With Peeta, and only Peeta.
He lifts his chin from my shoulder, but doesn't do anything to the distance between us. His eyes look down at my lips for longer, then look back up into my eyes. I see so much in his eyes. I see beauty beyond how blue his eyes are, I see care beyond protection, and I see love beyond friendship.
I can feel his warm breath on my neck and I'm sure he can feel mine.
We're so close, oh so close. All I have to do is move a little closer. I could feel the romance that wasn't for the camera. I could feel the warmth and steadiness that he always brings me. But it's not just about what I could get from him. I want to kiss him because it's him. I want to kiss the one who always makes sure to pack an extra water bottle when we go hiking because he knows how much I forget mine. I want to kiss the one who forgot what my favorite food was, was reminded, then made it again as soon as he could. I want to kiss the one who looks at me as if I were the stars and the moon themselves.
I want to kiss the one who's made sure to not hold me too hard. I want to kiss the one who looks at a butterfly and just smiles. I want to kiss the one who I've dreamed about for days on end. I want to kiss the one that makes me happy.
I want to kiss Peeta.
His pink lips part a bit and he drags his tongue across them.
Scratch that. I need to kiss Peeta.
I'm about to lean in when there's a rough loud knock on the door.
We break away. I roll my eyes so hard I wonder if they'll roll out of my skull. I hear Peeta take a deep calming breath and go open the door.
"Yes?" His voice is reigned in, but you can tell he's agitated.
"Hey, do you know where Katniss is?"
Ugh, of fucking course! It's god damned Gale! Of course, and right when I was about to-
I'm gonna fucking beat this bitch up.
I storm over to the door where Peeta is casually leaning against the frame. I'll admit that I take a little glance at his ass. I don't know why I want to keep looking at it, but it's so round and fits his jeans really well. I wonder if my ass fits my jeans like that.
"What the hell do you want, Gale?" I say, putting my hands on my hips and standing next to Peeta. He smiles when he sees me, then hardens when he looks back at Gale.
Gale looks conflicted and mildly disgusted seeing us next to each other.
"You were baking?" he asks as if the very thought is from outer space. "But you hate to bake!"
Peeta frowns and a look of hurt flashes in his eyes. He puts a hand on my shoulder and looks at me concerned.
"Was today not fun for you?" he tilts his head to the side, something I've come to find just adorable.
"Don't listen to him," I tell him. "Today was almost as fun as when we went hiking."
"Really?" his eyes light up. Hiking was awesome. We made jokes the entire time, I taught Peeta how to float, we splashed each other, his shirt clung to his skin, the water shined in his eyelashes, I could see his muscles...
What was I saying?
It was really fun!
"Really!" I assure him and his smile makes me temporarily forget about the guy in front of us. Gale clears his throat, desperate to be heard. "What do you want, Gale?" I ask again.
He sighs. "I want to talk."
"About what?" I cross my arms.
"About Prim." Hearing her name be said out loud with no hesitation, no concern, no regret, makes me furious.
"No. I don't think we do." I can see impatience in his eyes and his left eye twitches.
"Yes. We do."
"Okay," my voice is getting more and more annoyed. "Was it yours?" Shame makes his jaw clench and I feel the pride of victory.
"We should talk about that elsewhere, somewhere more...private." His eyes dart to Peeta who sighs and turns to me.
"I think you should talk to him," Peeta says, making me step back in surprise.
"What? You want me to talk to him?" He takes my shoulder and pulls me back into the kitchen.
"Think about it like this, Katniss," he says in a hushed voice so Gale can't hear. "He may actually be trying to change. Most likely he's as haunted by what happened as you are. Give him a chance. You don't have to be best friends again, you don't have to accept him back into your life. But at least give him the chance to deal with his demons. Who knows? Maybe this is how he's going to heal. Who are we to hold that from him?"
Damn it. He's right. Like always.
"But I really, really don't want to!" I whine to him. He nods sympathetically.
"I know, but once you get this over with he probably won't bother you again after." That does sound nice. I think about how close we were to kissing. If I get Gale out of the way, he won't ever interrupt us again. I'm filled with determination to get this over with and I walk towards the door again. Peeta grabs my arm.
"And one last thing," he says. "Do not be afraid to set boundaries. In fact, you need to set boundaries. Things have changed, and you need to tell him what is okay and what's not." I nod and wave at him.
"Thanks, bye Peeta."
"Bye, I-" he cuts himself off short making my mind go crazy thinking about what he was about to say. He just smiles at me shyly and waves.
"Alright, Gale. Let's get this over with," I tell him once I'm at the door again. He looks relieved that I've complied.
"Okay so should we-" I cut him off.
"My house." The walk there is already awkward and heavy with silence. Our hunter's footsteps are silent in the house which is already devoid of any noise. I think that's one of the things I love about being over at Peeta's or Haymitch's. There's always some kind of noise, whether it's Peeta's humming as he bakes, or one of the cool records that Haymitch will play.
We sat down at the table. The house seems so ugly and colorless without anyone I care about. Effie makes the house seem more colorful. Haymitch makes me appreciate what I have. Peeta makes my whole world beautiful.
I start to chuckle. I can't go one minute without thinking about them, can I? Gale's looking at me as if I were crazy, but I couldn't care less about what he thinks.
Gale takes a deep breath before starting.
"It was ours."
Despite my assumption that it was and my connection to him with it, it still hits hard to hear it out loud. I close my eyes and the milliseconds that I had seen of the clouds of flame that exploded in front of me pass by.
She was just trying to help people. She was trying to save them.
She wasn't even an adult yet. She wasn't even fourteen.
Anger fills me up till my hands begin to visibly shake. I try to take some calming breaths, but the resentment, the rage that is building up in me is strong and hard to control. My head begins to twitch and tilt to the side without my consent.
"Do you...regret it?" I ask, my voice straining against my throat to not start shouting at him to get out of my house.
He looks down. "Yes."
"If you knew that she wouldn't be there, but still knew what the effects would be, would you have still done it?" His head shoots right back up and a flame dances in his similar gray eyes.
"Yes," he says with full confirmation. I bite my tongue to keep me from saying things I don't want to.
"See, Gale? That's why we can't be friends. That's why I can't forgive you. Because not only did you kill my sister, you planned to kill so many people! People! Not emotionless Capitolites. People. People who have families! People who may have been threatened to fight for Snow. People who were tricked into fighting for him. People who wanted to protect their families as much as you do. And that's just unacceptable." He looks even angrier now but I need to get this off my chest.
"I get that you weren't trying to kill...Prim by designing that, but you were trying to kill so many innocent people! You were trying to kill those innocent people in an even worse way that your dad died. Our dads died in a mining accident that they had no part in. You know how painful it is! You know how hard it is to get by! And you wanted to inflict that same pain on them. That's unforgivable, Gale. I can't forgive you for making the design. Because people we love get hurt no matter what way you decide to inflict your hate. That's what hate does! And you're just stoking up the flames."
The anger and resentment in me drains and leaves agony and grief in its place. Suddenly I feel as if I'm made of bricks. I cling to the table for support, but I can feel myself slipping.
Gale bursts and starts yelling at me. I can't hear him. I don't think I want to.
I push myself from the table, my body in slow motion. The room is glitching and making me dizzy. I trip and trip on my way down the stairs.
My feet feel like they're sinking through the floor. Suddenly, a hole opens up through the ground and swallows me whole.
I'm in a gray field of grass. It's cold and the wind pushes against my face harshly. Darkness clouds the sky.
A scream rips through the air.
"PRIM!" I shout.
"Katniss! Katniss! Help me!" her voice screams back. I look around but I can't find her.
"PRIM! PRIM!"
Then all goes still. I freeze, my limbs can't move. I can't even look around. I'm trapped.
Her scream sounds again but I still can't move.
Then she appears.
She's in two blonde braids and wearing my old dress. The same outfit she wore on the day of the Reaping. The day it all started. She appears right in front of me, completely fine.
Then she screams again and suddenly the whole world goes dark.
A second later the light turns back on.
A burnt corpse stands in front of me. The skin is black and red, charred and flaky. But to make it worse, her features are still visible. She's still wearing my old outfit. Her braids are still intact. Her eyes are still open and staring right at me.
Another scream pierces the air, but this time it's not her. It's me.
Somebody save me.
The ground below me starts to shake aggressively, throwing me and the corpse that is my sister down. She rolls right next to me and I can smell her. Crisp, smoky, and the absolutely gruesome scent of burning flesh.
Somebody save me.
She starts to burn into ash that fills the air. I cough and impulsively inhale some, making me choke and gag. I feel disgusting and tears the size of rocks drop out of my eyes and splash wildly on the vibrating ground.
Somebody save me.
I feel weak and useless and give in to this awful world. It tosses me around. I yell and sob as I lose all control and watch as Prim's body burns into a cloud of ash that floats around the air, forcing me to breathe it in.
And then, I'm saved.
A kind, gentle whisper wraps around me like a piece of clothing.
"Shh, it's okay. You're okay. She's okay."
Warm, calming arms wrap around me like a safety belt.
"You're okay, Katniss. Shh..."
The world stops shaking. The ashes disappear. The color comes back.
The sky turns blue and the grass turns vibrant green. Flowers spring up from the ground adding even more life.
My hair gets stroked softly and lips lightly kiss my head.
"I love you..."
And then I wake up.
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Hope you liked that chapter! Let me know what you thought, and have a good day!
Bye bye!!